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Questions from strangers

(28 Posts)
KittyKK Wed 21-Feb-18 11:51:23

Why do strangers ask when my baby is due and if it’s a boy/girl? I’m finding it really odd, as I’d never think to ask someone I don’t know such personal questions.

I suppose it goes along with “ooooo not long to go” and “is it just the one in there”. Be quiet strange people who I’ve never met before!!

I’m being grumpy I know. I might smack MIL if she mentions my size one more time (I now exclaim “no one’s allowed to comment on my appearance” whenever I see her).

Sunnyshiny Wed 21-Feb-18 11:58:17

I keep getting this too! (I didn't so much with my first)

Also a few people have had the cheek to ask if it was planned! shockshockconfused

Nayynayy Wed 21-Feb-18 12:03:57

I don't mind too much when people ask what I'm having. What does annoy me is wow you're big/huge ... why is this okay? My MIL loves telling me how my SIL looked big cos she has a tiny frame... I'm usually an 8 feel like saying wtf does that mean. I bumped into 2 old male friends while out last week and they both were like wow you're big, the other like yeah you're REALLY big, while they stand and stare at your bump. Why when you're pregnant do people think they can stare at your body and pass comments like this like it won't bother you?

Bobbiepin Wed 21-Feb-18 12:06:39

Standard answer for 'do you know what it is?' Is "Its a baby. DH wanted a cat/dog/dragon but we checked and its definitely a baby."

Chocolatesaveslives Wed 21-Feb-18 12:26:28

I don't really mind when people ask, They're just making conversation.

Sometimes I do answer 'a baby' when they ask what I'm having or I say 'I'm not pregnant' (im very clearly pregnant!) but thats just because I've felt like being a wind up and having a bit of fun. No harm done either way.

Bobbiepin Wed 21-Feb-18 15:05:29

Haha @chocolate I did the same at work (I'm a teacher). Kids would say to me "miss are you pregnant?" and I would say "no I'm just fat" and walk away.

RosieCotton Wed 21-Feb-18 22:34:03

I found the worse thing was strangers not only asking stuff like "is there only one" but "my god your gonna be huge y the time your finished" the worst of all was random people touching my belly. Like I was part of a damned petting zoo!!!

Twitchett22 Wed 21-Feb-18 22:42:24

I find it odd too. Cashiers in the supermarket asking if you've got a name for it yet etc, i would never think to do that. It doesn't offend me though, what does offend me is comments about my size. When people say oh haven't you gone big. Well yeah there's a full term baby in my belly where do you want it to live? Yet up until about 35 weeks I had people telling me I didn't look that pregnant?! F off angry

Bez9087 Thu 22-Feb-18 06:08:38

Iv had a lot of the “when are you due” or “what are you having” (I’m 32+5 with twin girls) a few of my personal favourites is, “not long now...” me saying well yes 7 weeks actually and them recoiling in horror sometimes I correct them and mention it’s twins sometimes I leave them depends on my mood on the day. Or the “was it planned?” No Doreen no one can plan for twins can they?! hmm or the best one yet “how was they conceived? natural or ivf?” This one was in Aldi checkout que confused I just looked at her and asked if I needed to explain the birds and the bees?! Some people have no filter and the further I’m getting my patience is wearing thin although I bet it’s just the start and will get many more twin comments when they are here. Argh rant over grin

Mouthfulofquiz Thu 22-Feb-18 06:38:54

I never minded when I was asked with any of my three. People are just making conversation. Sometimes if I see a pregnant woman and the opportunity is there, I'll say something like 'you look really lovely, long to go?'
No-one has bitten my head off yet or told me they are having a dragon confused hmm.

PerfumeIsAMessage Thu 22-Feb-18 06:52:29

They're making conversation and being nice. They're acknowledging you're going through something quite important. Prepare for the eleventy million 'does he sleep?' questions later.

londonloves Thu 22-Feb-18 07:00:20

It doesn't stop. Prepare yourself for questions about feeding and sleeping and if you're having sex again and if you're going to have another one...

Bobbiepin Thu 22-Feb-18 07:04:50

Actually the pregnancy questions pissed me off less than "is she a good baby?" Like what exactly would make her bad? She's not committed murder yet today Mabel so I think she's doing ok....

My DD is currently feeding every 2 hours, round the clock. I've not had more than 3 hours consecutive sleep in 3 weeks (growth spurt & a leap) but I don't think that makes her any less good you know?

joystir59 Thu 22-Feb-18 07:05:12

People are just showing an interest. Bit much to expect them to ignore the elephant in the room, so to speak, isn't it?

Catinthebath Thu 22-Feb-18 07:06:13

I find it odd that pregnant women object to being asked. It seems rather rude to come into contact with a pregnant woman and not acknowledge the pregnancy at all, so it’s easy small talk. Whenever I’ve asked this, it’s for that reason alone and I don’t even register the answer.

BertrandRussell Thu 22-Feb-18 07:09:48

It's all part of the insular "my little family" culture. Rey are only chatting. Being nice. Acknowledging something exciting that's happening. Pleased to have something to say that isn't "Isn't it wet/dry/hot/cold/snowy/sunny today" Just smile, say something and be pleased for the kindness of strangers

Abetes Thu 22-Feb-18 07:14:01

They’re being nice. They’re talking to you rather than ignoring you .

AbsolutelyCorking Thu 22-Feb-18 07:14:30

They’re trying to be nice. How odd to get so offended. Strap yourself in, OP, because you’ve got a very long road ahead of filled with even more intrusive questions that you would have imagined before kids. You’re signing up to a lifetime of boring conversations.

PerfumeIsAMessage Thu 22-Feb-18 07:53:20

I always think it would be interesting to do some empirical research on whether the pregnant women objecting to having their pregnancy acknowledged are happy when everyone ignores their baby once it's born...

Spam88 Thu 22-Feb-18 08:19:57

You're just being a grump OP 👍

londonloves Thu 22-Feb-18 08:36:56

I think there a difference between friendly chat like, when are you due, do you know if it's a boy or a girl, is it your first (although this implies there'll be a second, so periodically pisses me off), and the more intrusive body stuff. I was really upset by a woman at work going on and on about how huge I was and telling me off for eating sandwiches...

cornishmumtobe Thu 22-Feb-18 09:09:05

I loved getting questions like this when pregnant. I thought it was kind of people to show an interest.

balljuggla Thu 22-Feb-18 09:10:09

I've just had a baby girl and tbh a lot of the time when I was pregnant these questions pissed me off a lot too. There's nothing wrong with people acknowledging the situation and saying something nice, however I got sick and tired of the intrusion of a lot of it. Comments about how huge I was, was I having twins, looking shocked when I said I still had a couple of months to go - so fucking rude! And asking if she was planned; I would just never ask someone that!
The worst of all though: my DP has two lovely girls already and when we found out we were having a daughter a number of people suggested that he might be disappointed by "another" girl angry Offensive on a number of levels but also in my hormonal state made me cry a couple of times.

user1499786242 Thu 22-Feb-18 10:47:03

Personally I love it when people ask questions!
I'm happy to talk about being pregnant!
And for example if there's a pregnant lady at baby group or something I will always acknowledge it and ask a few questions.. didn't realise it could offend TBH 😬

ClaireBear1986 Thu 22-Feb-18 11:18:52

I love people asking me questions about my little man, as long as they aren't too personal. Was he planned, or how was he conceived is definitely too much and very odd.
But asking about the sex of the baby, or due date I think is fine. I'm a very chatty person though, so that might be why it doesn't bother me.

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