What is a delayed miscarriage?

[Hannie123]

On my diagnostics letter it says I’ve had a delayed miscarriage, is that different from a silent miscarriage? What does this exactly mean as I haven’t found much online. Thank you.

[Greenglassteacup]

It is a missed miscarriage. The pregnancy isn’t viable but you haven’t passed the preganancy. Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been through it 4 times.

[SunshineDreamingAllDay]

I'm very sorry to hear that. for you. Did you find out at a scan?
It's the same thing as a silent miscarriage, also called a missed miscarriage.
It means that the baby has died earlier in the pregnancy or failed to develop but you haven't had a miscarriage occur.

This link should hopefully help you with some of your questions.

www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/pregnancy-complications/pregnancy-loss/miscarriage/types-miscarriage/missed-miscarriage-information-and-support

Have you been given some information about your options now?

[Hannie123]

Oh gosh, four times I’m so sorry. This was my first pregnancy and it so just been awful. I’ve had spotting since Saturday but no proper bleed yet and have decided to do it naturally. Just feel so down and low right now. I’m sorry for your losses and hope you’re doing well. Xx

[Hannie123]

I was bleeding Friday night and woke up to it, so I went for an emergency scan and was told the pregnancy aac was there but that’s all, looked like it happened a little while ago. I was 10weeks 5 days. I had a previous scan at 5 weeks and everything was fine. The options was discussed but everything was so quick. I opted for a natural miscarriage but the woman was awful. Not informative or sensitive at all, was really strange and hard. I’m just waiting for the blood to start and for everything to pass. I have spotting and slight cramps, but that’s all for now. Have another scan in two weeks today to check everything has passed.

[Greenglassteacup]

I’m so sorry Hannie, it’s a horrible time for you & I think that EPU staff can be very unhelpful, this was my experience as well. Have you got some support at home?

[Greenglassteacup]

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

I found this organisation a great support

[Hannie123]

Yes, I found them to be unhelpful but the support from my husband and family has been unimaginable. Especially my husband as it’s a tough time for him too. He lost his father two months ago and now we’ve got this to deal with. But he’s been amazing as always and very strong. Thank you for the website x

[brianodriscoll]

I'm currently in hospital waiting to be discharged after surgical management of a missed miscarriage (tried natural, tried medical).

I'm finding it all a complete head fuck as I felt the same throughout as my hormone levels didn't drop.

I second the miscarriage association website - it's informative without being too scary.

PM if you want to talk about it - I'm new round here and never used PMs but can't be too hard!!

X

[NickyNora]

Sorry for your loss.

My baby died at 8+2.,I found out my 12 week scan. I had no symptoms so was a terrible shock. I decided to go for surgery as I have no support with my DC with SN.

[AKP79]

OP - has anyone prepared you for how miscarrying will feel physically? I hate that there isn't more support for women who go through this.

I've had a couple of MMC and the first time I was very unprepared. Look after yourself with lots of TLC - it's lovely to hear you have lots of support around you. x

[Hannie123]

Honestly, not really. Medically I’ve been very uninformed and it’s only because I joined here yesterday I have a lot more understanding. I went gp and all she spoke about was future planning for another baby. My husband and I left quite shocked, there was nothing else just about trying again. She didn’t ask me once how am I doing or coping.

So psychically I wasn’t too sure what to expect. But I have a bit more clarity now. I’m still just bleeding a little bit with cramps, but I haven’t started the actual process yet. I’m just resting today but I just hope it starts soon so I can begin to accept it more. Feel half pregnant,
Half not pregnant which is a weird feeling and emotion. Thanks for your message x

[Hannie123]

I’m new here too and haven’t used pm but I’ve just sent you my first one! Xx

[JohnLapsleyParlabane]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm a little bit ahead of you. I opted for medical management last Friday. If you want some practical tips for when it comes do let me know.

[Mama05070704]

I'm sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage after our first round of IVF. I found out at my viability scan that they baby had stopped developing the week before at 6+5. I was advised to await a natural miscarriage and sent on my way. I eventually miscarried at what would have been 11 weeks. The wait was heartbreaking and in hindsight, I probably would have opted for surgical management.

Hope it's over quickly for you. Take care. X

[rosemcn]

I’ve just found out that the foetus doesn’t have a heartbeat. However as it had grown 2mm in 2 weeks they won’t call it as no longer an ongoing pregnancy. It’s devastating. I just want this to be over with. I have to go back for another scan next week, simply to confirm what I know the situation is. I feel like I’m waiting for something terrible to happen. I’m supposed to be 9 and a half weeks and the foetus is measuring as 6 weeks so I know that it is not growing and I know in my heart that it will end in miscarriage. I’m just scared as to what to expect. This was our first pregnancy. I’m worried that I could miscarry at any moment. Or worse, that it is going to be prolonged for weeks and I will be stuck in this limbo of still being pregnant but not growing a baby. My husband has been wonderful but I’m not even sure what I’m feeling at the moment. We only found out yesterday. Anyway it’s comforting to hear other people’s experiences x

[Laney79]

I'm in a similar position. Private scan Saturday showed my bean was measuring 5 weeks-should've been 8ish weeks and no heartbeat. EPAU yesterday for another scan said the same -and 95% it's a missed miscarriage but as it's the first time they've seen me they say I have to wait to be rescanned in two weeks.
However I'm starting to get mild cramps and some browny blood when I wipe so I guess my bean is on his way.
My partner has been amazing. Don't think idve got through it so far without him.
Just feel heartbroken. First pregnancy at 38. Just hoping that we are successful next time.
I know it sounds weird but I'm so grateful I have the scan pic. Bean is nowt more than a blob but it feels like at least I have some evidence that it was there, and was growing if only for a short time. Part of me now. That make sense?

[Hannie123]

Hello Rosemcn , I’m so sorry for what’s happening to you, you must be devastated. It sounds very much like my situation. So you are not alone, and I hope you know you can reach out to me whenever you like.

I woke up to dried blood Saturday morning and went to EGU. They performed a scan and said I’m having a missed miscarriage. Still just bleeding lightly with slight cramps. Haven’t passed the pregnancy yet and the waiting just sucks. I’m emotionally and psychically feeling weak and low. But most of the time, I don’t know what I’m feeling and the absolute worst feeling is that I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like I have no sense of purpose.

I hope you get the news you want and everything works out for you and your husband. I’m praying for you. Try to stay positive and look after one another. You can message me anytime you like. All the best. Xx

[Hannie123]

Oh Laney, I’m so sorry. I completely completely understand. My partner has been amazing too and they deserve recognition as it’s a hard time for them too. This was my first pregnancy too, and I don’t think I’ll be trying anytime soon as this was quite distressing for me. I’m only 22.

I pray your next time is successful and goes as you plan. But for now, concentrate on yourself and your husband and I hope this stage passes for us both quickly.

If you want to message at any time please do, I hope everything works out for you and you’re doing okay. All the best and love. Xx

[Hannie123]

You said about the pictures,
You’re so lucky we didn’t get anything like that, wasn’t offered it at the first scan. All I have is the booties I brought and I just hold them and cry. I used to imagine them filled with tiny little pitta pattas but I guess they never will be now.

[AKP79]

Hannie I'm so cross for you that you've been so poorly cared for. As far as the physical side of the miscarriage goes I can only share my experience and everyone is different. I would make sure you've got some really absorbent pads in as well as stocking up on paracetamol and ibuprofen. My waters broke when I started to miscarry, but I suspect this might not be normal and I was further along, but it was a shock when it happened.

There's likely to be lots of strong cramping, you bleed heavily, combined with passing clots. In my experience the clots are what caused the cramping and once I'd passed a clot the pain would subside.

I found it quite a lonely experience is there anyone who can be with you if you need them there?

I hope my words serve to reassure you that what you're going through is normal (in the realms of miscarrying) and will take the edge of the unknown away a little. For me I found not knowing what is going to happen and how it would feel quite scary.

Lots of hugs. x

[rosemcn]

@AKP79 thanks for sharing your experience, the unknown of what is physically going to happen is really quite scary.

