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Comments "you're so big" at 22w

(29 Posts)
kitty1013 Tue 22-May-18 18:39:24

Please please can you wise ladies advise how I should reply when a school mum says to me at 22w "gosh, you're as big as I was at full term!"
I just muttered something about having had several DC before so that's probably why....but then afterwards felt thoroughly miserable.
Why do people think it's ok to pass comment like this?
And what should I have said in reply to make her think twice about how nasty her comment sounded??
Thank you!
A miserable (fat) Mumsnetter

Pinkywoo Tue 22-May-18 18:44:15

Reply with "and you're a rude twat, now piss orf!". wink

Armygirl Tue 22-May-18 19:16:30

I may be in the minority here but I never got offended when people said this to me in the past. They’re not saying you’re fat they’re commenting on your beautiful round bump and she wouldn’t have meant it in an offensive way!

PrimeraVez Tue 22-May-18 19:19:44

“Really? Other people have said how small I am. Oh well, I suppose people just say stupid shit for the sake of it don’t they”

twobambinos Tue 22-May-18 19:33:41

Oh op I'm sorry. People comment all the time I think it's just to say something. I carry small and my fil told me the last time I'd put on weight. I actually haven't I've lost weight from the horrible morning sickness I told him I'll happily jump on the scales to prove it. I think he just wanted to say something so said something stupid.

Try not to let it get you down but I know it's easier said than done

Aprilmightbemynewname Tue 22-May-18 19:35:00

Yeah well I will soon be thinner while you will still be rude.

60sname Tue 22-May-18 19:43:11

I don't take bump size comments as being about the person themselves, just the bump.

I had the opposite, bemoaning my bump last time, as it was obviously getting in the way even though not huge, and she acted like I was putting myself down rather than just stating the obvious grin

Havetothink Tue 22-May-18 19:55:36

Currently 20wks people look at me shocked when I say I'm due October. It gets old fast, I just say "I know, I'm huge" and roll my eyes. Have been compared to another pregnant women at work who's further along than me and tiny. I'm practically a walking joke and I know it's only going to get worse. People think it's funny because it's not them experiencing it.

BridgeFarmKefir Tue 22-May-18 20:12:09

I give them a Paddington Hard Stare. I guess really it's often just wanting to say something, most people don't mean to be rude. I know it still sucks though!

boatass Tue 22-May-18 20:12:59

It happens. Not a big deal. Get over yourself.

caoraich Tue 22-May-18 20:21:31

Me too- and I'm just 20weeks! It doesn't help that I was off on holiday for a couple of weeks and came back to work with a "sudden bump".
Also had my first person automatically presume I'm pregnant a few days ago - I had literally just met her and she said "OH! And how far along are you??"
It's my first as well. Feeling enormous and self-conscious just now sad

Dobbythesockelf Tue 22-May-18 20:28:04

So far this pregnancy I have been asked if I'm having twins (I'm not), had multiple "you're huge" comments, being asked if I am sure of my due date. It gets tiring and old very quickly. I carry all at the front and I've had a baby before which I think makes me look bigger but it doesn't make the comments any less rude. I dont understand why people do It, they may not be calling me fat but it doesn't stop me feeling self conscious.

bathandpjs Tue 22-May-18 20:36:54

I just say "oh I know, it's fucking ridiculous and I still have weeks to go!" I can't help how big I am and as long as the baby is healthy I don't really care.

People will comment on the size of a baby bump, and I'm sure I must have been guilty of this at one point.

Personally I'm just enjoying being pregnant (and having an excuse for looking pregnant for a change) and I know people are different and carry differently so any comments I just let go over my head.

kitty1013 Tue 22-May-18 20:37:19

It is good to hear I'm not alone (well sort of...obviously I don't think it's good for anyone to have to deal with these comments!) but I do find it shocking and upsetting. I am normally a slim size 8/10 but I do balloon all over when pregnant (I make my way up pregnancy sizes from S to XL!!) but equally I don't think it gives people a right to comment. I wouldn't dream on commenting on other people's shape or size - pregnant or not.

I think the hard stare is a good suggestion - and not saying anything . Then the offender will have to think of a follow up- probably not easy! I'm too much of a wuss to say anything rude back smile

Poptart4 Tue 22-May-18 22:54:34

I'm 21 weeks and my work colleagues have been commenting on my bump for afew weeks now. I shrugged it off at first but I'm getting almost daily comments on how 'big' I am. It really grinds you down after a while. And I've another 19 weeks to go.

Wish I had the guts to tell them to f**K off.

LeeValley2 Tue 22-May-18 23:02:08

Not a big deal.

rcat Tue 22-May-18 23:06:45

I popped very early with both my ds so had comments like this all the time.

The bitch in me wanted to say ‘oh and when is yours due’ whilst looking at their stomach.

In reality I used to nod and smile.But yes people who comment like that are being bitchy,they must remember how it felt being pregnant.

Archie1982 Wed 23-May-18 02:37:02

Hello!

I am 16 weeks and had my first random, “ooh, you’ve got a baby bump” and I’ve had a “are you sure there’s just one in there”. It leaves me feeling like a bit meh. I’ve also got fibroids - although not quite sure how much they’re contributing to the bump size at the moment.

I try and smile and joke....yep, definitely just one in there.

I don’t want to sound defensive and say something personal about the fibroids too.

Maybe a wee comment like “yep, it’s funny how it’s different for every woman, isn’t it?”. Or you could say that your body has created a nice environment in there for the wee one. Isn’t it amazing what our bodies do to create a human 😀 x

Woshambo Wed 23-May-18 03:04:41

It may not be a bid deal for SOME people, but it is to OP and others. Not sure why people comment with such nonsense.

I get people saying this too and I'm almost 22 weeks. Getting really fed up of it to be fair. I plan to respond with a "SO?" next time.

KTD27 Wed 23-May-18 03:28:16

The last time it happened to me I said ‘and you’re brave! Telling a pregnant woman she’s big’
They didn’t know quite what to say to that.
I’ve also warned my family that at an upcoming wedding this weekend (I’m 33w) If anyone comments on my massive bump I’ll eat them. So I’m trying to be pre-emptive grin
It’s tough. I don’t know why pregnancy gives people a licence to comment on your body but it seems to! I think a PP who suggested an ‘oh I know!’ Type response has a good idea. I know that when I also get the alternative ‘how long have you got left’ I tend to over exaggerate and say ‘5,000 years’ so that they reassure me and sympathise as opposed to telling the truth which always gets me a ‘ooh you’re big for xx weeks aren’t you??’
flowers I’m sure your bump is fabulous!

Olive1988 Wed 23-May-18 07:09:19

Hello my FIL called me fatty at 23 weeks and I haven't been to any social arrangements since. I totally get this. A close friend of mine is pregnant and has a beautiful football bump whereas I have splodged all over. I think there needs to be less body shaming and less comments. When else would it be OK to go up to a woman and comment on her size? I would also love to know what to say back to these people! Xxx

villainousbroodmare Wed 23-May-18 07:33:27

I just had twins at term on Monday morning. I worked right up until Friday. I see a new client every 15 min at work which really highlighted to me that a) people do feel they need to say something; b) most people's comments are not thought out at all and bear no relation to the figure they see in front of them. If you just hear "you're huge," and that happens to be the only remark of the day, it just sticks in your head, but if you hear fifteen minutes later, "you're tiny," followed by "you're all in the front," followed by "you're carrying all over," you realise it's just embarrassed nonsense blurted by tactless eejits.

birthofawoman Wed 23-May-18 10:28:58

Uh, the comments are about as unnecessary as they are stupid! I'd get the opposite - people commenting on how small I was carrying. Would make me feel like I was doing something wrong (like not eating enough), or that there was something wrong with my baby (not growing properly?). Gave me a lot of anxiety, to be honest. Anyway, not that you should have to 'explain yourself' but I'd always refer to facts/science in response to such comments: "Well, people carry differently. Taller people/those with longer torsos tend to carry smaller as there's more upwards space for baby to hide, rather than outwards.", for example (I know there are similar 'facts' you can use for carrying slightly larger. You walk away feeling like you "came back" in style. The other person usually appears to feel pretty stupid, too, as you just schooled them.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Wed 23-May-18 10:30:39

Ignore. I'd want to tell her to fuck off, but how many people actually do that in RL? hmm

birthofawoman Wed 23-May-18 10:30:48

Slightly larger)*

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