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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Baby Number 4 is another boy!

29 replies

3boysandababyontheway · 21/02/2018 08:04

Probably in the wrong thread but....

I am pregnant with baby number 4. I have said from day 1 that this would be our last baby.
I have just had a scan at 25 weeks and although the sonographer didnt say what baby was, there was no denying that baby is a boy.
I know I shouldn't but I feel so deflated. I had convinced myself that this time I would get a girl and had been picturing pretty dresses and lots of pink.
I know I should be happy that baby is healthy, which I am, but I can't shake the feeling of missing out on a mother and daughter bond.
I love all 3 of my boys to bits and i know I will love this little one just as much but it still hurts.
Everywhere I look there is baby girls, or mums with their daughter and girly clothes in the shops.
I truly thought that this time I was carrying a girl.
Please tell me I'm not the only one feeling like this and it does get better

OP posts:

Report

Purpleandfinish · 21/02/2018 08:22

Congrats!
I felt so disappointed when I found out I was having a girl as I wanted another boy. But as time has passed I have got used to it now. Don’t worry!

3boysandababyontheway · 21/02/2018 08:33

Thank you. I just thought after having 3 boys it had got to of been a girl. I know I will get over it and I feel blessed to not only have fallen pregnant but to be carrying a healthy baby. Just came as a shock at the scan. I really didn't want to find out the sex of baby either but I couldn't not miss his boy bits! Feel a little let down that I don't have that build up of excitement of the whole not knowing the sex until the day.

OP posts:

unicorncow · 21/02/2018 20:25

At least finding out now you've got time to get used to the idea that you're having a little boy and by the time he's born you'll fall in love with him

blinkineckmum · 21/02/2018 20:32

4 boys is a wonderful gift. Congratulations!

HotCrossBunFight · 21/02/2018 20:34

Congratulations on your lovely news!

beepthemeep · 21/02/2018 20:48

Honestly Op, having a daughter is no guarantee of anything. I know a good few women who don't get on with their mothers at all.

You have a gorgeous healthy baby and you're going to have the most wonderful messy loud chaotic amazing family. Don't miss what you don't have - life's too short

WhyTheHeckMe · 21/02/2018 20:51

My SIL has now had 5 boys and always longed for a girl. She was pretty depressed by baby no.5 and has decided definitely no more.
I understand if you really wanted a girl the sadness you must be feeling but it will go and you've given yourself time to get used to it.
Congratulations and think how happy the 4 boys will be growing up together! I grew up next to a family with 4 boys and my mum still lives next door to their elderly parents.
They are there almost every Sunday with their familes for dinner :)
Just think a girl would have probably felt left out x

MikeUniformMike · 21/02/2018 20:57

Dress him up in pink dresses and those big bow headbands. If anyone asks you if you are disappointed that he isn't a girl, tell them that he is a girl. Give him a nice girly name like Lily-Rose and refuse to let him play with any boys or toys that are not toy unicorns or dolls.

FaFoutis · 21/02/2018 20:59

Helpful, Mike.

Catinthebath · 21/02/2018 21:02

I just thought after having 3 boys it had got to of been a girl

What?

morningsex · 21/02/2018 21:09

Did you definitely find out sex, wasn't clear? It may still be a girl. I wanted boys (3 dds here) and didn't find out with any of them as as appalling as it sounds I would have been disappointed. However on the day they were all born I hand on heart could not have been happier. Wanting one gender over another is viewed terribly and I can understand that viewpoint but you won't love this little boy (or maybe girl) any less. Congratulations OP

MikeUniformMike · 21/02/2018 21:11

It was tongue in cheek. Be glad that you have happy and healthy children. I expect it would be quite normal to feel a little disappointed, and if you need to talk about it, here is a good place to do so.
OP's tone was a bit like she wanted a doll not a baby.
Very best wishes with your pregnancy OP.

Tootsings · 21/02/2018 21:21

Feel for you OP, sorry the baby isn't what you expected

I get it. I only have one DS and I was desperate for a girl. Soon as he was born, I turned crazy with love for him and wouldn't change his sex now girls are so complicated

Boys are great but if I had another I thought I would of longed for a girl too so I could do all the girly stuff. Now I only want boy boy boy!

Enjoy your new baby

And remember they're all different characters so all completely different anyway

PerfectlyDone · 21/02/2018 21:26

Congratulations!

My H experienced gender disappointment, I did not.

In fact much as a girl would have been very welcome in our family, when Nr4 was a boy I was very glad that this child would never have to feel that we 'kept going' until we got a girl.

