Birth fears

[Mrstobe90]

Hi,

I’m 30+1 and am starting to worry about giving birth.

I have anxiety anyway (although it’s been under control for the past year) and am worried that I won’t be able to cope in childbirth. I’ve had people tell me that you feel like you’re dying and it’s really scaring me.
I’m utterly terrified that something will go wrong.

I’m meant to be having hypnobirth classes soon but am still waiting for the woman to contact me.

Any advice/reassuring stories would be massively appreciated.

[Rebekah120517]

Hi,

I’m 31+4 and feeling the same. I’m worried that I won’t be able to handle it, I’m worried something is going to go wrong, I’m just worried.

This is my first so haven’t got any experience. My family and friends have kids and they seem to say after you see the baby you forget all about it but it’s getting to that stage. Plus it doesn’t help that EVERYONE wants to tell you their birth story even if it has some scary parts.

Sorry for not having any advice just letting you know your not the only one!

X

[RoryItsSnowing]

I was exactly the same as you, I had absolutely no idea how I would cope and often lay in bed full of anxiety about it.

Hypnobirthing helped me enormously, if you don't hear from this course I would contact another one (we used London Hypnobirthing which was amazing if you're in or near London).

I also found a book called The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill invaluable, it reframed everything for me and made it so much less overwhelming. In the end the birth was not at all how I had hoped but still remained such a positive experience, I hope if I have more children it goes as well. I put that pretty much done to hypnobirthing and the book.

[jellycat1]

Ha! I definitely did NOT feel like I was dying! Went 8 hours (of induced contractions) without pain relief with DS1 before crumbling and having an epidural. With DS2 (also induced) I didn't beat around the bush. Just told them to get the epidural out straight away! It's painful of course. I had a 10.5 pounder at 41+4 and a 9.5 pounder at 39 wks! But I would think dying is significantly worse!

[userabcname]

Hi OP - this is a totally normal and natural concern. What are you most worried about? If it's the pain, then be very clear about what pain relief you want and make sure your birth partner is on board with making sure you get it during labour. If it's complications, discuss these with your midwife to help you feel reassured. You may want to consider where you deliver quite carefully - would you feel better in hospital knowing doctors etc are right there or would that stress you out further, in which case a birthing centre may be more appropriate for you (as long as you are low risk)?
Honestly, I gave birth this year and I didn't enjoy labour BUT in the grand scheme of things it is over very quickly and once you have your baby it really does fade away! I would try not to dwell on it all as it will do you no good at all. Try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, get plenty of rest, eat well and indulge in some treats over Christmas! Good luck and congratulations!

[Expectingbsbunumber2]

Who ever said it feels like your dying is an idiot! Yes it's painful but it's bareable!

[Oysterbabe]

It is painful of course but for me didn't feel unmanageable at any point. And afterwards I was completely euphoric. I hope the hypnobirthing helps you feel more calm about things, I'm sure you'll be fine.

[mindutopia]

Start doing natal hypnotherapy. You really don't need classes. You can do it on your own and I would start now given how you're feeling.

Honestly, it's fine. I had my first at home, completely natural, no pain relief at all other than a TENS machine on my back, and I was pretty comfortable and relaxed. I never felt like I was 'dying.' My legs got tired (I was squatting for 4 hours) and the cervical check was really unpleasant. But honestly I didn't think it was that painful. It definitely wasn't scary. It was intense and tiring though. I've had two knee operations and also a bad bout of pneumonia that landed me in hospital on oxygen, those were by far more painful. But the key is going in relaxed and keeping yourself relaxed and hypnotherapy was really effective for that for me.

[Winenight]

I know how you feel- I'm 36 + 3 so even closer to the big day!

We were told in our antenatal classes that some ladies feel like they want to die once they're reaching the point to start pushing- it didn't reassure me much either I must say.

I'm writing my birth "ideas" with my midwife tomorrow and I'm being pretty open about using medicated pain relief. I've also made clear to DH to just get me what I need to get through it and safely have the baby. I'm pretty open about going with the flow.

I have refused to hear anyone else's birth stories and I have not watched any "one born any minute" either. It will be your experience and no-one else's. I may be going into it with blind faith but better than going into it stressed and worried!

I took a similar approach when having IVF- if you start listening to everyone else's stories of doom it weighs you down. IVF wasn't actually as bad as I thought it would be.

Good luck to us both!

[Scentofwater]

Childbirth is scary. Some people are lucky enough to have really straightforward, manageable births. You may well be one of them!

But even if you feel it is unmanageable, even if it is painful, even if something goes wrong, even if hypnobirthing doesn’t help you (it certainly didn’t for me!) then you will likely be in an environment where you will be surrounded by people who can help, who can do what’s needed to look after you and your baby.

It is a relatively short experience so even at its worst you won’t be feeling like that forever. Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go to plan, it is not something you can completely control!

[frontdoughnuts]

Dying is utter BS. I was so scared something would go wrong during labour, but the team at the hospital were incredible, and although it didn’t go to plan, everything was okay!
I didn’t scream once (DH thinks I’m pretty magical after witnessing it) you just get into a zone where you find your way to cope with it. Then I asked for an epidural and had a nap! It’s natural to worry, but don’t listen to scary birth stories -shut those people down - focus on the positives; holding your baby, being a mother etc.

