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Hiding pregnancy from family

(20 Posts)
user1485778793 Wed 06-Dec-17 18:08:47

I'm 8 weeks pregnant, we lost our first baby in August at 2 1/2 months old. We had great support from my family and all our friends but my dh s family have been awful, said hurtful things and treated our baby in a dangerous way in the hospital before he died.

We decided not to tell his family, the relationship is strained anyway and I haven't seen them for a few months and don't plan to.

We've decided their input will be minimal. Which is going to go down badly. They are very over bearing, demanding people who very rarely think about other people's feelings.

Do we tell them from the off that they won't be having our baby in the way they will be thinking (ie holidays, days out, etc)
Or do we just let them carry on with their plans and not say anything.

Ps before anyone jumps on me.... this is the granny that walked into icu, ignored a nurse and took baby out of his incubator when he was on minimal handling.... legitimately bat shit!

Tinselistacky Wed 06-Dec-17 18:11:05

Go no contact then they will know nothing about your lives.
I remember your past threads. You don't owe them any explanations whatsoever.

Ishouldreallybeworkingg Wed 06-Dec-17 18:17:12

I'd go NC too.... I've never ever said that on here before but I genuinely think it's the best thing for you.

user1485778793 Wed 06-Dec-17 18:22:22

I'm completely nc..... for my sanity and protecting myself from their pregnancy hatred.

Unless my mum tells them they will not find out, but she won't.

So I'm not over reacting to them having minimal contact.... absolutely no unsupervised contact with a baby of mine, dh agrees.

Tinselistacky Wed 06-Dec-17 18:31:20

I wouldn't even let them see a photo never mind access of any sort!!

Bobbiepin Wed 06-Dec-17 18:33:15

Totally agree with PP, go NC and cut them out completely. I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

user1485778793 Wed 06-Dec-17 18:37:02

Problem is... They guilt trip dh. His dad leaves pathetic voicemails for dh.

And, they still see nothing wrong in anything they have ever done..... hence the never ever giving them a child on their own

Turquoise123 Wed 06-Dec-17 18:44:56

Why would they be making plans and why would they go on holiday with your baby ?

You life - your baby - keep busy and no need to see them.

I assume that they must live very close to you otherwise not an issue.

I wish you much happiness and I am sure you will find your way through this .

user1485778793 Wed 06-Dec-17 18:52:26

Because they think grandchildren are THEIRS.... they are batshit. Bil lets them walk all over his family, they take them on 3 holidays a year, including the whole summer holiday without their parents

Tinselistacky Wed 06-Dec-17 18:53:22

So dh needs to block them also!!

user1485778793 Wed 06-Dec-17 18:53:34

And they force feed kids..... I hate that

Ishouldreallybeworkingg Wed 06-Dec-17 19:27:20

Yep, your DH needs to follow suit and go NC. Your child will gain absolutely nothing by having contact with them and they don't deserve any in the first place.

GrockleBocs Wed 06-Dec-17 19:39:32

I remember your thread at the time. They're not nice people. A gentle congratulations on this pregnancy.
So if it were down to you obviously it would be NC all the way and tell them nothing but what would DH do when they do the sad act? Maybe it would be better to get all the shouting and sad act from them done now before you have this baby. And perhaps DH will see clearly.

user1485778793 Wed 06-Dec-17 19:46:49

Thing is it wouldn't be a one off shouting match. It will be drawn out guilt trips, they're very good at them.

user1485778793 Wed 06-Dec-17 19:51:22

Dh is gradually wising up to their antics

GrockleBocs Wed 06-Dec-17 19:55:29

But DH can't be guilted into letting them have the baby for another 6 months or so. You do have complete control over the baby's whereabouts right now smile I'd get the ball rolling now.

user1485778793 Wed 06-Dec-17 19:57:09

One reason we haven't told them is to keep them off my case, as soon as they know they will be on my back which I cannot stand

Eastend2015 Wed 06-Dec-17 20:31:01

I’m so sorry you lost your DS. I haven’t seen your previous threads but pregnancy can be a very worrying time and you don’t need anyone stressing you out. I understand a little of what you might be going through- we have quite a strained relationship at times with my DP. We had 2 losses before our DS and my mum has accused me of “excluding” her from my pregnancy- which I did to some extent just to maintain good mental health. Since then, we have had a few periods of NC when we have been though stressful experiences. NC didn’t have to be forever but it’s a part of establishing boundaries and sometimes the only option when you already have enough on your plate!

Tinselistacky Wed 06-Dec-17 21:26:53

My mil was an awful dm to my dh. She met ds once or twice then we went nc. She slagged us off to anyone who would listen /read her lengthy emails but we ignored ignored ignored. Been 3 years in Jan and life is truly bliss!! Being a dgm is a privilege not a right.

Hulaballoo Wed 06-Dec-17 22:11:38

Def NC but you and dh need to be strong and together on this... He can't cave...

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