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Agree/disagreement on finding out sex of baby

(75 Posts)
Babybear1117 Sun 11-Feb-18 23:08:39

Hi everyone,
We have our 20 week scan this week and I have been pretty much adamant that we are finding out the sex. This is our first and I'm far too impatient to wait until the baby is here! (Plus I'm going to a crochet class next week and want to learn to make little hats etc in blue or pink so people can identify baby without the awkward questions)
Anyway my DP this whole time has been like I'd like a surprise but if you want to find out we will. Tonight he's aired his views and said he doesn't really want to find out and said 'is that really how you want to find out by some man or woman in a hospital room'
I've tried to make it a little better for him by saying we could get her to write it in an envelope and we'll read it 2 days later - our day off together.
He ideally wants to wait 16 days for his parents to get back from holiday and get our families together to do a little reveal. Don't get me wrong I'd be completely up for this if I didn't have to wait another 16 days!! I feel so impatient already! We had a scan at 7 and half weeks then our 12 week scan so this one seems a long time coming!
What are your opinions? Did you and your partner disagree and what did you decide on?
TIA grin

upthewolves Sun 11-Feb-18 23:11:43

I'm going to a crochet class next week and want to learn to make little hats etc in blue or pink so people can identify baby without the awkward questions

Awkward questions??

ObiJuanKenobi Sun 11-Feb-18 23:17:55

We both initially didn't want to find out but then when we discovered we were expecting twins we both decided that was enough of a surprise for one pregnancy and found out. I found it nice to be able to refer to them as he/ my boys...etc and thought it helped with bonding, I think DP always would have preferred not to know but he wasn't set either way!

I wouldn't worry too much about the pink vs blue strangers guessing sex thing though, as long as baby is safe healthy and warm it doesn't matter what strangers think/say - they'll still find a way to say something well meaning to you that'll come across rude grin

Babybear1117 Sun 11-Feb-18 23:18:50

Upthewolves
Sorry I mean the 'is it a boy or girl' question when the baby is in all neutral clothing! I don't know why but it just grates on me. I probably sound pretentious but I don't want my 'boy' called a 'girl' or visa versa x

FranticallyPeaceful Sun 11-Feb-18 23:18:54

Awkward questions? Boys like pink and girls like blue (and other combinations), it’s only if you tell them it’s one or the other they think that’s normal!

And if one does and one doesn’t then the sensible adult thing to do would be not do it

Babybear1117 Sun 11-Feb-18 23:25:03

Thanks Obi!
Wow twins definitely enough of a surprise like you say!
Yes the bonding thing worries me, I hate saying 'it' I'd be so much happier with he or she etc and I think it gives us more time to chose a name if that makes sense.
Hahaa I'm sure someone will say something amongst the nice things there's always one isn't there. Thankyou for sharing your experience smile

Babybear1117 Sun 11-Feb-18 23:28:50

Franticallypeaceful
I'm not against putting a girl in blue or either I just mean I think it's a bit awkward when people ask what sex your child is. It's just easier and saves peoples confusion if there are visible colours just while they're so young. I will most definitely not be bringing my child up with the pink/purple and blue/green type Sterotypes it's only for when out and about around people who don't already know smile

mehhh Sun 11-Feb-18 23:28:57

We didn't find out with ours now 7 months old

Neither wanted to right from the start although I was extremely tempted when it got to the 20 week scan but dp convinced me against it & I'm so glad he did! the surprise was amazing! It makes it feel longer at the start but the run up to baby being born is so exciting! Family friends etc got more excited too (even the midwives when in labour we're excited to find out!) and the feeling when the baby comes out and finding out what it is, there is no better feeling

Each to their own and I understand why people choose to know but If I have another I'll have another surprise... you could maybe get pink hat & blue hat or teddy or something to use if you didn't want people confused over the gender?! Once you get past the 20 week scan the impatience of not knowing fades and you get used to it

Either way it's so exciting! Xx

PinkAvocado Sun 11-Feb-18 23:29:26

When it comes to anything pregnancy related, my choices come first if there were to be a disagreement. I’m carrying the baby and if I want to know the sex, I’ll find out. It sounds harsh but obviously we would try to compromise first.

Many places won’t write down the sex.

PinkAvocado Sun 11-Feb-18 23:31:08

Also, it’s a surprise and exciting whether you find out at 20 or 40 weeks. Nothing beats holding your baby-that moment won’t be improved by not knowing or knowing the sex before so.

Kittypillar Sun 11-Feb-18 23:33:25

Trust me when I say, the time will go so much quicker than you think. Even though it feels like an eternity right now so I know that doesn't help much! DH and I spent some time discussing whether to find out the sex of our first baby, he really didn't want to know and I was tempted, but didn't care at all in actuality so we decided to keep it as a surprise. So far (I'm 27 weeks) I'm so SO glad I listened to him because now I can't imagine a better way than them arriving and being told as I meet them for the first time. We're actually planning on DH being the one who tells me when they are born. But of course everyone is different and it's totally up to you.

