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Pregnancy

Due date today and partner left me!

19 replies

MammyRachy · 12/12/2017 15:08

So me and my now ex fiancé have had a few rough months. I've been in and out of hospital from 27 weeks with a very bad pregnancy. The baby has had steroid injections because I had a positive fibronectin test, then I've suffered with bad spd and 2 weeks ago I was kept in hospital with a suspected blood clot and was on blood thinners. It's my second child my first son is with another man who left when I first found out I was pregnant. I can't believe after all this he's upped and left with the excuse we're not compatible anymore.. he wants to go out and live life but I can't exactly do anything since I've been pretty poorly lately. What's going on :(

OP posts:

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peachesarenom · 12/12/2017 16:37

Oh, I'm so sorry. Do you think he'll calm down in a bit?

MammyRachy · 12/12/2017 16:55

I don't know if he'll calm down, the whole thing is a mess and I'm getting so annoyed. Considering the baby is due today he hasn't even bothered to text and ask if there is any sign? :(

OP posts:

coffeecow · 12/12/2017 16:59

Do you live together? Do you have family who can help with your son when you do go into labour?

GottaBeStrong · 12/12/2017 17:35

I'm so sorry. It sounds awful. Pregnancy seems to really sort the wheat from the chaff when it comes to partners sticking around or leaving.

I hope you have some other support in your life from family or friends who can help you out.

minipie · 12/12/2017 17:48

Oh dear I thought this was going to be someone complaining because her partner had popped out to the shops on her due date. But it's not

How awful for you. I hope he's just having cold feet and comes around once baby is born if not before.

Did he want this baby (not saying it's ok for him to bugger off if it was unplanned, just wondering)

By the way well done for making it to due date after a postitive ffn test. You must have been very worried and it's great you've got to due date whatever happens with your partner.

MammyRachy · 12/12/2017 18:25

Yeah we all lived together. He also has two children who come over on a weekend. I'm completely lost I can't stop crying! The only person I've told that he's left is my Mum.

I feel abandoned and literally didn't know where else to turn so I joined this forum.
I thought a baby was suppose to bring you and your partner closes, this has done the complete opposite :,(

OP posts:

MammyRachy · 12/12/2017 18:29

Yeah Joseph was planned, we lost twins last November and tried for another baby pretty much straight after. I've been constantly worried about the his pregnancy and it was very scary after testing positive on the fibronectin I didn't want to walk too much or anything so I've literally just sat in the house and cleaned.
My partner was getting stressed because I've had irregular contractions off and on and he's got frustrated with me because he didn't know if the baby as coming or not so we argued about that and about me not doing anything or going out much :/

OP posts:

GottaBeStrong · 13/12/2017 16:43

I can totally empathise with you about the not doing much or going out causing arguments. I have been the same because I have chronic health problems and pregnancy has knocked me flat so far. I feel it is very difficult for partners to understand this. It's seen as being lazy and so on. It takes a certain type of person to understand and a lot of people just don't/can't. Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do about it. In some ways coming to that conclusion has helped me as it's just out of your hands as to how they deal with it and which view they wish to take.

Have you heard anything from him? How are you feeling?

MammyRachy · 13/12/2017 17:10

I'm so stressed it's unreal. I've heard from him this morning but that's because I was practically crying asking him to come back :( he just said he didn't know he was confused and needed time to think. I don't know how I'm going to cope with a newborn baby and a nearly 3 year old by myself. My mum helped out when my first partner left m but she'll be going on holiday...I'm starting to think it must be me I must be such a horrible fiancé they just want to leave :(

OP posts:

GottaBeStrong · 13/12/2017 17:59

I just find it so awful how a man can just abandon a woman at a time like this. It's beyond my understanding, but sadly does not seem completely uncommon. It just seems so wrong.

I am not surprised that you are so stressed. Do you have anyone to look after your little boy while you go into hospital?

