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I'm off sex, and my partner isn't very understanding.

(25 Posts)
Daisy92 Tue 05-Dec-17 16:02:35

I'm 20 weeks pregnant, and over the moon! Basically, everything is perfect, with one major exception: I'm off sex at the moment, and my partner isn't reacting very well to it.

It's been three weeks now, and whilst I'm okay with that I'm receiving horrid comments from my him about why I'm not initiating and ignoring his advances. The truth is, I'm exhausted! My body is changing. I feel grotesque, and large, and I'm in bed and asleep by 9:30 at night. We both work full time, so finding time in the daytime is difficult.

I've told him this, but he believes that I'm merely making excuses and that I don't find him attractive anymore. He doesn't seem to understand, and it's causing friction between us.

Has anyone else had this issue?

MessyBun247 Tue 05-Dec-17 16:07:18

What is the rest of the relationship like? Is he usually so selfish? Men having tantrums over lack of sex is THE biggest turn off ever.

Mammyloveswine Tue 05-Dec-17 16:21:02

God in 36 weeks and my husband can piss off... I might give in in a few weeks time to get things going but tbh he's a grown man and capable of sorting himself out!

thingymaboob Tue 05-Dec-17 16:27:43

Really childish behaviour. My husband is really understanding. He didn't once try it on and was shocked the one time I did. He understands that I'm not into it and is really lovely about it.

LMX0 Tue 05-Dec-17 16:28:09

Tell him he has 2 hands he can make some use of them!!! Men can be selfish at times!! And if it was me i would be making the point of, keep that up and you wont be getting any for a very long time now away and make me a cuppa tea!! 😂😝

BigBaboonBum Tue 05-Dec-17 16:33:51

Lol he sounds like a big baby. Over sex? It’s cringe worthy to think about how embarrassing that is. Can he imagine if you just said yes because he was moaning like a little bitch about it though? Just him on top rubbing his dick on you until he came. Is that sexy to him? Why would he moan about it? What would it even achieve? It’s so weird and unhelpful

I could not be less interested in sex when I’m pregnant and if OH ever moaned about it he could find somewhere else to sleep so I can be fat and awkward on my own

BewareOfDragons Tue 05-Dec-17 16:36:18

"I'm fucking exhausted because I'm carrying your baby while still trying to hold down a fulltime job and do half the stuff at home. You're being an ass."

Repeat as necessary.

wowbutter Tue 05-Dec-17 16:56:07

No, I haven't experienced this, my DH is very understanding.
I suffer with a serious pelvic condition while pregnant, so sex is impossible and so painful. Pregnancy number one, we had sex once a trimester, at my insistence. Number two, none. If he suggested it, I would laugh.
Does your partner understand you may tear, or be unable to perform post baby? What will he do then? Demand to check your stitches to see if you have healed?

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus Tue 05-Dec-17 18:27:31

Why is he putting his needs and wants over yours? Why does he not listen and believe you? Is he usually this selfish?

Ninjamilo Tue 05-Dec-17 18:48:41

He sounds like a dick.

I've not been interested in sex at all while I've been pregnant - it's been over 3 months now and my husband is just lovely about it. He knows it's not forever and the beautiful baby we get at the end of it is worth it.

Instead of making me feel bad, he makes me a hot water bottle for my feet every night and laughs at me when I apologise for not being interested!

I honestly don't know what to suggest, I can't imagine someone being so selfish.

bettydraper31 Tue 05-Dec-17 18:54:55

Oh my god I can’t believe he’s making this about him!

Like a PP said, whining and bitching about it is hardly sexy is it?

I’ve a history of premature labour so sex is well off the cards for me this time! No way am I risking it. DH will just have to use his right hand if he’s that bothered, same for yours too OP x

Maincat Tue 05-Dec-17 19:41:04

I agree with everyone else in that he's being very selfish and immature. However, is this stemming from some deeper insecurity? Is he usually insecure? I think you should definitely tell him to respect you and what you're going through and drop the guilt plays, bit it may be worth asking him why he's suddenly wracked with insecurity. Maybe he's worried about the baby and it's manifesting in his irritating behaviour? Maybe he's just realised he's not going to be the centre of your world...either way he needs to get over it to support you both. Wishing you luck and hoping you can have an honest, productive conversation xx

MeadowHay Tue 05-Dec-17 19:52:03

I'm 12 weeks and I have hyperemesis so vomit many times a day and spend most of my time sleeping and can't do anything more strenous than sit on the sofa and read/watch telly, since week 6 of my pregnancy and have been off work since then. Therefore we haven't had any remotely sexual contact for about 6 weeks now. If DH spoke to me like your partner is I would be absolutely furious! He knows I'm very unwell and he absolutely doesn't expect me to be up for sex right now.

