I'm 40+4 and my piece of crap body is refusing to go into labour. I've had two failed sweeps, between which I've forced myself to go on agonisingly painful long walks and have agonisingly painful sex which has done absolutely nothing to induce labour. I've wasted nine months trailing all the way to a distant hospital because I wanted a water birth in their brand new midwife centre, but if I go much further overdue I'm going to be denied that and forced onto the shitty NHS obstetric ward.
The hospital wants to induce at 41 weeks and I've refused because I don't want to be drugged up and have a painful unnatural labour with a high risk of further interventions and subsequent difficulties with breastfeeding or post-natal depression. Now they're telling me if I don't consent to induction my baby will probably die because of being overdue. Nobody is supportive of my decision to refuse induction.
I feel like a failure because I'm not even capable of having a baby. Not only has my piece of shit body become bigger than everyone else's and covered in stretchmarks, I'm also incapable of giving birth. At every midwife appointment I'm sitting next to these tiny women with barely any bump and no stretch marks, and I hate them because the bitches will probably go into early natural labour too. The only thing I hate more than them is myself. I'm terrified of my baby dying but I still refuse to be induced. I just want to go into labour naturally and have my water birth in the midwife centre as planned. I literally can't stop crying.
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Pregnancy
Not going into labour and hysterical
85 replies
Agapanthus1984 · 30/01/2018 10:23
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