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46 and pregnant. What to do?

(14 Posts)
NewStartNow Wed 13-Jun-18 23:24:02

A complete accident. I had donor egg ivf at 41 to conceive dd. Subsequently left her abusive father. With new partner 19 months although don't live together. 5 weeks gone.
On one hand it's my last chance to have a child that shares my genetics but I'll be 47 on due date. New partner has a 10 year old who I struggle to get along with. He's with us every weekend.

colditz Wed 13-Jun-18 23:27:43

Think about how much you want to be a single parent. Go from there.

NewStartNow Thu 14-Jun-18 07:06:06

I really don't want to be a single parent again. Especially given my age. My partner and I are still in the honeymoon stage so it's difficult to be objective.

NickyNora Thu 14-Jun-18 07:18:57

flowers

So difficult. Have you spoken to your dp?

Embracethechaos Thu 14-Jun-18 07:20:51

Difficult choice. flowers I have no advice as it's your choice alone. There's lots of councilling available for people in your situation, I know it's often supported by anti abortion campaigns but may be helpful still? You can't read the future, how your relationships will turn out.

CaloryBunny Thu 14-Jun-18 07:24:17

Agree that envisaging single parenting must be a consideration.
Good friend had DD at 43 after multiple rounds of IVF. As cycles went by, she got divorced but decided to carry on on her own and eventually she conceived. Now 5 years later I asked her if she'd consider a sibling (I have a single child myself and was interested in her perspective) and she said that she thought her body had probably gone through enough (the multiple rounds of IVF) and that as she gets older she thinks she's likely to face health problems and that it would be unfair to the children if something was to happen to her (the mum). So aging is another consideration I think.
Having said that I think that if my friend fell pregnant without IVF, I think she'd go ahead with the pregnancy (she works 4 days a week and has a stable job, she lives well ie paying off her mortgage and can still afford holidays, nothing luxurious, camping and staying with friends, but she travels several times a year with her daughter).
Hope that helps

MrsBobDylan Thu 14-Jun-18 07:30:09

First of all I wouldn't worry about your age - whether you are 27 or 47, the experience of raising a child will be much the same.

Secondly, I would very gently say that lots of pregnancies in our age group end in miscarriage. I have been trying to conceive for the last couple of years and I've had three.

Thirdly, I would speak to someone independent who can help you unpick your feelings and help you make the right choice for you,

NewStartNow Thu 14-Jun-18 07:54:32

Thanks for your replies. Calorybunny your friend sounds very similar in that she works 4 days and pays a mortgage and takes inexpensive holidays.
Mrsbobdylan. I've read about the possibility of. Miscarriage being 60 per cent but I only had a 1% chance of conceiving so I'm putting the statistics out of mind at the moment.
I did have some counselling earlier this year re my previous abusive relationship. I'd really love to talk to her again but I'm not sure if it's something she's does.

TimeToDash Thu 14-Jun-18 08:04:58

Go for it! 47 is not too old!

expatinscotland Thu 14-Jun-18 08:08:20

I wouldn't continue it at that age (I'm now 47) because the risk of disability (some of which cannot be detected antenatally) is increased.

BlueBug45 Thu 14-Jun-18 09:32:23

Personally with the children of the mothers I grew up around, and my own family history, I would continue with it if the baby was healthy and most importantly wanted.

My mum was actually one of the youngest in a group of women who had children in their 40s when she had me at 42. I'm in my 40s also and pregnant.

kitty1013 Thu 14-Jun-18 14:00:10

Don't rest your decision on your stepson. You'd feel resentful of him in the long run. Also you may start to get on better with him - give it time. (I speak as someone with 2 step kids who live with me full time).

You have to go with what you really want deep down. It's not about your age - it's a factor , but not the biggest one.

Also the chances of MC are quite high;, I agree that to conceive in the first place was against the odds itself , but don't take it as a given all will be ok (sadly)...I had 3 MCs at 42. Am now nearly 45 and 26 weeks pregnant. So nothing is doomed , but do be cautious.
Good luck with your decision.
Xxx

Pannacott Thu 14-Jun-18 14:02:05

I would factor in that having a sibling can be beneficial for a child, both in childhood and adulthood; and beneficial to a parent as they will play together and entertain each other. Obviously that's not a reason to go ahead in itself, but it's an additional consideration.

NewStartNow Thu 14-Jun-18 18:07:32

The gp said today no reason why shouldn't have a normal pregnancy and delivery.
The thought of a sibling is a motivator as my sister and I are very close.

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