With regards to your (ex) finance, perhaps for the moment focus not on the relationship but on his involvement in being there for the labour and this child of his. I am not sure if you would even want him at the birth or if he would even attend if you did, but perhaps appeal to that side of him rather than wanting him to return in the total sense. You can always deal with that later, but it is your immediate needs in terms of you, the baby and your little boy that are most urgent.

I don't think what is happening means you are a horrible fiance.

BigBaboonBum · 13/12/2017 18:36

I’m sorry this is happening. My ex left me a few times when pregnant (and then for 8 months with a newborn) and it’s awful but I promise you that it won’t be as hard as you think it is!
My eldest was 4(just!) and I had a sofa in my bedroom that I let him watch cartoons on, he brought toys in and played away (I know it’s not great but he was happy and it was easy and we did go out but most days we nested together). He helped me with baby the best he could like bringing me wipes etc. I ordered food online Asda shop and made sure it was simple things I ordered for meal times, also lots of finger foods for him he could grab from the fridge himself and drinks etc.... I’ve got lots of tips to make life easier!!

My ex is actually a decent father now, although I never took him back he did come back and sleep in the spare room but I eventually wanted rid. We’re good friends now, but not worth my time to think about being a partner, and it doesn’t sound like yours is either.

Good luck. DMs always open if you need to talk

mustbemad17 · 13/12/2017 18:42

Not quite as horrific as leaving you on your due date (bastard) but my now ex walked out on us - without looking back - when I was 13 weeks pregnant. Literally have heard fuck all from him since & baby was very much planned on both sides.

My DD's dad also did the same when I was pregnant; i can fully understand your 'i must be a shit fiance' feeling 😔 Truth is you aren't, they're just wankers. Who walks out on their partner on the due date of their baby after watching them suffer such a rough pregnancy??! Sorry but only a bellend does that.

I like the 'i'm confused' comment...they lose the right to be confused the minute they damn well create another life!!
Hope the birth goes okay OP, try to push him out of your mind & not panic. Everything in it's own time

Adviceplease360 · 13/12/2017 18:51

That sounds terrible op. They both sound like awful people.

I mean this kindly as possible but there isn't much of a gap between your kids. Maybe you should concentrate on yourself, don't get into a relationship yet, focus entirely on your kids for the next few years and on your career, if you have one.

It's not intended as a criticism but moving from partner to partner is not the healthiest way to raise kids.

Good luck

LadyRenoir · 13/12/2017 19:09

I mean this kindly as possible but there isn't much of a gap between your kids.

Euh... 3 years is not exactly that short, is it surely? If the OP had babies within 3 months yeah, that would be moving from man to man, but 3 years, really??? What gap do you think is reasonable between partners, 10 years minimum?

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 13/12/2017 19:13

My heart goes out to you. Please realise that babies should be the result of a special, secure relationship not the means to make one.

BigBaboonBum · 13/12/2017 19:28

I agree @LadyRenoir ... she was hardly bed hopping! Lol

BunsOfAnarchy · 13/12/2017 23:31

Omg OP you poor thing!
I know it's hard to focus right now but leave fiance be. You need to focus on your birth right now and on your baby. Deal with fiance bullshit later.
If he's not communicating then he can f off if he wants to miss out on the most important parts of the pregnancy and birth.
You my love just focus on your health right now. Just breathe and get into birthing mode. Have you a gym ball to bounce on? Have you got hospital bag ready etc? Charge your phone/tablet, get some movies downloaded or some books and just prepare.
There's some great calming YouTube videos on yoga and meditation for pregnancy and birth. Get as clear as you can. Believe me, right now you need to think as little of fiance as possible and be calm for baby.xx

juneisthemonth · 13/12/2017 23:45

Firstly @MammyRachy I am so so sorry your having to go through this right now. And how disgusting is he that he can just up and leave when you have been going through so much! I have no advice to offer other than I am thinking of you, I didn't want to just read and leave without saying anything xxxx

EasterRobin · 14/12/2017 00:21

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. Would your mum consider cancelling her holiday? It might be worth asking so you have some close family support over the next few weeks. If not, you may want to ask a friend or two to come over and hold the baby while they watch TV so you can have some naps.

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