Oh and on a separate note, I second upthewolves comment above - awkward questions?! What exactly about it would be awkward? Personally I really hate the whole "pink for a girl and blue for a boy" thing anyway, social expectations of gender placed upon babies and kids etc etc, but that's a whole other thing...

Thelampshadelady Sun 11-Feb-18 23:40:47

I didn’t want to know, dh did but didn’t feel strongly about it.
We didn’t find out.
As it happens, we ended up with bigger things to worry about at our 20 week scan than the babies sex.

Babybear1117 Sun 11-Feb-18 23:41:18

Mehhh thanks! I'm now second guessing myself thinking do I want to know or not hahaa
I was so adamant.
Pink avocado thank you! I don't think knowing the sex will change the moment the baby is born. I can't imagine anything would change that! smile

Babybear1117 Sun 11-Feb-18 23:44:09

Kittypillar thanks! I think the next few weeks would go really slow but then like you say it will fly by and it won't be long before we know anyway! X

PinkAvocado Sun 11-Feb-18 23:44:12

I really cannot see how anything could make knowing you’ve got a healthy baby better. Certainly not the sex so I wouldn’t let that sway you either way.

Congratulations btw!

Babybear1117 Sun 11-Feb-18 23:45:46

Thelampshadelady
Thankyou I hope everything is ok! thanks

Babybear1117 Sun 11-Feb-18 23:49:11

Pink avocado
Exactly I'm going to really think about it the next few days. I just keep thinking once we know we can't un know. So as long as baby is healthy and doing well that's hands down all I care about.
Sometimes I wish it was years ago when we didn't have the option haha wink

sunshinestorm Sun 11-Feb-18 23:49:59

I know you may feel impatient now but honestly pregnancy flies by so quickly that that I would think carefully about how you want to remember the moment in years to come.
I was very impatient the first time and we found out at the anomaly scan. 2nd time round I knew how fast the birth comes around and we waited for a 'surprise' which honestly made the whole thing so much more special and exciting (obviously it would have been anyway but it just really made it even more so!)
If you can't wait until the birth (which is understandable as there are perks to knowing) then I would definitely get them to write it down and think of a fun, special way to find out.

PinkAvocado Sun 11-Feb-18 23:50:35

We have found out both times. It came down to not wanting to call them ‘it’.

YerAuntFanny Sun 11-Feb-18 23:54:58

We can't find out here unless we pay for a private scan which I did think about in my second pregnancy but I'm glad we didn't.

I loved that DH was the one to tell me whether we had a son or daughter although in all honesty I don't remember even asking because when they were born I just wanted to see/hear/hold the baby so it didn't matter to me in the slightest.

If you've any doubt whatsoever then don't find out as you can't forget it but you can find out later on and you'll definitely find out at some point 😁

ParkheadParadise Sun 11-Feb-18 23:55:56

With Dd1 you couldn't find out the sex.
With Dd2 I didn't find out I was pregnant till I was nearly 20 weeks. We were so shocked to see a baby we didn't think to ask the sex.
When Dd2 was born,DH told me it was a girl.

Babybear1117 Sun 11-Feb-18 23:57:51

Sunshinestorm
Thank you for sharing! Yes definitely I think as it's our first it will be an amazing experience either way, I did originally say we should find out but in the future if/when I would keep as a surprise. I want a few bits and I'm sick of buying everything white hahaa!
I think I will definitely ask if she will write it down even if we never open it hmm xx
Pink avocado
did you! I'm going to think long and hard and work this one out!
Trying to take DP views into consideration and not be the nasty pregnant lady that says 'well I'm growing the baby' hahahaa

PinkAvocado Sun 11-Feb-18 23:59:13

It’s not nasty! If you feel you want to know, it’s your body so find out. You could then try not to let it slip if he still didn’t want to know.

YerAuntFanny Mon 12-Feb-18 00:00:55

I never came mine It either, she/he was generally Peanut, bump, baby or Corey (long story).

As for worrying about people getting their gender wrong, I really wouldn't bother if you're not into gender stereotypical colours. My first was very obviously dressed as a standard boy, lots of blue/cars etc and he was still mistaken for a girl then my second came along and write a mix of stuff then because she had on pale blue polka leggings she was mistaken for a boy. Can't win!

Strangers don't matter and once you've informed/corrected people then it's their problem if they can't remember.

Babybear1117 Mon 12-Feb-18 00:02:34

YerAuntFanny
Thanks! Sometimes wish we couldn't find out here hahaa!
Yes definitely it's not something you can un know is it! I don't particularly want one or the other so it would be nice to know what we get just so we can stop saying 'it' x

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