Advanced search

Pregnant? See how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy with the Mumsnet Pregnancy Calendar.

Can't stand other people's children

(38 Posts)
DLB22 Tue 23-Jan-18 06:52:56

I am 11wks with my first. I have never been the maternal type but always wanted to have children. The thing is I really can't stand other people's children. I am awkward around them and don't know what to do or how to act. I have never had anyone really close to me with a young family so I don't have much experience. I know it will be different with my own and I feel like I love it already but still have nagging doubts that I will be an awful and loveless mother.

ClareB83 Tue 23-Jan-18 06:54:22

No you'll be fine. Other people's kids do suck.

SuperBeagle Tue 23-Jan-18 06:56:08

I have no affection for other peoples' children (understatement). I'm not even fussed about the ones within my own family. But there is no limit to the love I have for my children.

IJoinedJustToPostThis Tue 23-Jan-18 06:56:53

^^ what Clare said.

StewPots Tue 23-Jan-18 06:56:59

I'm like this OP, and I have two of my own now.

I didn't have any younger siblings/cousins or friends so I think that does shape how you interact with other people's kids. You will be fine smile

Chrisinthemorning Tue 23-Jan-18 06:57:19

You’ll like your own. In fact you will think every little thing they do is miraculous to start off with.
Only downside is that they have to have friends so you do spend more time with children generally than you did before which isn’t ideal grin

LML83 Tue 23-Jan-18 07:00:28

I was nervous/rubbish around babies. I spend more time holding my baby in the first 24 hours than all the time I spent holding babies on my life added together.

You get to know your baby so well, so quickly you won't feel awkward. You will probably havs the normal amount of concern things are going well but not awkward or as in my case nervous.

Mol1628 Tue 23-Jan-18 07:00:29

I struggle with this because I am around a lot of other people’s children now since having my own. I just have to tolerate it. I’m not a natural with children at all but I’m fine with my own.

buddahbelly Tue 23-Jan-18 07:01:51

Ill be honest, when my ds (5) has a friend around, I hide in the kitchen pretending to be cooking the tea when actually im stood with a cuppa on my phone, anything other than sitting with them.

It is official other peoples kids do suck. yours will be little angels though and will be able t do no wrong grin

CircleofWillis Tue 23-Jan-18 07:04:51

What Chris said.

All your endorphins should kick in even before baby is born. If you can bear it try giving your baby a womb name so that you can talk to him/her using that name instead of ‘it’. Eg, bean, muffin etc. It will help you to bond prior to your baby’s arrival. Keep scan pictures around as well to help visualise the baby on arrival.

We were given all of this advise before the very early arrival of our baby who was bound for an incubator for several months. It did really help with the bonding and with milk production for such an early birth.

You are going to be a fab mother. All of this worrying before ‘muffin’ is even born shows just how good you are going to be grin.

QueenAravisOfArchenland Tue 23-Jan-18 07:10:24

I'm a whizz with under 5s now because mine are small, but still fairly awkward with bigger kids. I'd also hardly even held a baby before I gave birth. It worked out fine.

LardLizard Tue 23-Jan-18 07:41:56

What’s that saying hell s other people’s children 😂

You will be fine
Even picking up your own baby is so so different from gliding someone else’s

Bellamuerte Tue 23-Jan-18 07:48:05

39 weeks with my first. I've never met a child I liked. My own nephew makes me feel revulsion and my friends' kids are little monsters. They're constantly sticky and annoying. Everyone swears your own child is different but I'm still worried. However I do talk to my baby and pat him when he kicks. I feel sort of a bond with him and I know he'll be a lot like me and DH. Plus I'm in charge of him so there won't be any of the naughty behaviour I see from other people's kids! Crossing my fingers and hoping all will be well.

Sharonthetotallyinsane Tue 23-Jan-18 07:54:45

I’m a former teacher and I avoid children! Don’t worry about it, you like your own.

DuruttiColumnist Tue 23-Jan-18 08:14:34

bella I'm afraid there will be naughty behaviour gringringrin

hannknitted Tue 23-Jan-18 09:24:10

I'm 13 wks with my first and very excited - but I feel exactly the same way.

I've had little to no contact with babies previously so have no idea what I'm doing, and have never had any interest in other people's children and generally dislike them. This includes the children in my own family - there's a 9 year gap between me and my brother so I was old enough to 'be excited' and help out etc. when he was born and I wasn't even interested then! I'm close to him now that he's older, but I wasn't fussed about getting involved when he was a baby which sounds terrible!

As with everyone else, I'm just carrying on in good faith that when my own baby is born I will love them dearly and it will be very different to interacting with anyone else's children!

I do get a feeling of dread when I think about having to deal with my child having friends / play dates and birthday parties / playground politics etc. but I'm just hoping I'll be more adjusted by the time those things come around! My own mum isn't very 'mumsy' and when I was younger she would never let me have big birthday parties, was selective about letting me have friends over, have sleepovers etc. and I hated it so I don't want to come across like that, but now that I'm adult I can totally see where she was coming from! grin

ApacheEchidna Tue 23-Jan-18 09:44:00

Absolutely other people's kids do suck.
Your own child will be amazing and brilliant and lovely but you will occasionally want slightly more non-child-centred time than your child has awake-time. At times like these other people's children are useful because they can play with each other while you have a cuppa.

Mol1628 Tue 23-Jan-18 10:09:22

Bella how do you know he will be a lot like you and your OH?! I had similar ideas when I was pregnant. My son wouldn’t have meltdowns in shops because he wanted sweets, he wouldn’t be a fussy eater... didn’t work out as such! Also neither of our children are like us, they’re all individuals. Sure they might share some characteristics but they are their own people. Love them to bits though of course.

DriggleDraggle Tue 23-Jan-18 10:10:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Luxembourgmama Tue 23-Jan-18 10:11:27

I was exactly the same. I still don't like other peoples kids but I adore my kid.

Choccyhobnob Tue 23-Jan-18 10:59:43

I always avoided other people's kids! Since I've had my own I absolutely gravitate towards them - but only if they are the same age or younger than my DS. Any older than 2 and they are alien to me as I don't know what to do with them!

DLB22 Tue 23-Jan-18 11:07:24

Thanks everyone. Glad to know I am not alone! Everyone keeps saying I should 'practice' with their children. I don't want to. I want to do it my way with my baby and learn that way. Also so much pressure now people are finding out I am pregnant and I feel like I'm being judged around other children and my lack of maternal instincts is highlighted.

TwitterQueen1 Tue 23-Jan-18 11:09:55

OP do not worry. You are not alone, as everyone else has said on here. I am exceedingly bored by everyone else's children - including by siblings'. I don't get why I'm expected to be fascinated by the fact that my friend's son needed sun tan cream on his ears .... and to have to listen to a whole monologue on this.

Likewise with girls nights out. I have been known to suggest that everyone stops talking about children and move on to something else instead....

Frillyhorseyknickers Tue 23-Jan-18 11:12:42

My friends did that with me too - practice changing nappies, fuck off with your baby and his stinky bum.

Mine is 17 weeks now and I would nuke the universe to protect him, he’s so awesome. I was not maternal at all and now I’m walking round with my Earth mother sling on, going to baby groups and getting my boobs out in cafes full of old ladies. 😬

babyboots Tue 23-Jan-18 11:14:51

Don't you for one second 'practice' with other people's children!!! Enjoy your child free time now! I could have written this 7 years ago...and I'm certainly maternal now. To my two. Their friends are grating haha.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: