Advanced search

Pregnant? See how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy with the Mumsnet Pregnancy Calendar.

Just found out my partner has cheated on me whilst I’m pregnant

(21 Posts)
Kc89 Thu 22-Feb-18 06:07:21

Hi everyone I’m looking for some advise or just something to help me through this as I feel I am going crazy. I think looking for advise of some who doesn’t no either party and take sides.

I have 3 children from a previous relationship I met my partner I have now almost 3 years ago and from day one he new about my kids and took them on as his own. We now have an 18month old together and I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant to him. When I found out I was pregnant this time I was scared worried and not that happy to b honest because I really didn’t want anymore children we had talked at the early stage of us having an abortion and agreed it would b best I few days later he told me it really wasn’t what he wanted and we just take more time to reconsider because there was already 4 and one more wouldn’t hurt. Obviously pregnant 24 weeks pregnant we decided to carry on with the pregnancy. Things had been very rocky for a few months we would argue a lot he would take himself out at the weekends and not come home we would fight about that then the same thing would repeat. It got to a point 2 weeks ago I told him I couldn’t deal with anymore stress and told him to leave. Within this 2 weeks we talked and decided we really wanted to give things another go and try make them work. So he came back on Friday we had missed each other and one thing led to another and we needed up having sex he went out on the Saturday night and come back Sunday we were talking and he told me he has slept with someone else and she is now pregnant too. I have tried to ask questions for my own piece of mind when it happened how many times etc and he is being extremely sketchy with his answers he refuses to give me a straight answer only thing I no for sure is they had been talking for quite a while how long tho I have no idea.

My heart is absolutely breaking because I never thought he would do this to me I have no idea who this girl is or what she looks like but I can’t get the image out of my head of someone else being with him and it’s hunting me. I’m not eating or sleeping properly. I wish I could say I hated him because it would make things so much easier but I don’t I love him and I wanted us to a family. But with what has happened and the fact I have no answers it’s tearing me apart inside.

I’m so sorry this post is so long but I just wanted to get as much out as possible if anyone has any advise or just anything they can say to help I would appreciate it so much. xx

Afreshcuppateaplease Thu 22-Feb-18 06:12:00

Oh you poor thing sad

This is a deal breaker for me. If he can do that to you while pregnant then he is worthless.

You need to focus on yourself and your dc including new baby. That little baby you are growing needs you to eat and sleep.

I know it is so hard. You are in such a vunerable position. Do you have friends and family who can support you?

Kc89 Thu 22-Feb-18 06:20:19

Yes I have people around me they have been helping me with the other kids and giving me a break. I just basically wanted to c what other people thought that aren't friends and family because I no right now they all just want to kill him lol. X

Afreshcuppateaplease Thu 22-Feb-18 06:25:20

That is understandable. He has hurt you! He should be taking care of you and helping you!

Have you ended the relationship?

Kc89 Thu 22-Feb-18 06:27:54

Well we had ended it just over 2 weeks ago but has decided on Friday we would give it another go and try make things work but it wasn't until Sunday that I actually found out. He's not living with me anymore. So he agreed on the Friday we would try again and sort things out but it still took him another two days from that to tell me about her x

Afreshcuppateaplease Thu 22-Feb-18 06:33:16

Honestly. Situations like this i feel like if you forgive it and try again that you will either conatantly be thinking he is up to no good or he actually will be up to no good because he got away with it once already

Kc89 Thu 22-Feb-18 06:43:14

That's exactly what I have been thinking because at some point he has told me he's staying at his friends after a night out but clearly that was not always the case I no every time he would go out I would end up driving myself crazy if he was bk there again and that is no way to live.

I wish I hated him it would make it all so much easier x

Afreshcuppateaplease Thu 22-Feb-18 06:45:23

Over time you will detatch from him emotionally

Its hard now because its come as a shock. Plus you are hormonal!

