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Coping with a baby

(13 Posts)
rhubarb86 Tue 13-Feb-18 23:09:10

Hi I'm not sure if what I am feeling is normal for 20 weeks pregnant. I am expecting our first baby which was a bit of surprise. It was certainly unexpected but we are both pleased now the news has sunk in. My partner is very supportive, helpful and kind. He is level headed, practical abs reassures me we will be ok. However, myfear is centred around our lack of immediate family support as my family do not drive and are about 40mins away in a car. my partners family are also about an hours drive away too. We both drive and I am usually very independent. However, I appreciate the value of support and I'm worrying about coping with a baby without anyone on the doorstep to help out. Am I worrying unnecessarily? I assume plenty of people get by without people close by.. anyone any thoughts/ words of reassurance.

Karigan1 Tue 13-Feb-18 23:13:49

You’ll be fine. So long as you two work together you’ll be ok. Family are good for the odd break but that’s still possible at that distance. Join a mum and baby group in your area for some friends at the same stage and local that you can bounce ideas off and they’ll help too.

butterybean Tue 13-Feb-18 23:31:13

You'll be fine, we have DPs v elderly parents 40 mins away but they dont help, my family are 200 miles away. DS is 14 weeks and so far no issues. I do take DS to my hometown to see my family for 5 days a month. Its nice as I get a break and DP stays home to get decent sleep/work/chill....

We have good mates that are local that help out with dog walking, babysitting if we need it etc but we haven't had to call on them much - if you work as a team and have realistic expectations life might actually be easier than in-laws dropping in all the time....

Justmuddlingalong Tue 13-Feb-18 23:35:14

It's the 'Oh Christ, what have we done/how will we manage?' fear. Perfectly normal and understandable.

DrWhy Tue 13-Feb-18 23:42:33

My nearest family are 6 hours drive away, we managed fine! We also ended up rather randomly becoming good friends with a neighbour who’s become a surrogate grandma and knowing she’s there to help us great, even though we try not to take advantage too much. You never know what friends you will make.

Scoobysue10 Wed 14-Feb-18 06:22:35

When I had my first 16yrs ago this yr.
Wehas moved to a new place and didn't know anyone.
Family are only half hrs drive away butI didn't know anyone where I lived. Grow and learn with your partner. This is a wonderful new adventure for you both.
Like the ladies say join local baby groups. Get out in the fresh air. I'm sure you will be fine.
I can remember having doubts and feeling scared about this little person relying on me for everything. I think all first time parents have that panic. But you will be OK.
Except help when offered and

Shmithecat Wed 14-Feb-18 06:26:20

I had my ds whilst we were living in KSA. No family, dh at work 5/6 days a week, no ability to drive etc. No baby groups. You'll be fine.

AnnaLuna Wed 14-Feb-18 07:51:41

You’ll be ok OP.
All of my family are over 4,000 miles away 🙈
We will manage flowers

IJustLostIt Wed 14-Feb-18 07:53:24

My family are over 5 hours away, and though DPs family are just 20 minutes away, they're hardly ever available.
MIL works away May-September and works FT the rest of the year, and SILs work FT.

We manage perfectly fine without help but in an emergency, they're always there for us when we really need it. When our oldest had to had emergency life saving surgery as a baby, MIL dropped everything, left her business in the hands of a friend and drove 7 hours to the hospital at 11pm. Same the other day when I had to take our youngest to A&E and I had to call her to ask her to have the oldest. She dropped everything and came over to babysit.

You might not see your family often, and you'll get used to not having them around when you're knackered and need a break. But, if they can, good families will always be there when you really need them.
Other than hospital trips, or things scheduled well in advance like weddings etc, we've not had babysitters on hand and we've been happy with that

NC1990 Wed 14-Feb-18 10:33:06

40 minutes away is really not that far, are public transport links decent? My parents live a good 40 mins from me and I see my mum at least twice a week usually. She comes here one day (she does drive but usually just takes the bus) and I go to her on another. It's nice to get out of my house and have a change of scenery (and DD actually sleeps in the car so I get a bit of peace). My SIL lives just round the corner and while she is really helpful, she has her own kids to look after so I see my mum a lot more.

Even with all the family support in the world, having a baby is always going to be terrifying and overwhelming. But we all cope, because we have to.

rhubarb86 Wed 14-Feb-18 10:52:59

Thanks for all the reassuring replies. You've made me feel better. 40 mins isn't far youre right. Public transport is non existent as we live in a tiny rural village so I'm hoping for a vagibal delivery and not a section. The Bus would take 2.5 hours with numerous changes which is crazy for such a short distance in the car!

pigshavecurlytails Wed 14-Feb-18 10:54:29

I was driving a week after my section. The six week stuff is an urban myth.

mindutopia Wed 14-Feb-18 11:36:31

You will be fine. My family live overseas so I have absolutely no one here. With our first my dh’s closest family were 1.5 hours away. This time closest family are between 2-6 hours away. We have always just depended on each other. We do have family who visit a few times a year and we usually have an evening out for dinner then which is nice. Otherwise we do everything ourselves or we rely on help we pay for (nursery or a babysitter). Your family is close enough though that you can easily visit them or go pick them up. If anything it’s a bit of a blessing to not have family who can just pop in all the time!

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