Today I decide how my baby will be born

[AutumnLeavesandCandleLights]

I've posted on here a few times over the last few months about my on going headache with choosing between a VBAC and Elective C Section.

Well, today is the day that I have my final Consultant appointment in which I'm supposed to have come to a decision regarding which route to take.


I've gone back and forth SO many times between a VBAC and Elective. When I first discovered I was pregnant, VBAC was the only birthing option I wanted to take. After a few months of cooking this bub, fear, anxiety and worry crept in and I'd started settling more towards a c section.

The last few weeks, I've been so set on the idea that we're having another section that I've been telling family members to expect to be given a date soon.

But now that the day is here for me to give my final word, I feel like I'm right back to square one again.

Logically, it's better for me to have an elective. Our first child turned one only a few days ago and I'm due in 3 weeks. I didn't dilate at all last time around after almost three days in labour with copious amount of inducing interventions. I've never had a vaginal birth. All of these things suggest my chance of success with a VBAC is significantly lower than the projected 70% that we're all told.
I'm also beyond terrified of rupturing and just know that should I try and labour naturally, rupturing is all I'll be thinking about and I'll be so completely consumed by the fear that that'll probably slow my labour and result in me needing medical intervention again.

I know a c section is the right option for me and I don't want to 'try' labour again only for it to result in another emergency c section, as last time I felt like the biggest failure for months which brought on PND.

But I still can't shake the feeling I'm going to regret my choice.

Not sure what responses I'm looking for here, if anyone's been in this situation or something similar and can tell me these feelings are normal, I guess that would be good.

I'm just scared and feeling a little deflated. I always thought being able to choose how this baby was born would be great, but honestly, I'd much rather have a medical professional tell me how to give birth and not ultimately leave the decision with me.

[Twofishfingers]

I have read your post three times, just to be sure. I think you know in your heart what the answer to your question is.

I was in a similar position to you, and chose to have a v bac but made it very clear that if things did not progress well I would like to be moved on to a c section quickly. I was in labour for just 10 hours instead of the 36 hours with DS1, and also I recovered so much quicker, there was no sadness attached to my decision as I was very clear in my head that even if I'd choose a vbac, the chances of having an emergency c section would be very high. I had a planned section for DS3.

In your shoes, I would go for a planned section. They are much calmer than emergency sections, everything is less rushed, there is a sense of confidence and security, maybe more predictability which is hugely reassuring.

However, I never felt, even with DS1, any sense of failure. I did my absolute best to try and deliver him naturally and sometimes things don't go that way. I was very grateful that the staff looked after me and proposed a section which saved his life, and possibly my life too. I was never ever disappointed about that.

[AutumnLeavesandCandleLights]

I'm quite certain, bordering on fully adamant that I want another section, but there's something inside me that's stopping me from being an absolute 100%.

I felt like a failure last time because, possibly naively, I never thought I'd end up being one of those women that needed an emergency c section. I felt like my body had failed me - the one thing a woman's body is supposed to do and mine just couldn't do it, I thought I'd failed my baby and I was sad that I'd failed my partner and felt bad that he didn't get to see, experience and be a part of a natural delivery. It was like I'd robbed all three of us something amazing.

Experiencing a normal delivery was important to me, so when I didn't get to have that I was so upset.
I'm worried now that if I choose an elective I'll never forgive myself for not attempting a VBAC, but, I also very strongly do not want a failed VBAC attempt. As well as this, I'm not sure I should try a VBAC when I'm not prepared to take on the risks associated with them.

Ahhh, I hate being an over thinker.

[elmo1980]

I have to make a similar decision in a few weeks but my current thinking is opt for the vbac (I want to know how it feels to go into labour naturally I was unnecessarily induced with ds1) and have been assured that if at any point I want a section I can ask.

I'm not sure how true that is it's just what the midwife told me but I just think this is my last chance of trying for a natural labour even though I'm also terrified! Would be interested to hear what you decide good luck.

[SoupDragon]

I'm also beyond terrified of rupturing and just know that should I try and labour naturally, rupturing is all I'll be thinking about

To me, this says "have a c-section". You shouldn't spend labour worrying about rupturing, you should be focussing on your baby.

[AutumnLeavesandCandleLights]

I just wish there was at least one route that had zero risks. If I choose a c section and our little one is born with breathing problems as a result - it'll be my fault because I could have chosen a VBAC and avoided that risk.
If I choose a VBAC and rupture or baby becomes distressed for whatever reason, again it's on me because I could have opted for the calm, controlled elective section.

I just want to feel happy and confident in either decision and I'm struggling to feel positive about both outcomes. I know bottom line, the only thing that matters is that my baby is delivered safely, but if I choose a particular birthing route and he isn't born safely, how could I ever live with the fact that I made that decision!?

