who can help us?

[user1489844432]

Hello there

I was wondering if there is any service/organisation we could ask for help in first few weeks after giving the birth. My partner is recovering after emergency C-section, cant look after herself not to mention the baby but they are going to discharge her in couple days time. The baby doesnt feed neither breastfeeding nor formula. The midwife managed to feed him only once.

We are completely overwhelmed and have no-one to ask for help, so was wondering what our options are. I am aware we will need to pay but I dont care about the money at this stage.

I slept maybe 12hrs in total since Saturday mainly on hospital chair, so I would be very grateful for some specific answers rather than telling me to use google.


Thank you

[INeedNewShoes]

The hospital won't discharge baby if they're not feeding properly.

Once baby is home they should be visited by a midwife the next day who will check baby and answer any questions. After a week or so, you should be assigned a health visitor who will make appointments to see you.

[SleepFreeZone]

Are you maybe thinking of a maternity nurse?

[Chaosofcalm]

As above baby won’t be discharged until they are feeding properly. If for any reason you feel unhappy with arrangement as for the matron of midwives.

As for a physio to come and show your wife how to get out of bed. For the first few days she will need your help. Her mobility will improve quickly but she will need help at home. Make sure you have baby changing tables and things in easy reach.


Are you going to be off for 2 weeks? I was ill with complications so my DH took an additional two weeks off as holiday.

If you want to pay for are for help look after baby at home then you need a maternity nanny.

[Chaosofcalm]

How old is the baby? If the baby is not feeding has it been seen by a doctor?

[GoodMorningSunshine]

A baby not feeding shouldn't be discharged.

Check out homestart and see if it's in your area?

www.home-start.org.uk/find-your-nearest-home-start

I have a few friends who volunteer and it is a lovely service. Failing that you may need to look at a maternity nurse, or even a nanny? But these will cost you.

Congratulations by the way. Be kind to yourselves, those early days/weeks can be tough.

[CrumblyOatcakes]

My friend used a night maternity nurse or nanny - sorry I can't recall well as it was two years ago.
In addition, can you take some extra weeks off -paid or unpaid.
Also as pp said hospital wont' discharge if baby isn't feeding.
Congratualtions on your new bundle

[user1489844432]

Many thanks for all prompt answers. I took 2wks paternity leave but it looks like first week will be entirely spend in the hospital so I am left with one week only to support my partner which concerns me a lot. I will check for maternity nanny. You guys were very helpful. Thank yoi

[coffeeforone]

How old is the baby? As others said if baby is not feeding they won't discharge.

I think it you want to pay someone to help when you get home then maybe talk to the midwifes on the ward - they might be able to recommend someone in your area like maternity nurse/maternity nanny agency.

[coffeeforone]

Also, could you take holiday or unpaid time off to extend your leave? A guy at my work who is on paternity leave (due back Monday) called yesterday and said there is no way he can come back yet, his recovering wife won't let him (not his first but its twins and has hit them like a ton of bricks!). He is taking another two weeks emergency unpaid leave.

[Chaosofcalm]

My DD was 11 days when we were discharged for the second time.
He took 2 weeks holiday after that and that was enough time. Can you take some holiday or unpaid leave?

[Pugsleypugs]

Do you have anyone nearby, friends or family, who can pop in in shifts to help?

Congratulations on the birth of your little one, by the way, and I hope your partner recovers well.

[Ohyesiam]

How can the health care professionals discharge a baby who will not feed?
I would be querying this asap.

[user1489844432]

Unfortunately we dont have anyone who can support us. All friends and family are in our home country.

We raised problems with feeding multiple times but still got confirmation she will be discharged after the weekend.

[LadyRenoir]

We are in the same boat- not a C section, but the rest was the same, baby was not feeding and we spent 8 days in hospital waiting for it to feed from the bottle enough.

Also have no one around, and dreading when my partner goes back to work, as will be on my own all days and most nights when he sleeps :(
I was looking into booking a nanny, but these are expensive and I can't afford anything more than a few days a month.

[numbereightyone]

You should go home and try to get some sleep. Don't worry about leaving your dw and baby. They will be fine in hospital until they are ready to leave. I know it all feels overwhelming but you will all be absolutely fine.

[Nousernameforme]

Monday is a long time away in terms of a newborn any problems feeding might be sorted by then.
As for them discharging you whether baby is feeding or not they won't regardless of what they say now.
How old is baby they can be a bit sluggish in feeding to start

[user1489844432]

I will speak to work about unpaid leave but they are pretty inflexible when it comes to things like this.

Its not like I can afford maternity nurse myself. This would be paid by credit card and then I need to figure out how to repay.

I fully appreciate there are hundreds going through much worse experience and I am very grateful for healthy baby and dw but things feel very different with no support network and you being the only one who can support the family.

[coffeeforone]

Monday seems ages away to them. They will just be assuming that baby will be feeding by Monday and just letting you ‘get on with it’. But trust me, when discharge time comes they will want to see the feeding.

I remember when I was struggling with feeding I just called for a midwife every time I wanted to feed and say I need help. Sometimes they would help latch DS, sometimes show me how. Sometimes it worked, sometimes he wouldn’t feed so I’d just call them again in an hour or so. A few times they helped me express some colostrum into a syringe and transfer it to DS - have they offered that? It’s their job to help you establish feeding and to work out if there are any issues that are obstructing it. Be firm and demand the support.

[coffeeforone]

Congratulations on your arrival btw.

I think because the hospital staff see these issues day in day out they become a bit immune to the various wide-ranging struggles and emotions of new parents because it’s all so normal for them.

I would say that it’s normal to feel completely overwhelmed, and when people say it gets easier, trust me they truly mean it! The first 2-3 weeks are a killer but it gets better after that!