Allow yourself to feel disappointed, realise that this disappointment is borne out of a skewed idea of what A Girl would be like, then move on.

I have 4 boys between 15 and 8, a male dog and a male guinea pig
I maintain strong female friendships and work with female colleagues - thank goodness!

Every child is different - celebrate that

PerfectlyDone · 21/02/2018 21:27

Every time you conceive its a 50:50 chance of either sex (in fact very slightly skewed toward boys).
The 'decision' as to what sex the baby will be lies with the father's contribution anyway, your eggs had nothing to do with it!

Soozikinzii · 21/02/2018 21:32

I have 5 sons 1stepson and 3 grandsons I consider myself very fortunate they are all healthy and robust and we all get along great .I do understand where you are with this and I think it's natural to kind of want to recreate yourself as it were. You'll find they are great friends growing up .In fact someone came over to me at a party who was one of 6 brothers and he said he felt richer than a millionaire when they get together . Your sons will have that wonderful relationship and of course will all idolise their mum xx

PerfectlyDone · 21/02/2018 21:34

I worked with somebody who had 7 sons, no daughters, and absolutely delighted in all her grandchildren.

You are going to be close to your boys as you want to be if you maintain a relationship with them that is about them and their needs, not so much yours.

HorsesCourses · 21/02/2018 21:47

I was a girl ( now 50) and i have always despised pretty dresses. I don't care much at all for pink, except maybe hot pink.
There are no guarantees a girl would share your interests.

3boysandababyontheway · 22/02/2018 06:09

Thanks for all the comments. I am So happy with my boys and I already love the baby growing inside me too. I think I just got a shock as I had convinced myself baby was a girl this time.
Mike - I certainly do not just want a girl so I can dress her up like a doll. After 3 boys I think it's quite I understandable that I would of loved a girl.
What will be will be though. I no longer feel deflated. I have prepared myself for the questions/comments I will get once baby arrives. I received so many comments when i had my last baby, mainly from the older generation about not having a girl, how a boys is a mummys boy until he finds a wife.... the list goes on.
Morningsex - i didn't officially get told it was a boy but the first image when the sonographer scanned me was of baby from under his bottom. His legs were wide open and there was no denying there was a Willy there.
The sonographer did ask prior to scanning me if I knew what I was having, told her no and once the scan was done she then asked if I now had an inkling. Once I told her I now knew boy she didn't correct me or anything.

Thank everyone

OP posts:

Afreshcuppateaplease · 22/02/2018 06:30

I have three boys and a girl

However due to having three brothers my dd loves spiderman and avengers, rolling in mud and wearing football shirts

My point is even if you had had a girl its possible having three brothers would have rubbed off on her anyway!

PerfectlyDone · 22/02/2018 20:06

I have prepared myself for the questions/comments I will get once baby arrives

You think you have prepared yourself.... it is quite staggering what horrible shit people can come out with, without thinking and likely meaning well. My gem was somebody offering their condolences when I was out, proud as punch with DS4 who was a few days old only at that point. A healthy baby! Healthy mother aged 44! and fecking condolences were offered.

He is now 8 and Ii am still not over it

PerfectlyDone · 22/02/2018 20:07

It is lovely to see you sounding so much more positive btw

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3boysandababyontheway · 23/02/2018 05:39

PerfectlyDone

I got comments from an elderly lady throughout my last pregnancy. I didn't even know her but every time I saw her she would say "oh I hope you get a girl this time". Once my son was born she had the cheek to say "another boy? What a shame"
When I told her I was more than delighted with our new son she acted shocked.
Couldn't believe someone could say such a thing about a newborn baby.
Now I avoid her at all costs. I don't need her negativity.

I know I will get comments again once baby is here but I really do not care. This is my family, not their family so really it should not bother them wether we have a boy or a girl.

Some people need to think before the open their mouths.

OP posts:

Bue · 23/02/2018 06:26

Tbh I think this is a completely normal reaction when you already have three of the same sex. I have 2 DDs, which is just what I wanted, but if I went on to have more I think I'd be kind of gutted if i didn't get a boy by the fourth child! And that is without even having a vested interest in having a boy.

AbsolutelyCorking · 23/02/2018 06:33

I know it’s very thoughtless of people to make rude comments about having yet another boy, but don’t take it to heart, remember you felt the same when you first found out, which is why you started the thread. But once you get used to the idea you can reconcile to it. Other people will soon get used to it, too. It is rather unusual to have 4 boys so it’s probably a bit of a shock to most people.

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