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I’m pregnant again and my baby is 8 months old....

(142 Posts)
TwinkleStars15 Sat 24-Feb-18 19:20:55

I don’t know what to do sad It wasn’t planned. She’s still a baby. I love her so much and don’t want her to miss out because of another baby. We would like another but not until she’s 2/3/4. I’d only be back at work 3/4 months. We’d have no money. I’m in shock and can’t think straight. I don’t know if I could go through with a termination but I also can’t imagine having another baby so soon. I don’t even know why I’m posting this, I found out about 30 minutes ago and just needed to vent. Sorry!

TwinkleStars15 Sat 24-Feb-18 19:22:18

I think I had an implantation bleed about a week ago, how far along would that make me?

Forgeteverythingandremember Sat 24-Feb-18 19:23:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwinkleStars15 Sat 24-Feb-18 19:28:38

Yes I told DP straight away, he’s just as shocked. He also wanted to wait a while before considering another and he also isn’t sure of the right thing to do. He’s currently putting our little girl to bed.

Giraffelant Sat 24-Feb-18 19:28:39

Take your time to think about it.

I've a friend with a slightly smaller age gap (assuming you're about 1 month along - her older one was 5m when she got pregnant, and they're just over 13m apart, both boys). The first year with 2 was fairly hard for her, but since then she says it's been much easier than if they had been 2 years apart. They're really close and keep each other company. So I wouldn't worry about your DD - it could work out really nicely for her.

bridgetbishop Sat 24-Feb-18 19:29:03

She won't miss out - in a lot of ways It's easier to parent 2 the sane age as after the baby years they're into the same things. Mine are 4 years apart and it's harder to find stuff (activities / tv programes etc) they both like.

Second babies are cheaper as you can reuse a lot of stuff and you know what things you do and don't need second time round.

These are practical things you can deal with.

goodbyestranger Sat 24-Feb-18 19:33:23

My first gap was the same between DD1 and DD2 and then I had two shorter gaps (14 months) between DD2 and DD3 and DD3 and DS1. It's fine. There are advantages and disadvantages every way, just try to focus on the advantages.

flapjackfairy Sat 24-Feb-18 19:36:57

There is only 13 months between me and my brother and we were v close as young kids . My mum says it was hard work for the first few months but otherwise it was all good .

Fieau Sat 24-Feb-18 19:40:15

You have choices, and you do not have to decide them right now. This wasn't planned and is a shock so let yourself (and your DH) have some time to let this sink in and then carefully consider your options. You don't need to rush into either decision. Flowers flowers and hugs if you want them.

numptynuts Sat 24-Feb-18 19:40:45

16 months between my two. Planned though but it was fine! It's better as they get older too IMO

pastabest Sat 24-Feb-18 19:50:24

I found out I was expecting DC 2 when DC1 was 7 months old.

I can't say I don't have moments where I think what the fuck I have I done (currently 24 weeks with a very active 1 year old) but there is a similar age gap between me and my sister and I can't say I ever felt either of us ever missed out because of it.

I'm prepared for it to be hard for the first few months - year but like PP have said everyone I know who have children with a similar age gap say that once you get past that first year it makes everything else much easier that they are close in age.

Things to keep an eye on - statutory maternity pay is calculated between weeks 17 and 25 of pregnancy so you need to make sure you are back at work over those weeks as far as possible (depending on how large your wage is you may only need to work some of them to qualify).

Also, because the length of time you will be back at work for will be relatively short it might be worth considering how feasible working full time will be (if you had been planning to go back part time) during that period if it means you get a better maternity package for the next period of maternity leave. You will have accrued leave and bank holidays whilst you have been off so it might be worth doing the sums.

DigitalGhost Sat 24-Feb-18 19:53:38

My brother was 6 month old when my mum got pregnant with me. He's one of my best friends and neither of us feel we missed out on anything.

jellyonaplate88 Sat 24-Feb-18 19:57:36

Hi @TwinkleStars15 - snap, I think! DS is 7 months. Positive test today when no period showed up. I'm only 4/5 weeks though I think and doing to do a digital test in a bit as mine was a cheapie blue one. Don't know what to think either, I'm due to start a new job in April when DS is 9 months too confused

peanut2017 Sat 24-Feb-18 20:00:44

I have a 10 month old and I'm 15 and a bit weeks pregnant. Only back in work on Monday so dreading telling them.

I'm terrified but happy too as I'm nearly 40 so time is against me.