Maybe show your partner this thread because he is being very unreasonable and selfish!

Also, DH doesn't usually masturbate, but he has been doing so now and again over the last 6 weeks given that we aren't having sex. I suggest your DP consider doing the same!

sexymamma17 Tue 05-Dec-17 20:48:22

He sounds selfish. Women don't fancy sex when we are carrying their baby. It's exhausting being pregnant. My partner was understanding when I didn't want sex while pregnant. All you want to do is have an early night and plenty of rest. He needs to get used to the idea of no sex for a while!

thingymaboob Tue 05-Dec-17 22:02:29

@MeadowHay exactly! I have hyperemesis and sex was totally off the agenda. My husband has been so lovely and cleared up so much sick.

DailyMaileatmyshit Wed 06-Dec-17 04:58:56

This doesn't bode well I have to say. How is he going to be after baby arrives? You may be unable to have sex for months. May still not want it. Certainly be exhausted. May have a birth injury. Does he understand that?

He's being a selfish dick.

Pannacott Wed 06-Dec-17 05:12:11

Oh dear. So he's pressuring you for sex and trying to guilt trip you at the same time? What a charmer. How is he going to manage when he's not the centre of your attention and everything revolves around the baby? Is he usually very selfish? sad

Trytowin Wed 06-Dec-17 05:28:50

Oh, this is not good! What an arse!

I have not had sex since 1 attempt very early pregnancy but it was so painful (ended up on crutches for SPD) My daughter is 11 weeks now and the tiredness is killer and our daughter is a 'good' baby. Even if I was not tired I had a second degree tear so would not have been able straight away anyway (not and issue as sleep won for both of us!)

Not once has my DH moaned, a couple of times he has suggested it but when I have said I'm tired etc. He just gives me a hug and we snuggle instead.

My DH and I are so alike, don't argue yet having a baby has been so stressful a few times have been fraught, my worry is if he is being a dick now without lack of sleep, crying etc. What is he gonna do with those stresses too?

Take care of yourself and your little one :-)

Ishouldreallybeworkingg Wed 06-Dec-17 07:46:50

This REALLY isn't a good sign of things to come. Is he usually this selfish and self absorbed?

Daisy92 Wed 06-Dec-17 16:06:13

Oh thank goodness you're all on the same page as me. I thought I was overreacting by being so outraged.

He's normally the most selfless man I could ever wish for. I don't understand this attitude..

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 06-Dec-17 16:06:53

Ask him why he wants sex you don't want. Because DH would never want to have sex if I wasn't an enthusiastic participant.

Frankly it's really creepy and unpleasant.

BigBaboonBum Wed 06-Dec-17 16:32:55

I agree with @MrsTerryPratchett . Wanting to have sex with somebody who doesn’t want it is SUPER creepy and should concern you

Hairgician Wed 06-Dec-17 18:26:41

Jees am 18 weeks and not had any since we found out at 3.5weeks!! Do not feel up for it in any way and feeling totally unsexy due to bump and fact ive not been waxed since start of September and currently resememble a fucking yeti!! Plus I had bit of brown staining/spotting around 4.5 weeks which put me off tbh.
No complaints from oh. He gets it.
And if I'm feeling generous he might get a wee hand job some nights. Bjs are defo off the table!! Tell him to fuck off.

BunsOfAnarchy Wed 06-Dec-17 19:32:44

By the sounds of it he's just not used to not having lovin from you for such a prolonged period of time. But it's difficult for men to understand women on any given day so thinking he'd understand you while pregnant is far fetched lol.
I know my hubby is supportive and says he understands but we all know they truly don't. Our bodies are changing, hormones are all over the show, the fatigue, sickness, food aversions, messed up dreams and all else play havoc with our heads more than even we can comprehend. So our dear partners...they haven't a clue what's going on!
I love hubby. And we had so much sexy time in the lead up to conception then BAM. I peed on a stick that showed 2 lines and my vajayjay decided to close until further notice. I know he wants that intimacy and I feel bad that I'm not in the mood at times. But I do my part. He has does so much for me throughout my pregnancy that I always show him the physical affection that I am in the mood for. Kisses and cuddles. Shoulder rubs. Holding us hand when we watch tv and always telling him how much he means to me. None of this is put on, it's all from the heart and it's all genuine. My vajayjay is still not interested in the absolute slightest....Maybe she will be soon enough but who knows.

Remind him of other ways of showing love and affection. Don't feel bad about it either.

Disclaimer- there have been times I've wanted to throat punch hubby for just hugging me especially through my sickness weeks.

Darcychu Wed 06-Dec-17 19:44:29

honestly ii would just ask him to do his research, its not unusual that pregnant people feel very tired and are put off sex for a while, some peoples sex drive reduce drastically whilst some are just for a little while, Just ask him to do his bloody research.

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