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Domestic Abuse- ending tenancy agreement early(11 Posts)
Hello, please help.
I am 19, I’m 13 weeks pregnant and 4 weeks ago me and my partner started renting a house together. We signed a 12 month tenancy agreement as joint tenants, since we’ve moved in my partner has been very abusive towards me emotionally and physically and it’s getting unbearable.
He keeps threatening on an almost daily basis that he’s going to move away to his parents (half way across the country) and not come back or pay any money towards the rent but I absolutely cannot afford to pay all the bills and rent on my own so obviously the thought of this is very distressing as I would be stuck paying the entirety of the rent aswell as all the bills whilst stuck in a house I don’t even want to be in anymore if he did do that and I simply don’t have the money.
This is incredibly stressful for me and I just don’t know what to do, I can’t be left paying £500 rent on my own for the next 12 months whilst he’s off living the high life getting away with paying squat and then when the baby does come my financial situation will be a complete mess and I’ll be all on my own.
I want to end the tenancy and move back to my parents until I can afford to live on my own but I don’t know how to go about this.
Please someone help, what can I do?
It’s the emotional abuse which is pushing me into a deep depression to the point where I’d rather sit in my car on my own all night once I’ve finished work than go home because I know as soon as I walk in the door the barrage of abuse will start. The main thing is that absolutely everything is my fault whether it’s him being late for work or even that the dog hasn’t got enough water or that the washing up hasn’t been done - because he shouldn’t have to do any housework that’s all my responsibility and if I don’t do it for whatever reason then he’ll call me loads of names and shout and scream. The neighbours have been round twice already to tell him to stop shouting at me and one time they even called the police because he was smashing my things up.
The police didn’t do anything to help me tho they simply took him to his friends house and told me to calm down.
The physical abuse - it doesn’t happen on a daily basis it is whenever ‘I have an episode’ as he says. He doesn’t hit me more than once at a time but it ranges from a smack round the head to a kick in the shin here and there which leave me with huge bruises.
I don’t want to stay with him. I want to leave. What I’m worried about is if he just ups and leaves without sorting out the tenancy or paying any of the money he will owe and I get left with it all.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you
Please contact your local domestic abuse charity and speak to your gp or midwife too. The charity will be able to advise you as to how to go about ending your tenancy and getting out of your relationship safely. Your gp or midwife will be able to support you and get you in contact with other local support services too.
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately it is common for domestic abuse to begin or increase when a woman is pregnant. You sound clear that you don't want to tolerate this anymore, but seem reluctant just to leave - how do you feel about that, just leaving for your parents and leaving him a note to tell him it's over? Do you feel that the risks to you would be increased if you did that, would he come after you do you think? You will be the best predictor of what he's likely to do.
Have you been in touch with women's aid? They are so helpful and will work with you to make a safe plan of how/ when to leave and may be able to provide practical support in doing this.
Also shelter can give you advice about the tenancy. Google both shelter and women's aid in your area. Also I would say explaining honestly to your landlord what is happening in whatever detail you are comfortable, they may agree voluntarily to release you from the contract.
Do your parents know about the abusive behaviour? Do you feel you can tell them? If you can, tell them and they can support you. Report any abusive behaviour to police including phone harassment and controlling behaviour.
I'm not sure if any of these things will be ideas you haven't tried or thought of already, but I hope you can be out of the situation safely very soon, for your own and little one's sake.
Hi OP, might be worth a post in Legal on the technicalities of ending the tenancy early and in Relationships for support in dealing with the abuse.
Thete are some very helpful, knowledgeable and friendly posters in both sections.
Along with all the rest of the advice above, speak to your landlord. Most are very understanding and mine was very supportive when I was escaping an abusive relationship. Smellyjo’s advice is spot on! The police also work alongside IDVA’s in areas too (independent domestic violence advocate) I had one and they are very skilled and helpful. They are there when you need them, can help with any court applications regarding your child when born, take you to see a solicitor, help you with housing applications and help you to apply to charities that support dv victims with furnishing a new home. Please don’t suffer, there is help out there. Keep on reporting the abuse to the police, try to stay calm when they arrive and explain to them what is happening. I know it’s hard when you are upset, I have been there myself, but it’s the best way. Better still go to the police station and tell them that you need help escaping this relationship. Have your parents there when you speak to them if it helps you. Also keep in mind that he is legally obligated to help with the financial cost of bringing up your son once he is born. Don’t suffer, wish I could give you a cuddle x
Thank you so much for all your help I’ve not been able to speak to anyone about any of this so it’s such a relief to finally get some advice. I can’t believe so many people replied so quick aswell thank you so much
If you were my DD I'd want you home asap. Get away from him before he hurts you again. Don't tell him, just leave. Your safety is more important than the tenancy, which can be sorted after. Call womensaid
I honestly think you should pack a bag now and leave. It's only going to escalate, and he won't change. I'm sure your parents would rather have you home and safe with them. Once you're in a safe place, you can start calling the landlord and sorting out the legal side. I am sure you can negotiate something with them.
In the event he does leave, try not to worry. You will manage. There are options such as housing benefit for people on low income. He'd probably be doing you a favour by the sound of it.
Have you reported the bruises/hitting to the police? take photos, as it's evidence.
I was recently in hospital and the bay next to me I overheard a lady who was pregnant and been hit by her partner, police took it very seriously and gave her loads of advice what to do, as she could not go home to him.
SO do seek help immediately, don't wait until he harms you again- it's not good for you or the baby and you need to protect it as well!
Couldn't read and run. I completely agree with dingdong. You should leave now and get back to your parents. You seem aware this behaviour is not ok and it will only get worse, especially when the baby arrives. It sounds like you would be much, much better without him. Once you are safe you can contact the police (best make official in case he continues to bother you) and then you can sort out the tenency. Lots of charities etc that will help you. Losing a deposit is certainly not worth you or your baby being harmed! Really feel for you and hope you get your situation sorted. Please listen to the advice on here xx
Ps just re-read smellyjo and the advice sounds very sensible to about getting an 'escape plan' in place first with help of agencies. My knee jerk reaction was just you out as quickly as possible! Also, my sister broke up with a bf who was violent towards her on holiday. The police were brilliant and came to her flat with her to oversee him removing all his stuff and made him hand over his key etc. Lots of protection out there if you seek it out x
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