You have only just found out so of course are in shock. Try and let it sink in and chat about it with your husband when your little one is bed. Also sleep on it tonight and see how you feel in the morning.

It will be hard but is doable but of course you have options. I don't think there is ever a perfect time having a baby and as others have said there are advantages and disadvantages to having them close in age.

PoshPenny Sat 24-Feb-18 20:06:27

I have 13 months between my two, it wasn't planned and I was very very upset when I found out, it had been a pretty traumatic birth ending in an emergency CS and I was terrified about having to do it all over again so soon. Also I just felt I was beginning to get my life back as the baby had settled into a routine and i felt life was getting back on track. I was self employed so maternity leave had been the minimum 6 weeks. So I spent most of the pregnancy in denial, grudgingly bought a double pushchair at about 36 weeks etc etc. With hindsight, it was all OK you know, and it was good getting it all over with so soon rather than having a larger gap. They have always been such good friends. I have never got over my guilt at my negative feelings towards my second child in utero. She is a wonderful person. It might be OK you know thanks

Viviennemary Sat 24-Feb-18 20:07:49

I think this will be fine although hard work for a couple of years. And born so close together in age they will probably grow up closer to each other.

Icklepickle101 Sat 24-Feb-18 20:07:55

15 months between me and my sister and we were best friends growing up. Mum said it was easier than the 3 year gap with my little sister

Cowsopinion Sat 24-Feb-18 20:11:20

I found out I was pregnant with DC3 when DC2 was 8 weeks old...blush

I find it hard. And I don't really feel I remember DC2 baby days because I was so knackered. Having said that I know people who have done it and find it a breeze and go on to have a couple more.

You have options OP. Take your time. flowers

MaMisled Sat 24-Feb-18 20:11:28

My heart is in my mouth reading this because 19 years ago I was in the same position. I felt like someone was delivering a Chinese takeaway and an Indian. I wanted them both but not at the same time! I was devastated and couldn't even tell anyone for weeks. I couldn't face it. My baby was so precious and so young and needed me so much.

I faced it at 8 mths. Accepted it by buying some white baby socks in Woolworths! Baby was due at Christmas and I was full of resentment as my daughter deserved all my attention and love and care. I was certain I wouldn't love this new baby like I should. I was terrified.

Anyway, another daughter was born when my first was just 16mths old. The overwhelming love was huge, overpowering and it swept away any guilt I felt.

I gave my daughter the best Christmas present ever. It was hard work, of course, but no harder than coping with that scary first born!

My girls are genuinely best friends, always have been. Having them so close was a blessing just as everyone told me it would be.

DollyDayScream Sat 24-Feb-18 20:13:42

15 months between mine.

It was hard at first, but there are so many benefits! We have never regretted it.

wisewomanmummy Sat 24-Feb-18 20:13:46

My ds was born exactly 2 weeks before my dd's first birthday! Hard work but they kept each other company and they are very close now.

TwinkleStars15 Sat 24-Feb-18 20:13:52

Thank for all for your replies. I just can’t believe how stupid we’ve been, we’re both grown adults and should know better.
I’m not due back to work til the end of June and I guess I’d be 22 weeks by then (presuming I’m 4 now?). I was going back on a full time contract but only working 3 days a week until December due to the amount of annual leave I have. I have no idea how that would work with maternity pay.
I don’t even know what a termination would be like. Or if I could go through with it. But my gut says it’s too soon.
We are so stupid.

Justanothernap Sat 24-Feb-18 20:15:08

I found out I was pregnant when my baby was 9 months. I was shell shocked and took a few weeks (months) to get used to the idea.

Now I have a 2 & 1/2 yo & a 1 yo. The first 6 months were hard work. But now my oldest loves the baby. Loves chasing him about, playing with him. So don't necessarily feel that you're taking something from your baby.

There are benefits to getting the baby years sorted early. I'm really happy to be done with being pregnant, breast feeding, newborns. Plus being so close in years similar days out etc will appeal for longer.

It's a massive shock but it could all be fine.

BlessYourCottonSocks Sat 24-Feb-18 20:18:05

Been there, done that and it was fine, if that's any consolation.

It felt just as easy to have two small children as one.

Worst child was last DS - because there is a big age gap and no one to play with him. Honestly...I would always much rather have two than one.

iMatter Sat 24-Feb-18 20:22:29

I have a 12 month gap between my two.

Hard to begin with but a piece of cake pretty quickly.

Same interests, lots of the same mates.

Enjoy 😊

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