@Laney79 I hope you’re ok. Very similar situation. I don’t know where my emotions are at the moment. I can’t believe you have to wait two weeks for your next scan. The idea of one week is making me feel ill. They never gave me a picture of my scan, I guess NHS don’t in the early scans, feel like this pregnancy will just be forgotten. My little doggie is cuddling me very tightly at the moment which is lovely. I haven’t had any spotting or cramps. I had cramps which I assume were growing pains until a couple of weeks ago but nothing recently, which must have been when the bean stopped growing. Sending you lots of love.

I feel like I don’t know how to refer to the foetus. ‘foetus’ sounds so medical and unemotional, but baby just makes me sad and I feel like people will judge me for thinking of it that way, so I’m trying to word it correctly to explain to people what I will be going through.

@Hannie123 thank you for your support and I’m sending you lots of love too. I’m like you, although 27, the emotional drain this is, I can’t see myself trying again for a little while. That’s one of the most upsetting things, when you tell people what’s happening they just say, it will happen again, you will have a baby. It doesn’t feel like that right now. This is the baby I wanted and I’m not ready to try again yet. I have to reset my whole brain as to what my life is going to be like in the future. My husband is super supportive and agrees that we should wait until we’re both ready to try again. I don’t want to just replace this pregnancy but I’m envious of people who feel able to try again.

I’ve been reading about people burying their little ones etc and I don’t honestly know what I’m going to do. I’m so scared of the physical side of it. I had a medical abortion 3 years ago and it was terrible, I was in so much pain I threw up. I feel like this is my punishment for having an abortion, something I have always regretted. I’m so ashamed I don’t even tell people. Feel like this is what I deserve.

I’m glad there are people like you all to talk to xx hope everyone’s ok x

[AKP79]

@rosemcn how about calling it your bean? I always referred to our MMCs as our baby (12 and 14 weeks), but then I found comfort in that. You have to do what's right for you and sod what others think.

If it helps to hear this. I have had two MMCs and am now 24 weeks pregnant with what appears to be a healthy baby. I'm 38 years old and really thought I couldn't face trying again. Give yourself some space to grieve and comprehend your current situation and you will probably surprise yourself and be ready to try again.

We buried our first baby and our friend bought us a rose bush to plant next to it. With our second it was taken by the hospital for testing and they cremated it.

Sending you all lots of love during a very tough time.

[PartyintheKitchen]

Hi everyone, I couldn't read and run. So sorry that anyone is currently going through a MC, it's such a horrible time and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I just wanted to flag a really great thread on chat which you should all have a read through:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1344311-Tips-for-coping-with-the-practicalities-of-miscarriage

I found this very helpful when having a MC in January. We (amazingly) managed to fall pg very quickly after the mc, it was totally unexpected as we tried for many many months for a BFP previous to mc. Just goes to show you never know.

Take care all

[Hannie123]

@rosemcn please don’t blame yourself and think you’ve caused this. I did and at time still do this to myself. I can’t help think of the all the bad things I’ve done and think now I’m being punished. But try not to see it like that. If you are religious, remember God is always kind and just. But if you are not, just remember that this loss you suffer is not the cause of your actions previously. It’s just an unfortunate and great loss, but not your fault.

People tend to not know what to say, my sister and mum said I can try again and it’ll happen for me, I then explained to them, I don’t want a baby, I wanted this baby. I only knew about 6weeks but I changed my entire life plans. I was on my way on becoming an educational psychologist but I put a hold on my studies and work, to become a stay at home mum. Me and my husband completely changed our plans and was set. When I was told, that’s one of the first thing I said “I had a plan”. Resetting my brain is the hardest thing to do. The thought of October coming and me being at work or studying at not at home with my baby, breaks me.

So I completely understand you, and know what you’re feeling. You’re not alone and I know how tough all this feels xx

[rosemcn]

Thank you so much @Hannie123 for your kind words, they mean the world to me at the moment. I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to. I completely agree with you about having a plan, life throws so much at you.

@partyinthekitchen that’s a great thread, just had a quick look and already feel better informed so thank you

I think bean is a good idea @AKP79

Can I ask how you guys coped with pregnant friends? I live far away from family and friends in a new place, the one good friend I’ve made here is 6 months pregnant. She keeps asking to meet up and to be honest I just can’t bear the idea of seeing her bump or talking about her pregnancy. I feel awful about it!

Xx