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Help when pregnant

(19 Posts)
fia101 Tue 06-Feb-18 09:57:06

Just wondering whether you ask for help carrying boxes or suitcases and accept offers of seats in buses and trains when pregnant?

I'm not assertive enough to ask for help - carried a suitcase of books down a flight of stairs late last night (after late work meeting finishing at 10pm) whilst male colleagues just watched.

It was snowing, I felt ill and I wanted to get home so I just got on with it. At 7 months pregnant I'm not sure I should've carried it.

Anyways I know I'm pregnant not I'll and it was my choice.

BishBoshBashBop Tue 06-Feb-18 10:00:21

You need to ask.

People aren't mind readers and whilst you would like people to help you I have seen people being snapped at for offering to help.

ReggaetonLente Tue 06-Feb-18 10:01:55

I accept help, and am glad to be offered it, but I’ve noticed it’s almost exclusively been from other women. I suppose because they’ve been there and know how I’m feeling?

I’m shocked you had to haul books around at 7 months, but if you feel okay then I wouldn’t worry you’ve harmed the baby, if that’s what you’re thinking. My grandma worked on the docks hauling stuff off ships til she was 8.5 months with all 5 of hers.

QueenAravisOfArchenland Tue 06-Feb-18 10:06:34

I sit if I feel like I need a seat and someone offers and I'm still lifting stuff that I would have lifted before. If I think something is too heavy or bulky, I ask though. It drove me stone crackers when people would panic if I lifted anything heavier than a coffee mug. I'm still lifting weights and my toddler FFS.

Just say "hey, that's too heavy for me, can someone else get it please"/"hi, I really need a seat". It's rude for people in the priority seats not to offer a pregnant woman one, but people aren't mindreaders and women's needs differ a lot. I am often more comfortable standing.

InappropriateUsername Tue 06-Feb-18 10:08:06

I wouldn’t ask for seat on train/bus unless more than a few stops but to be honest someone has always offered. I definitely would ask for help carrying things. I have to lug my heavy 16 month old (who isn’t walking yet) around but if anyone else is with me I ask them to carry/move her. My back is in bits even when I am standing/walking/lying down from carrying her and in the last couple of weeks (34 weeks now) it has been getting harder so I am avoiding lifting and bending as much as I can.

Ekphrasis Tue 06-Feb-18 13:08:38

My work risk assessment has been quite strict about carrying things l.

Callamia Tue 06-Feb-18 13:34:39

I think it’s up to you. I wouldn’t have carried a suitcase full of heavy boots if I could have given it to someone else, but I did help shift furniture around, because how else were we going to get the house re-organised?

I was lucky to have very few physical issues in pregnancy, so standing for a couple of stops on the bus was usually fine. I did find that people often offered up their seats though. And it usually makes people feel good about themselves when you graciously accept ;)

awankstainonhumanity Tue 06-Feb-18 14:23:18

I ask for help/ a seat when needed. But not if I don't need it. I was dismatling a kitchen and redevloping my house though at 7 months pregnant! If I'd felt ill/ unwell I wouldn't have done it though. It's good to remain fit and active.

Girlwiththearabstrap Tue 06-Feb-18 15:42:04

I would ask if I needed help or a seat but I'm quite lucky that I feel well and like being active, and I just don't think carrying boxes or lifting the odd thing harms a baby. I'm still lifting weights and a toddler fairly regularly!

I'm just starting to show enough that I get offered a seat on the bus and I'll generally take it whether I need it or not just to show that I appreciate the offer. I think often people dont offer because they dont want to be patronising.

Addy2 Tue 06-Feb-18 20:51:22

I accept when offered if needed. Mostly though, people just stick headphones in and studiously ignore standing passengers, so it's only been offered twice thus far.

fia101 Tue 06-Feb-18 20:57:13

Guess just disappointed about manners. I'm not a diva but when I see a heavily pregnant woman or a woman on her own with a buggy getting on a train or upstairs I offer to help - just manners.

KimmySchmidt1 Tue 06-Feb-18 20:57:42

Ask for help - people are generally fairly bovine and happy to be directed.

I have a baby on board badge for the tube but sometimes you have to ask anyway.

Ekphrasis Tue 06-Feb-18 22:04:31

I think some women feel up to it. I felt much more capable in my first pregnancy. This one I'm struggling.

I do agree regarding manners. I feel your colleagues could have intervened which is why I mentioned the risk assessment; mine is quite clear about these things.

Diana2018 Wed 07-Feb-18 07:34:20

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BishBoshBashBop Wed 07-Feb-18 08:03:19

Nice patronising post there Diana2018 hmm

mamahanji Wed 07-Feb-18 08:16:46

Diana2018 is posting weird shit all over any post to do with children. But according to her own post, she has no children nor ever been pregnant but is handing out some very strange and mostly untrue advice in a patronising and creepy way like some sort of expert...

QueenAravisOfArchenland Wed 07-Feb-18 09:01:16

I feel your colleagues could have intervened which is why I mentioned the risk assessment; mine is quite clear about these things.

But how would they even know what's in the risk assessment? The only people who know what's in mine are me, my boss and HR. And it doesn't set a max weight for lifting or anything, it's down to me to judge and follow. I doubt OPs colleagues were just sitting around saying "who cares if OP is pregnant, she can lift it fine", they were just busy on other things and didn't think about it.

Girlwiththearabstrap Wed 07-Feb-18 11:36:52

I haven't had a risk assessment done but the only reason it says be careful of lifting etc is so work doesnt get into trouble! It's not like youre going to damage the baby or get into trouble at work for lifting the odd box.

That being said op, I am quite surprised that no-one offered to help an obviously pregnant women - not because you're incapable but because it is generally the done thing. And I can see why youd feel a bit fed up at the end of a long day. Dont feel bad about asking for help though. No-one will mind if you say something is too heavy and could they help out!

fia101 Thu 08-Feb-18 08:47:40

Thanks all - you're right I should ask.

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