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Older mum

(7 Posts)
tinkiemaggs Wed 06-Dec-17 19:49:29

I really don't know what to do. I am a mum of 4 (20,16,9 and 2) 20 and 16 year old from my first marriage, 9 year old from a long term relationship and my 2 year old from my now marriage. They are all lovely well adjust kids who are the light of my life.
My 2 year old is my husbands first and he absolutely dotes on her and would really love more.
he is 34 I am 42! and we have been together for 6 years.
He works in the defense industry and so do I. I work 32 hours a week in what I would class quite a full on job. He is a contractor.

I told him about 1 and a half years ago I didn't really want more children after our 2 year old as I was 41 and have been raising children for the last 20 years... (I have always gone back to work after mat leave). He got very upset at the time and in the end I kind-of caved as I didn't like seeing him so down...
A few weeks ago things came to ahead and I said absolutely no way do I want more children (This came about as I am the one who generally runs the home, works and sorts the kids, pets, finances etc etc) and that I didn't think I could cope with any more on my plate. (my 9 year old also has a rare autoimmune disorder and he is under GOSH - and whilst he is showing great signs of improvement (what they call 'remission') he still needs weekly meds, bloody tests and 3 monthly visits to GOSH, all which I do)

I am pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4 weeks...and I am just not sure I want to keep it. I have told him and I have also told him that I am not sure I want to keep it and he is devastated...(Please also note that this is a man who does like his own way a lot!!!!!!!!!!!)

80% of me wants to be free a bit to live my life, not have to endure Peppa-bloody-pig anymore than I have to, not having to coax a child to eat/sleep.. basically start to have a little bit of life without having to think of someone else (and yes I know I am doing all of the above now anyway with my 2 year old but that will only be for another year or so before I have to hit the 'Next phase' the go through but end is in site.. Another baby I feel I am back to square one, at least for another 1/2 years...which takes me to 44.
On top of all this, in January next year we are renovating our 3 bed bungalow into a six bed, 2 story house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But... 20 % of me really wants to please him and I half tell myself.. it's only for a couple of years. You have great pregnancy's, easy births, your active, healthy...

I have looked into abortion (the tablet form) but if I go down that root I will never ever get pregnant again, which will destroy him...he may even never quite be able to forgive me.

I have tried telling him all this and pointed out the extra child care costs, spreading myself even more thinly than I am with the kids, what will I tell work, I have only been back a year etc etc (and they have just promoted me).

Sorry to sick all this out but I just don't know what to do...:-(

user1485778793 Wed 06-Dec-17 20:08:43

Sounds like a very difficult situation.

What about if he were to take on all the childcare?

RestingGrinchFace Wed 06-Dec-17 20:13:39

The one thing I will say is that you shouldn't have children to please someone else. If you choose to continue the pregnancy make sure that it is because you want to.

Hulaballoo Wed 06-Dec-17 20:14:46

That's such a hard decision to make 🙁 I'm really not sure what to advise apart from take your time making the decision, talk and talk and talk with each other, look at both sides carefully... Ask yourself difficult questions... How do you think you'll feel if you abort? How do you think you'll feel if you don't...? Really hope you both find a way for you both ... So hard thinking of you xx

tinkiemaggs Wed 06-Dec-17 20:20:56

Unfortunately this is not an option. Whilst I earn a good salary, he is a contractor so earns a lot more...:-( I am not unrealistic that we need the money...

tinkiemaggs Wed 06-Dec-17 20:22:27

@RestingGrinchFace... I wouldn't say I don't but I am not entirely convinced I do.. it's probaly 70-30 (70 I don't!)

thumbelina03 Wed 06-Dec-17 21:32:26

If you were so adamant you didn't want anymore children why did you not use any contraception? You shouldn't have a baby to please somebody else, but equally by not using it you've given your husband reason to have hope of more children.

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