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How/when do I tell him?

(11 Posts)
Ceran Fri 09-Feb-18 04:58:14

I’m really sorry, this has probably (most definitely) been asked a multitude of times before but how do I tell my partner we’re expecting.
We’ve only been together for 6 months, when we first started seeing each other he was anti kids. I remember on one occasion I was visiting his family and we were playing speak out and one of the phrases was “surprise I’m pregnant” he went white and almost yelled no.
But more recently (last month) he’s been saying he wouldn’t mind having kids with me in the distant future. Well it seems my body decided that the distant future is now, I’m pregnant shock.

I found out I’m pregnant on Wednesday, after I noticed my boobs were still massive and quite sore even though I had my period, so I looked at my period tracker expecting to find that my period was actually due in the next couple of days and I mixed up when my last period, but it turns out I didn’t have my period when I was supposed to (2weeks ago). My managers know because my work involves some really heavy manual labour and a colleague who is also pregnant knows but the person I really want to know is my partner. Problem is my partner currently works nights and will be working 8 consecutive nights and I don’t want this weighing on his mind whilst he is at work, after the 8 nights he has a week off so I was going to tell him then but it’s keeping me up at night and I want to tell him. So when do I tell him and how? My managers advised against sending him a message (my managers are all male so that helped kinda-getting the male perspective)

Cavender Fri 09-Feb-18 05:06:03

I don’t understand why the fact he is on nights means you can’t tell him.

It’s very odd to have told not only your boss but several colleagues before telling the baby’s Father.

I know you are scared but stop putting it off and tell him

Parenthood requires both of you to behave like grown ups. Tell him now.

And no, of course you can’t send him a message!! Is that how you would want to find out massive life altering news?

WS12 Fri 09-Feb-18 05:06:59

Tell him in person! And as soon as possible I'd say 😊 Congratulations xxxx

Ceran Fri 09-Feb-18 05:32:21

I’m overthinking but I can’t help but worry what if I tell him and he has an accident at work, that was probably completely unrelated with the fact that he’s distracted. Plus he’ll be working more consecutive shifts in a row than he has done before.

And yeah that’s what I thought earlier, I felt upset that I told my managers (2 managers) and my colleague (one, not several) and not him yet, it just doesn’t seem fair to me.

Mrstobe90 Fri 09-Feb-18 06:46:55

Tell him face to face and tell him now.

As it's his child too, imo he should've been the first to know before anyone else.

Darcychu Fri 09-Feb-18 15:34:43

with everyday that passes is just another day that your lying to him so i would get it done so he doesn't feel like hes been lied to etc,
He may be angry or upset about it but at the end of the day he should have been more careful then.

FirstMumToBe Fri 09-Feb-18 15:39:22

My OH was on holiday and although he mentioned about having kid's he thought he could potentially of passed it ... I decided not to tell him whilst he was away due to the fact he might of not come back.
Even when I went to tell him I couldn't do it so had to write it down hahaha!
Good luck and congratulations

Elmosmum Fri 09-Feb-18 16:40:34

Congratulations! thanks this is something you need to tell him straight away, he's an adult and he's not going to have any accidents at work because you've told him this news.
Why are you creeping about avoiding telling him? His reaction will tell you all you need to know about him as a father. Does he understand the biology of a woman's body and how you get pregnant or did your birth control method fail?

Ceran Sat 10-Feb-18 18:52:00

I told him a few hours after posting this and he just hugged me and told me he loves me.

I think I just feared he might have thought I cheated on him as I did go out a few times last month to celebrate the New Year. My ex would accuse me of the smallest of things after coming back from a night and I guess it just resonated into my current way of thinking, I dunno

ferntwist Sat 10-Feb-18 21:11:52

Aw congrats!! It sounds like he’s pleased? Enjoy your pregnancy. He’s privileged to be a father-to-be and I hope he appreciates you and baby.

Cavender Sun 11-Feb-18 14:17:52

I’m glad it went well.

It sounds like you are carrying a little bit of baggage from your ex which understandable.

However being open and honest is the foundation of a lasting relationship. Keeping secrets never ends well.

Best of luck with your pregnancy. flowers

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