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She called me an older mum!

(160 Posts)
Trulyscrumptious12 Fri 09-Feb-18 01:01:54

So I’ve been trying to get to sleep for the last 2 hours but something has really been bugging me. Me and dh went to our first antenatal class today, I was so excited and did enjoy it but while I was there these 2 girls kept staring at me, as we were leaving they asked me how old I was and I told them (I’m 28, dh is 30) they laughed and told me I’m well to old to be having my first baby and people would think I’m it’s granny when I pick them up from school. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me but it did, it’s all I’ve thought about all evening, yes I would have liked to have had kids earlier but I didn’t meet dh until I was 26 luckily we wanted the same things, we got married after 6 months and 6 months after that I got pregnant. So I guess what I’m asking is: what age do you think is a young mum? What age do you think is an old mum? How old were/are you when you’re having you babies?

HangingRoundInABofAlorsStance Fri 09-Feb-18 01:05:28

Ha! 43! 28 is nothing. You are still a baby ;-)

HirplesWithHaggis Fri 09-Feb-18 01:07:00

I had mine at 24 and 28. My friend was horrified to be called an "elderly primigravida" at 32. grin

Meanwhile, DS2 became a dad at 18, with a 19 yo dp. I do think that was a bit young, but they're brilliant (though now separated) parents.

tava63 Fri 09-Feb-18 01:08:25

32 - you will find that you are a 'younger' Mum

Shmithecat Fri 09-Feb-18 01:09:19

I was 40, dh was 46. Your antenatal classes sounds too young to be having babies. What a pathetic and immature attitude. And fucking rude too.

SleepingStandingUp Fri 09-Feb-18 01:10:11

How old were these other pregnant females? Are you in an area with low child bearing age? My kids at work were always confused that I hadn't got kids in my late 20's and would have them in my 30's, it was just so very old to them. I had my son at 33, a year younger then one of the kids,moms who was also pregnant but that was ok because it was her fourth and a suprise, not a planned first. Interesting logic

Upsidedownandinsideout Fri 09-Feb-18 01:17:16

The average age of UK first time mothers in 2015 was 28.6 - and it's going up every year. You are quite young! There's also plenty of evidence that older mothers on average have better outcomes, as their parents are often at a more stable time in career, finances, relationships etc.
I was 25 first time and got the opposite, some of my NCT group kept joking I was a teen mum, it got annoying. Some people like to make a point of how you are different from others, just feel smug that YOUR child will be brought up in an atmosphere of love and acceptance, and with 28 (short!) years of wisdom, and move on 😉

Messyone Fri 09-Feb-18 01:17:44

I was 31.Don't worry what other people think about your age. Also you are a younger mum smile

TheDonald Fri 09-Feb-18 01:19:19

I was 27 when I had dd. In the classes at our local clinic I was the oldest one there by 5 years and the only one with a job that offered maternity pay.

After she was born I went to a breastfeeding class four miles away and I was the youngest by 10 years and the only one without a husband or partner. Most of them also had nannies.

Mind you neither group was rude enough to point it out to me. I think you should find a new class flowers

MrsGB2225 Fri 09-Feb-18 01:35:24

You would be a very young mum where I live!

Trulyscrumptious12 Fri 09-Feb-18 01:38:12

Thanks ladies, one was 17 and the other 18. I think 25 around where I live is average but I’ve seen younger and older there is usually a mixture. It just really upset me (must be hormones - I actually cried) the thing is I look young for my age usually people guess 22/23 and I always get asked for ID wherever I go, I just don’t know why they picked on me everyone else at the class was around my age. My mum had me at 43 so I considered myself quite a young mum, she used to get comments about being too old to have me but she’s been the best mum so I’m not sure age really matters. Aghhh don’t know why it got to me so much. 😥

Trulyscrumptious12 Fri 09-Feb-18 01:40:37

I’m in Essex. MRSGB2225 where do you live if you don’t mind me asking?

MrsGB2225 Fri 09-Feb-18 01:42:32

South West London - I had my first at 29 and was the youngest in my NCT group by a long way!!

vwlphb Fri 09-Feb-18 01:43:18

This is why quite a lot of people think that teenagers are too immature to be having babies. hmm

JollyFuckers Fri 09-Feb-18 01:53:05

Some people are strange.

DH & I had the DC in our early 30's. Quite a few people expressed shock that we were having kids so young. They were really shocked grin
We live in Spain though and things are a bit different here (you generally don't have kids until you are in a good financial position, careers established etc). Late 30's/early 40's is more usual. It's a rare sight to see a young mum, and I honestly don't recall ever seeing a teenage mum, I'm sure there are some, it's just rarer.

halfwitpicker Fri 09-Feb-18 01:54:31

You're only 28? What a bizarre comment.

HappyLollipop Fri 09-Feb-18 02:00:25

I was 25 and by far the youngest in the NCT classes most of the other women were in their mid 30's and early 40's so I was very much the outsider of the class. How strange though 28 is pretty common, they must have been extremely young.

frozenlake Fri 09-Feb-18 02:07:01

I had my DC in early 30's and I was very average in my area, I know plenty of mum's a decade older.

DPotter Fri 09-Feb-18 02:13:57

When I trained an elderly primigravida was someone over 26 !
I was 39 when when I had DD so definitely past it !!

I think the 2 other mums were rude to you - not surprised you felt upset.
Just ignore them next time. Their rudeness says more about them than it does about you.

Faroutbrussel Fri 09-Feb-18 02:21:09

I was 40 when I has DS, I just dropped him off at school and was talking to one of the other mums who was 23 and I joked about be double her age. We chatted for over an hour, I'm not worried about either of our ages. I am a bit surprised they think you're too old, not their concern.

ASimpleLampoon Fri 09-Feb-18 02:28:29

35 for my first, 37 for my second. One of my best mummy friends had her first at 16 and second at 18. I'm the oldest mum in our group of friends, she's the youngest, we get on really well and have both faced discrimination and bitchy comments, proving that women are never right, whatever they do!

InToMyHeart Fri 09-Feb-18 02:32:08

28? I was expecting you to to say you were 60 or something! They sound like a couple of silly children playing at being grown up!

LuchiMangsho Fri 09-Feb-18 02:32:43

SW London as well. 30 for my first and 35 for my second and for BOTH I was one of the youngest in our peer group. My older one is 6 and I am one of the youngest mums by a good 5/6 years in his Y1 class!

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 09-Feb-18 02:33:00

What silly little girls they are.
I hope you are reassured!
FWIW I am definitely an "older mum" as I had mine at 40 and 45. DEFinitely old enough to be their gran, but oddly enough, no one (bar one moronic doctor who clearly couldn't think straight as I was going in for my post-birth check!!) has ever thought of me that way. IN fact, most of them are shock when they find out how old I am!! grin

highinthesky Fri 09-Feb-18 02:35:59

This is why quite a lot of people think that teenagers are too immature to be having babies
This with bells on. Fortunately they will grow up within the next six months, that’ll be a shocker for them shock

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