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No family or close friends nearby

(12 Posts)
SpongeCake23 Wed 14-Feb-18 12:14:44

Hi all,

I'm very, very early days pregnant.
I'm already thinking about the future and baby coming (if I get that far, I dong want to jinx it!)

My parents live just over 200 miles away, his parents live 10 minutes away at the moment but they're soon moving 20-30 miles away, maybe further.

His auntie lives around 2 hours drive away. And his brother about the same. His sister lives about 200 miles as does my brother and my close friends (my hometown).

I'm scared I'll be all my own. The friends we do have here aren't baby friendly and don't have kids.
His best friend with three kids has moved to Scotland sad

I don't know how I'll cope without any support.

SpongeCake23 Wed 14-Feb-18 12:16:19

*don't not dong!

Chienrouge Wed 14-Feb-18 12:19:09

I had DD1 200 miles from my parents and 2000 miles from the IL’s. We’d just moved back to the UK from abroad and had no friends in the area at all.
NCT classes were a life saver for me. I met a really good group of people who I still see/speak to now (despite since having moved away again). It was tough some days, DH was out of the house for 12 hours a day and it was pretty relentless. We survived though!

Chienrouge Wed 14-Feb-18 12:19:56

Just seen your IL’s will be 20-30 miles away so that’s a bonus, that’s close enough for day trips etc.

noseypud Wed 14-Feb-18 12:20:08

Hi sorry you feel like this. I was in a similar situation to you my ds is now 8 months old. My life saver was going to baby groups. Just getting out the house and being around other people who have babies really helped. You will need people to talk to and can understand what you are going through. Hope everything works out for you, you will be fine. thanks

MotherofKitties Wed 14-Feb-18 12:22:38

Hi OP,

I was in a similar situation to you, no family nearby at all, no close friends with kids, and I won't lie, I was a bit scared and I still find it hard having no family nearby with my DD being 6 months old now, I wish I had family close by to rely on and help out occasionally, but our situation is what it is...

BUT, I can say local groups can be fantastic and give you much needed support and a network. Do get yourself to as many antenatal and NCT-style classes you can, you'll meet local mums to be and create a much needed support network.

I know the idea of going to such groups can be intimidating, but all those who attend will be looking to connect with other pregnant ladies too, so look on your local council website as well as NCT page to find out about antenatal and postnatal groups. I hope you find the support you need xx

Dinosauratemydaffodils Wed 14-Feb-18 12:24:08

Another one who found baby groups a life saver. Most (if not all) are also welcome you during pregnancy too. I help run one now and we have people coming on maternity leave to make friends/get to know people before the baby arrives. That might be a good option for you. If you are offered NHS ante-natal classes, take them. One of my closest mum friends who really helped me through post-natal depression was on mine.

BikeRunSki Wed 14-Feb-18 12:28:13

10 years ago I was in exactly your situation. Once dc arrived the following September I joined every baby group going - not for him, for me - swimming, singing, library, church hall playgroups, buggy walks and soon made a lot of acquaintances. Some became very good friends, 10 years on, still friends.

Amyxmarie Wed 14-Feb-18 12:28:22

Hi I'm in a slightly similar position. I must admit we are currently saving to move back to my home town because I'm quite miserable where I am. My partners family are close but they work a lot and I feel I have missed out a lot with my family sad

My advice is just to have a long think. I regret not thinking it through, I would of loved some more help from my mother and felt isolated very quickly.

Oysterbabe Wed 14-Feb-18 12:37:46

We don't have any family within a 2 hour drive. It's been fine. Do NCT for an instant group of mum friends.

Bluebirdsky Wed 14-Feb-18 12:39:04

I am in a very similar situation, I have joined a local pregnancy yoga class and I am doing NCT parent classes to meet some other local people who are pregnant and hopefully make some friends. Could you do something like this maybe?

mindutopia Wed 14-Feb-18 13:25:49

Look for ways to reach out and meet other new mums when you get closer to your due date. NCT for us was invaluable for this as well as just classes and groups. We don't have any family near us (mine live overseas and my dh's closest family are around 2 hours away, the rest as much as 6 hours drive from us, and we only see them a couple times a year). And while it's lovely to have friends, your normal friends aren't really the best source of support when you're home with a baby. They'll be busy and working and have very different needs. At 10am on a Tuesday when you really need to get out of the house and meet someone for coffee before you go mad, most friends will be at work. Meeting other mums who are off at the same time as you and going through the same things really is key. I did it through NCT as well as signing up for a class or two early on and then local meet ups/Facebook groups for mums.

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