[Beansprout30]

With my first I tried to just block out any thoughts of the birth and just go with it when it happened. It is very painful, in a way I think is hard to explain to anyone who's not gone through it, but it's bare able and if you struggle then don't be afraid to take whatever pain relief you need. You will be in safe hands. For me, getting my breathing under control and following the midwife's instructions helped massively, put your trust in the professionals and you will be fine x

[YouBetterWORK]

32+6 here and bricking it. I have the Maggie Howell CD which I'm listening to. Its just the uncertainty of it all. As a person I am incredibly risk averse and love to have a clear idea of what's happening and when which if course birth isn't like at all!

In the early days I was more worried about me (I have a vulval pain condition and still unsure about whether a natural birth might fuck my bits over for good or not). Now however I'm so scared for DD, that something will go wrong - what if she has the cord tight around her neck or goes into distress? What if I'd decided not to go for a c section which could have saved her? This baby has been a long time in the making and the thought of something going wrong with her birth is fucking terrifying frankly.

We have a plan of sorts. Go for natural if before 39/40 but any sign of distress or not progressing then it's c section and no messing about with drips or instruments unless it's safer she comes out that way. Or at 39/40 then c section and no arsing about with inductions. A close friend had an induction that the hospital (same one) ballsed up big time and led to panic buttons EMCS and people screaming they have 5 mins to get baby out. No effing way!

As we are consultant led we have a meeting this week and both DH and I have said we aren't being rushed in and out like before we are getting it discussed and agreed! Hopefully they agree!

Bit of a derail there but you aren't alone in the old birth fears, I'm just trying to listen to the CD ad much as possible and hope it sinks in on some level!

[Mrstobe90]

Glad to know I’m not the only one that’s worried! My mum is very much “oh don’t be stupid! Everything will be fine”, which is nice but not actually that helpful lol.

I’ve opted for a home birth as I felt that being in my own environment would be much more beneficial to my state of mind so thank you @mindutopia for your story as it really helped!

I’m 5 minutes away from the hospital by blue light but I think my main concern is that I’ve made a stupid choice and that if something goes wrong, they weren’t be able to help baby or myself in time.

Good luck to everyone with your upcoming births! Let’s hope we all have really quick and easy births!!

[Mrstobe90]

*won’t

[NC1990]

I never felt like I was dying, I had a quick and intense labour with only gas and air and I do NOT have a high pain tolerance usually. The last few contractions were extremely painful but the pushing stage was more bearable (and you know by then that it's nearly over!). Remember that pain relief is there if you need it (not sure what you can have with a home birth?) so don't be afraid to ask for it.

[jellypi3]

I can't believe so many people have been told it feel like you are dying?!? Wow.

I won't lie, it hurts like fuck and a can be pretty scary but so long as you remember there's an end in sight and it won't be forever it will be fine. Hypnobirthing suits some people, pain relief suits others.

Try not to panic.

[butterfly990]

I have given birth 3 times. Two times induced as two weeks late and the third was 2 days early. All natural deliveries.

The easiest but most painful was the third. No pain relief but quick less than 2 hours. The best advise anyone gave me was that once the placenta is delivered the pain is gone.

The middle birth I was induced and had oxitocin to induce the birth. I had an epidural from the start and had absolutely no pain at any point during the birth. If I had to give birth again it would be epidural all the way! It basically felt like your whole body was numb, you have no control over your legs but you can feel when to push. It doesn't work for everyone.

[Mrstobe90]

I did consider epidural but the thought of not being able to use my legs freaks me out

[dinosaurkisses]

On a scale of pain (for me), it was lower down than a bad toothache or recovery from a tonsillectomy- I'd sooner go through labour again than either of those!

Bear in mind that it's not a continuous non stop pain/ you'll have breaks between when you'll be able to talk, move about, eat and drink. You'll feel the pain getting worse and then tapering off again, so it's not even agonising pain for the entire length of the contraction.

[namechangedcantthinkofnewone]

It definitely does it feel like your dying. The thought of childbirth is scary, I was terrified with baby no.3.

I think it's the waiting that scared me most, once contractions kick in you go with the flow.

Good luck op.

[rainbowstardrops]

I know it sounds obvious but all labours are different!
My two were both very long but very, very different.
With my DD I’d had DS home on holiday from school and had ‘just managed’ at home before I finally went into hospital. I was 9cm! The midwife asked if I wanted gas and air and I remember shrugging and saying, ‘Yeah, go on then’.
Just go with an open mind.
Easier said than done I know x

[Bellamuerte]

Everyone has a different birth experience depending on the size and shape of their body, the position of their baby, etc. My mum had 18 hours of virtually painless contractions followed by 15 minutes of painful pushing. Some people do have a bad time but not everyone feels like they're dying, so I don't think you should expect that or feel afraid of it.

[tiptopteepe]

I had a really awful birth the first time but the worst thing about it was being in hospital. I think I might try a homebirth this time around. I found it wasnt the pain that was the problem altho it was painful, it was more the stress of it. I think that would be improved by being in familiar surroundings with people you trust.

Every birth is completely different, some are very easy im told! And I was told mine being awful was actually a rare thing that they hadnt expected. You are more likely to have an easier birth its just that you are more likely to read about the difficult ones because people want to talk thru them especially on mumsnet!

Ive had two friends have home births and both of them said that altho they were painful at points, they were manageable and they were very glad they had them at home.

I was terrified giving birth and I did have a hard time but im going to be doing it again soon and I feel much more positive about it. I know it will be painful and difficult but I also know that actually its only a very small amount of time compared to your whole life and even to the length of your pregnancy, and your body just does it, it just happens so it doesnt matter how frightend you are or how painful it is, it wont actually last forever so you will get thru it you dont even have to be brave!!!