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How do you stay calm?

(8 Posts)
86rob86 Wed 14-Feb-18 20:14:10

Hi all posting on behalf of myself and my girlfriend. Bit of background found out she is pregnant on Sunday (we think around 4-5 weeks) this will be our first and suffered an mc about 6 years ago. Our lifestyles are a lot better now than they were then. We smoked everyday drank very often and generally ate crap as you do when younger. No more smoking for either of us very little drink and diet a lot better. I also think it had a deeper effect on me than I realised at the time.

I think as an effect of what happened 6 months ago we are struggling to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. Every little twinge cramp or ache is setting alarm bells ringing. The crazy thing is we have looked back at her af tracker and the signs were there last week however before we even knew. Period ache can be tracked back to last Tuesday, dull back aches and sore breasts, joint pains and stomach cramps even nausea were noted down at some point previous to the weekend.

So why is it this week the same symptoms are driving us into meltdown? In my opinion things must be going well as symptoms are increasing the last couple of mornings she has felt more nauseous, she says her breasts are heavier and sore all around not just the nipple which was a classic time of month symptom. She has started getting either dry mouth or lots of excess saliva from one extreme to the other. She seems to be getting tireder earlier (i found her asleep in bath at 9pm the other night) yet its just the cramps and twinges that scare us. She says she still has dull aches on and off in lower belly and lower back (she does have a spinal compression facture) she also had pulling pains in the top of her legs earlier on the week but they seem to have disappeard.

Today she had two sharp pains this morning but was more occupied at work in the afternoon and didnt notice anything is it mind over matter? We are booked in with midwife on Monday but may go and see doctor tomorrow as she thinks she may have a water infection from constant wiping to check everythings ok. We are also thinking of booking an early scan.

Sorry for the rambling and long winded post I just needed somewhere to vent fot both of us. Have any of you gone through the same and how did you manage to start relaxing? I just wish we could relax and enjoy this time.

holycityzoo Wed 14-Feb-18 20:26:17

I've had three mcs and four babies.
Once you've had a miscarriage it does take away some of the innocent enjoyment of pregnancy and its natural to feel worried.
Book an early scan if you think it will reassure you both.
What helped me was to realise there is absolutely nothing you can do. If it's going to happen it's going to happen just try and stay positive and focus on today you are pregnant that's all you can do really.
There is a thread on here for people who are pregnant after miscarriage and its a really helpful supportive place to be.
If it's helps at all (probably not!) early pregnancy can be quite uncomfortable, lots of strange pains, cramps and stretching ligaments it can often feel like you are just about to come on your period.
Congratulation and Good luck and everything crossed for a nice easy

PinkAvocado Wed 14-Feb-18 20:29:24

I find early pregnancy really stressful. Actually I find most of it stressful. As Holy said, if you’ve had a miscarriage or have been close to someone who has had a sad end to their pregnancy, you can’t be as relaxed as someone else who hasn’t. I found using pregnancy boards on here and a Facebook antenatal group really useful as it seemed we all shared similar symptoms. Congratulations

Amonk3ysButler Wed 14-Feb-18 20:29:47

I'm sorry your both struggling to find enjoyment with this pregnancy. Before I had my youngest (2yrs old now) I had a miscarriage and I remember feeling how you're feeling now when i got pregnant again. I had a scan at 6 weeks because I began spotting and struggled for ages to feel completely relaxed about my pregnancy to the point where I wouldn't even leave my house. I realise that this sounds even scarier but I will get to the point. Midwives are amazing people (when you have the right one for you) mine took every single nonsense worry I had and understood everything. The anxiety will ease, I'm not saying it will go completely but it will get better. Doing what you are doing now, talking to each other and being each other's support is the best thing you can do. By the sounds of it you are very aware of how your girlfriend is feeling and with that in mind along with your ability to face your own feelings I think you are both very strong people and your baby is going to be a very lucky child. Best of luck to you both! smile
Sorry for long winded reply

Lilymossflower Thu 15-Feb-18 00:15:02

It's totally normal for you both to be feeling this way. I was really paranoid in my pregnancy and I haven't even had a mc. Bless it must be so much worse for you guys

i consoled myself with knowing that after the first 3 months the risk of mc was much less, and by keeping track of his movements. I remember getting loads of weird twinges and things but obviously they weren't issues, just random and worrying.

Also just sort of blind trust that everything's fine. Breathe. Be in the moment. Image your baby growing safe and warm in her belly, how peaceful baby must feel all cosy in those warm waters, snuggled and sound. Let yourselves feel that peace around you also. know everything, in this moment is going just as it should be

86rob86 Thu 15-Feb-18 09:04:51

Thanks everyone found this very reassuring. I think as a reply says small goals my help I had only known a week when the mc happened last time so thats a big thing in my head. Aslong as we dont see any bleeding I'm going to try and remain calm and positive.

She tells breasts were really sore and firm last night but seems to have calmed down this morning. Dry mouth still persists along with achey hips. Already saying she cant sleep comfortably so god help her in the coming months

LisaSimpsonsbff Thu 15-Feb-18 09:10:59

I know it's so, so hard but try not to track her body constantly for signs of 'how it's going' - it isn't reliable and it drives you crazy. I had three miscarriages before this pregnancy and in the first few weeks of this one I was totally convinced that it was ending because of what I could or couldn't feel but I'm now 18 weeks so this one has got much further than any of the previous. Symptoms vary day by day, especially so early, and it puts constant strain on her to be trying to predict the future from how her breasts feel that morning.

86rob86 Thu 15-Feb-18 09:24:23

To be fair that is great advice every morning my first question is how are you hows this etc so yeah I will try and cut that out

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