Kc89 Thu 22-Feb-18 06:46:41

That's is true. It's not something I ever dreamed would happen x

Afreshcuppateaplease Thu 22-Feb-18 07:00:51

You just need to be strong for your dc! One day at a time. flowers

Pittcuecothecookbook Thu 22-Feb-18 07:05:43

So does this mean he slept with someone before your split two weeks ago? Otherwise how would they know she's pregnant? The only difference it makes is that he it looks like he is still not being honest with you. Even if he was being 100% honest now, I agree with PP getting shot is the best option but given he probably isnt being honest now, I think it's even more clear xx

Kc89 Thu 22-Feb-18 09:03:24

Yes it's been before we split two weeks ago because as u say he wouldn't no she was pregnant now. When I had found out I was pregnant I didn't really take it too well and we had considered abortion as a plan and both agreed to do it then a few days later he said he could go through with it and that ended up being the final decision after much talking. He is telling me when I mentioned abortion he thought r relationship was over then and it happened around that time x

Afreshcuppateaplease Thu 22-Feb-18 09:05:57

Is he begging for forgiveness op or does he realise its over?

Kc89 Thu 22-Feb-18 09:09:16

At first he said he didn't feel bad for it because I had told him to leave the house and he thought we were over but yesterday we both met with the pastor from his church and now he's saying he is sorry and he wishes he hadn't hurt me but I just don't no if that was because his pastor was there or not. x

DearMrDilkington Thu 22-Feb-18 09:10:20

What an absolute twat, he guilts you into continuing the pregnancy and then he does this..Please don't take him back. I doubt this girl is the only one so focus on him, not her.

spugzbunny Thu 22-Feb-18 14:09:00

Besides the fact that your partner is an absolute twat ...

You need to get yourself tested for STDs. If she got pregnant then he wasn't using anything and any STD you have could be passed to your baby. Speak with your Midwife or go to a clinic and tell them you are pregnant.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this

gryffen Thu 22-Feb-18 14:19:48

Lass get yourself away from him and protect yourself and your kids.

Cheating is just something I don't tolerate whether it be emotional, physical, mental etc.

As other people have advised I would also speak to midwife about STD screenings etc.

Once cheating has happened that trust is broken - time for him to pay for his actions and own up - but imho don't take him back but make sure he supports you financially for the children that are yours together etc

twistedpink Thu 22-Feb-18 14:22:23

I couldn't just read and go. What an awful situation for you, if this was me I don't know if I would be able to let it go and move on as it would just always torment me. He needs to be honest with you and brutally honest, as to when it happened, how many time?? Was it a full blown affair? I know they are shit things that no one would want to hear but at the same time, if you don't know them your going to play a situation in your head which is likely no where near what happened.

I'd love to punch him in the face for you though... what a c0ck!!!!!!!! You won't feel the way you do forever and when you get over the initial heart break you will be able to think more clearly as to what you want. You will come out the other side, with a beautiful baby and your children who love you... xxxxxx

Kc89 Thu 22-Feb-18 14:23:15

Thank u everyone for all your messages I appreciate them all so much and it's so nice to c that everyone is saying the same thing so I don't feel like I'm going mad in the head this has really helped me thank u all again xx

Afreshcuppateaplease Fri 23-Feb-18 06:44:20

Keep strong for your dc op

It does them no good to see you in a relationship like that

It tells them its okay

I am sure you wouldnt want your sons to behave like xp or your daughters to be treated how you have

Twitchett22 Fri 23-Feb-18 11:10:08

Finding out you're pregnant whether you both want it or not is a stressful time in itself, then add to that the talk of abortion, he should have been 100% with you not out dipping his unprotected wick in someone else. I know people have different views on tolerating cheating, its only once blah blah but when you are pregnant and going through all these emotions and stress, sex with someone else is unforgivable imo.
Get shot OP, i know its heart breaking but if he can do it to you while you're going through the turmoil of an abortion decision, he'll do it again without a second glance.
Look after yourself and your dcs, and take all the support you can from your family, its him losing out flowers

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: