When should we tell dd she is going to have a sibling?

[janeinbarcelona]

I am 8 weeks pg and am not sure when to tell dd (3 years) the good news. Ordinarily I wouldn't tell her until she could see that my stomach is getting bigger as another 32 weeks is a long time for her to wait to see the baby. But, I'm feeling awful (nausea, tiredness), not wanting to do anything and am in bed before her in the evening. When she asks what is wrong with me it seems odd telling her that I don't feel well. She's bright and intelligent and is now becoming a bit clingy so I'm wondering if she senses something is happening.

[FlossALump]

We told DS quite early on. Just to give him time to get used to the idea and once I was fairly certain all seems to be ok.

The only thing I think from your post is that if you tell her a new baby is making her mummy unwell it might make her feel badly towards it? Just a thought!

[FlossALump]

oh and congratulations!

[feetheart]

DD was 2.9 when DS arrived and we told her when we started to tell everyone else ie after about 3 months. Didn't want her to hear it from anyone else or for her to tell the world before we were ready too!
HTH

[ScotGirlInOz]

hi janeinbarcelona

I too have a DD - 3 years and am now 6 1/2 weeks pregnant. We were going to tell her straight away, but my mum said to try and wait till at least 12 weeks. Have started to be sick and having nausea all day basically and she saw me over the toilet this morning and was offering to help! Bless her. I am going to try to wait till at least 12 weeks if not as long as possible because we have a friend who is pregnant and when I talk about her DD says can we go and see the baby! So she doesn't have the concept of the waiting for 9 months, however I am thinking that if I wait till at least twelve weeks then I can take her to scans and she will be able to see baby inside me. Sorry for the long post and good luck!

[rubles]

I told dd at around 14 weeks because I wanted her to know before other people (she was about 2yrs 10 mths). She somehow managed to get used to the idea that mummy had to lie down all the time without questioning it too much though.
The trouble now is that she is so massively excited about being a big sister that she keeps saying now (I am 20 weeks) that she can't wait until the baby comes/when is the baby coming etc and I feel like for her she has peaked too soon - I can't imagine her being able to maintain this level of enthusiasm for another 20 weeks. I keep having to explain that it takes a very long time for a baby to grow big enough to be born etc.

But then again I didn't want her to hear it from anyone else, which she would have done if I had left it too long.

[alex8]

I waited till after the 20 weeks scan. Luckily hadn't put on any weight or had any symptons to explain away by then. Even then it felt like a long time when my son asked when the baby was coming almost every day!

[Jbck]

DD is 5 & we're waiting till as late as possible, everyone else knows that she doesn't & will not mention it to her (upon pain of death). I cannot bear the thought of 25 weeks of 'is the baby coming today?' It was bad enough when I was pg with her & she was 10 days overdue. DH's friend phoned up for his daily update & asked the usual DH said 'Oh we had it the other day but didn't think to mention it to people' He took the hint. You know that people are just excited but no-one wants it out more than you & it's very wearing. I think when they are little & don't have enough concept of time etc it's too much for them. DD's birthday is in September & LO due in November so she'll have a bit of perspective as she's a little older but I'm trying to wait till I'm about 24 weeks if I can or even longer. She's always poking my tummy & asking me to pretend there's a baby in it so I'll just play along then take her to a scan late on so she can see there is one. I'm fortunate that I've not been too sick or tired, one night I was in bed before her she came to read me a story to make me feel better

[janeinbarcelona]

I think you are all right about waiting a while. It would just be so easy to tell her now..... but as you say she doesn't really have any concept of the length of time involved in 'growing' a baby.

[toadstool]

I told DD (who is also 5) at 12 weeks. She's started thinking through some heavy stuff (like not being the only child any more) and as a result she's very clingy and anxious, but I don't regret it - maybe once the LO comes she'll be relieved it's not as bad as all that! I'd wait until the 'safe' point though - last year I told her about my PG before 12 weeks, then sadly had an mc - I do regret having done that. She does seem to have accepted the mc in a healthy way, though - she talks about it to people she tells about the PG now.

[fettleandminifettle]

Hello - congratulations!!!

We told DD who was almost 3 after I'd had a scan at 7 weeks due to some bleeding - well in reality she was with us for the scan - she was fascinated! Wanted to know why Mummy was being scanned like they scan things in supermarkets!!

She seems to have taken it completely in her stride - seemed quite happy that I was tired and sometimes unable to play as I felt sick. One evening she told DH, the reason I was feeling sick, was because the baby was giggling inside me!!! Was such a sweet thing to say and think that it made throwing up so much better, to think that it was because my baby was happy and laughing!!!

Anyway, she's still doing really well. Not really asking when baby is coming - every so often we look through the baby book together and discuss what the baby looks like in my tummy and I encourage her to speak to him too.

You know your child the best and how well they will cope with knowing - personally I've not regretted at all telling her quite early and I'm pleased how excited she is about it all, but she's not overly impatient about it arriving just yet.

Don't expect her to keep it a secret though - DD told the whole of nursery that we are having a boy after my 20 week scan earlier this week!! DH had wanted to keep it a secret, but I'm just pleased that she's happy it is a boy, as she had said she wanted a sister!

good luck!!!

[bubblegumcheeks]

my dd is 2y2m and I am 6 weeks pgnt we told dd straight away if we ask if she wants a baby brother or sister she says no but she knows that mommy has a baby in her tummy, she doesnt understand the concept of it all, but she will have time to get used to it. I think as each child is different you will know when the right time to tell them is