[Dustywillow]

I’m in the same position I have to make my final decision by February and I just don’t know. I would like vbac as I found the recovery from my previous emergency section horrific. But like you I never went into labour naturally and had to be induced at 42weeks. So that all goes against having a vbac . My thinking just now is I book a section for around my due date in the hope I go naturally then if not atleast I have an end date. I’ve made it clear I’m not going over due as my ds was such a big baby

End of the day as long as you and baby are healthy that’s all that matters xx

[AutumnLeavesandCandleLights]

I did go in to labour naturally just 'failed to progress'. My waters burst completely out of the blue at 39+2, had mild contractions at home for almost 2 days afterwards then had to go in to be induced due my waters being gone. 15 hours on the drip and several pessaries later, I was still only 2-3cms so that doesn't fill me with much hope that this time around my cervix will do it's job on its own without any intervention at all.

Hopefully a chat with the Consultant will help me feel more positive about whichever route I decide to go with x

[tittysprinkles]

My experience if it helps - first baby born by emcs due to failure to progress. With second I requested elcs which was booked in for 40+5 due to lack of theatre slots. I went into labour at 38.5 weeks and decided to try for a vbac. I did eventually have a vaginal birth but it was a difficult labour, DD 2 was back to back so I had to be induced. Only at the very end was it realised she was a brow presentation but luckily a very experienced consultant managed to manipulate her into a good position in a James Heriot style manoeuvre and she was delivered via ventouse.

The recovery post delivery was easier than an emcs and I am glad to have had a vbac but my decision to request an elcs was the right one and I was unlucky that it was booked for such a silly date (after my due date). It was only by good fortune that I didn't end up with another emcs and that my DD was delivered safely in the end. I am a medic myself so I can understand the precariousness of the situation I ended up in and the potential outcomes in terms of risk to me and the baby.

Thankfully there was a happy outcome for me but if your gut says the elcs is the safer option, then you should listen to that voice.

[reallyorange]

op I'm in a similar boat, appointment this week to decide. Although my first was natural birth with some injury to me. I went through the same thought processes but think im sticking with elcs. however I wanted to do some more reading around it but literally haven't had time but don't want to feel rushed!

[AutumnLeavesandCandleLights]

So I decided on an elective c section after crying in the consultants room - feel like a bit of an idiot now but should've realised I'd get emotional given this really hasn't been an easy decision for me and has kept me awake more nights than my 12 month old has 😩

I asked what my personal chance of success would be if I went for a VBAC, and the consultant agreed that my chance is admittedly lower than the 70% statistic rate though couldn't give me an actual figure.

If I go in to labour before my c section date, I've agreed to trial a very short attempt with the premise that I'll go down for a c section after 4-6 hours if no progress/I'll be allowed to ask for one whenever I want. They agreed to these terms and although I wouldn't go as far to say that I'm completely over the moon with my decision, I do feel okay.

[elmo1980]

Sounds like you've made the right decision op - the consultant would have steered you in another direction if they disagreed I'm sure. Try to relax and look forward to seeing your new baby soon!

[BertieBotts]

That sounds positive. Now you have time to focus on finding ways to make your planned section more personal so you feel in control.

You can choose for example whether you want the curtain up or down. Whether the doctor tells you the baby's sex or you discover it for yourselves. You can choose music to be playing if you like. Depending on policy perhaps have your own blanket ready for them to be wrapped in. Who you want to be there. It is apparently an entirely different experience for an elective than for an emergency c section.

[reallyorange]

Hope you feel better having made a decision! When are you booked in for? I'm slightly in denial about the realities of surgery, but so many friends (inc a doctor) and ppl here have told me positive things. I think it's easier to be in denial about natural birth as its out of our control...

[Moanyoldcow]

We really need to change the narrative around birth. This talk of 'failure' to progress etc is so unhelpful. I say this, btw, as a woman who had a failed 5 day induction and very unpleasant emcs.

The way I look at it is that without the interventions they gave me, my baby and I would probably both be dead. Advances in medicine mean we can make informed choices about our deliveries which I think is fantastically empowering rather than dealing with a body failing me.

OP - I'm not minimising your feelings - I genuinely understand - I've had to make the exact same decision as you as I'm currently 30 weeks with my second child. It's scary to decide and making the right decision is hard. But the ideas around the kind of woman who needs interventions or has an emcs is really unhelpful.

I've known women in peak physical condition, young and active who have had every intervention known to man and obese, diabetic older woman who have easy vaginal deliveries with no pain relief.

All that matters is you make the decision that's right for you. As it happens I've made a similar choice as you - if natural labour happens I'll try a VBAC but if they need him out early, I want no induction of any kind (balloon, pessaries, sweeps etc) it's straight to ELCS.