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Pregnancy

Ideas for pregnancy support if you can't afford a doula

8 replies

SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus · 23/04/2018 09:24

I'm expecting DC 2 in July and have a school age DC1. I have DH but all family is around 100 miles away, and some of them I wouldn't want near me at the birth.

I looked at the costs of a doula to offer a 2nd body if DH has to stay with DC1 (our closest friends locally have had long term fertility issues so we're v. wary of asking them to look after DC1, a neighbour has offered to have them until family can collect but have their own kids so we have to consider they may be unable to help (if one gets chicken pox, hand foot and mouth etc.) other neighbours don't have young kids). The Access fund for doulas has been closed and won't re-open until the summer which is too late for us. A mentored doula starts at £600, which we could just afford; a fully trained one £800 - £2000 which we definitely couldn't. The NCT doulas offered reduced rates, but only for Feb - April births. Sad

I work FT and we can't pay the mortgage on DH's PT salary; whilst we do have some money saved it's not loads and we need something to pay the mortgage whilst I'm on maternity leave and my pay keeps dropping. It looks like I can either pay for a doula, and go back to work at 4 - 5 months, or I'd have to manage on my own. Having seen the mess that was DC1's birth, extensive hospital stay, staff ignoring my wishes, dirty, understaffed wards etc. I can't manage that on my own.

I'm being told I'm too high risk to have a home birth (health issues with DC1 pregnancy, over 40 now) but I'm at a loss as to what other options I have. I still want to swap from the hospital where DC1 was born and, despite NHS guidance saying I can change my location when I chose, the community midwife is being really arsey about it so I'd love to see her face if I tell her I've decided to birth at home.

Any ideas where I can get support from for this?

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Jestem · 23/04/2018 16:42

Not got much to suggest, but I had a doula in training, so it cost much less than one who'd qualified. There's also a fund to provide doulas for women who can't meet the costs.

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AQuestionofIntent · 23/04/2018 16:45

Actually a mentored doula will start at £250 for a birth package (I am one)

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SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus · 23/04/2018 16:55

Thanks for your replies ladies. Jestern - it's the fund that you mention that has now been closed down.

AQuestion, the prices were going off the Doula UK website, and what is quoted on there. I'm just concerned that the doula near to us may be quite a way along her mentorship training and so more expensive than the £600 quoted. I'll speak to DH tonight, he's convinced that he'll definitely be there. I'm concerned that he won't be, or if he is, that he'll just go along with anything suggested by the midwives when I have some "absolute no" things on my birth plan for very good reasons that, if I can't advocate for myself, he wouldn't advocate for me.

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Maedoula · 23/04/2018 21:50

Hi @SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus

I am a recognised doula with Doula UK. Whilst the ball park figures you have given are roughly accurate, some Doulas actually charge less than £600 and some will actually offer you a payment plan etc.

If you go onto the Doula UK website and use the 'find a doula' search facility, the doulas that cover your area will pop up and you could email them with your budget etc. Some may not be flexible whilst others will, I'd say it's worth a shot! Smile

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Embracethechaos · 24/04/2018 06:22

You are clearly very anxious... Was going to write about NHS support available for anxiety until I read 'midwife being arsey'...you're clearly under a lot of stress and you don't have a great relationship with your midwife, but I've spoken to healthcare professionals honestly and respectfuly and been offered and referred to lots of charity and NHS services which I've turned down a lot of offers....I know it depends on your area though.

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Embracethechaos · 24/04/2018 06:29

Good luck finding someone, noone should go through childbirth unsupported, without an advocate. At the end of the day though, childbirth is unpredictable and uncontrollable, having a clear idea of your birth plan is good but opposite to me, I have no idea what I want as I don't know what will happen medically. I'm also not allowed a home birth, I wanted one but I've come around to the idea of a birth centre in a hospital with emergency care instantly available.

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SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus · 24/04/2018 10:29

Thanks laides. The issue with the midwife is that I saw "my" community midwife at booking in and then she went off work, long term sick, so, whilst I've seen the same midwife each time, she's essentially doing her colleague's appointments of top of her own work so appointments are rushed and you are asked "so have you got any other questions to ask me?" whilst closing up your notes.

It's not comparable, as an environment to talk through issues, to that which we had at booking in with the original midwife. The question about swapping hospitals was clearly something that she felt was an inconvenience as it would require work to swap contacts. She said I have to make my mind up as soon as possible, but I don't. I can change my mind about where I give birth at any stage (hence why home birthing women can change their mind and ask to give birth in hospital) and, having seen how many labouring women get referred from hospital 1 to hospital 2 to give birth because hosp. 1 is full, it's obviously not something that's that difficult to arrange.

I have another meeting with her next week, so will talk to her again about birth options and the stress this is causing and see where it gets me.

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squiglyline · 24/04/2018 11:29

Hi @SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus

I am a nanny and I have been on call for pregnant mums before.

I charge a fee for being on call then an hourly rate while with the other children.

I get a phone call when you need to leave for the hospital and I leave and go to your house and care for your children while you go to the hospital.

You could ask around and see if there are any local nannies around your area who would be interested?

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