Advanced search

Pregnant? See how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy with the Mumsnet Pregnancy Calendar.

How to get out of having an abortion?

(20 Posts)
canderella Tue 05-Dec-17 11:11:50

I am 10+5 weeks pregnant ad 27 yo. I jut booked an abortion for two weeks time from Ireland (travelling to Manchester). But deep down I dont want to do it. I have had terminations in the past and dont want another. But I dont have any support. My partner is pushing for one because we dont live together only together a year and have limited income. My Mum passed away earlier this year and I dont get on well with my Dad or my brother so I am very tied. My BF said he doesnt know if he can handle or stay with me if I had it. So im here for advice.

I know this sounds mad, but are there any situations where one would be turned away from a clinic and having an abortion? I dont want to loose him by him knowing I want it and was hoping someone could give me some genuine reason they would say no on the day so I can get out of it. I know it all sounds a bit mad but desperate times..

thank you

chiaseeddisapointmentagain Tue 05-Dec-17 11:14:22

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BigBaboonBum Tue 05-Dec-17 11:15:26

If you show up and tell them you don’t want this and feel forced, they won’t touch you. However you should really see your gp and book some proper advice on the matter and avoid going all together flowers .
It shows your partners true character if he won’t support you

aGMX Tue 05-Dec-17 11:16:22

I am really sorry you are in this situation. My advice is cancel it and don't go at all. It's not your partner's choice. It's your choice to have the baby and whether you have it or not, your relationship is already dead. Leave him, have your baby. Do you have housing and a job? Then you can support yourself and your baby and you don't need anyone else. Please don't have a termination for someone else.

Callamia Tue 05-Dec-17 11:19:21

I know you’re feeling desperate, but tricking someone into being a parent won’t work.

If you want this baby, and you think you can manage on your own (which is a realistic scenario), then do it. You can. It’s up to you. But you need to take control.

If you say something that isn’t true, you will be found out eventually. I assume your boyfriend isn’t stupid, he will be able to work out what’s happened.

I wish you lots of luck. This is a hard decision to make

Bombardier25966 Tue 05-Dec-17 11:20:32

Crikey canderella, that's a mess.

In answer to your question, if you're tell the clinic you do not want an abortion they will not perform one.

Do you want to be with a man that wants you to abort a child that you want? What is more important to you, feckless man or the baby growing inside you?

You do need to look at the circumstances behind your previous abortions. Are you not taking care of your own health and using reliable contraception, is there an abuse or control history with previous (and current) partner?

mindutopia Tue 05-Dec-17 13:04:51

If you don't have the abortion for whatever reason, he sounds like a dickhead who is going to disappear anyway (and for the best by the looks of it). So just say you couldn't have one. It's his loss. You have to live with your choices and I'd show him where he can find the door. He doesn't sound like a keeper.

Whitley83 Tue 05-Dec-17 13:09:44

CHIASEDANDDISAPPOINTMENT - Mdont you dare be so ignorant to this girls situation. I have had 3 terminations in the past (yes PLURAL) and it is down to the individual and what their circumstances are at the time. Have some bloody compassion.

Me personally, if I was having any doubt I'd cancel the appointment and give you a bit of breathing space, it doesn't mean you can't rebook in a few weeks If you decided it wasn't what you wanted.

newtlover Tue 05-Dec-17 13:10:13

It really is your choice, not his, he will soon disappear once you have asserted your rights over your own body, I was under the impression there were organisations in Ireland that would support young sngle women facing an unplanned pregnancy.
It would be mad (and a waste of money you will need for you and the baby) to actually go to Manchester and then pretend they turned you down. If you're goint to be a mother you need to grow up a bit for your own sake and your baby's, just tell those around you what you intend.
Unless there is something you are not telling us.

chiaseeddisapointmentagain Tue 05-Dec-17 13:38:12

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Whitley83 Tue 05-Dec-17 13:41:07

You really have no idea do you chiasedanddisappointmentagain.

I really feel for you. I actually feel sorry for you.

Bakanta Tue 05-Dec-17 13:42:02

@chiaseeddisapointmentagain you are coming across very ignorant. Women fall pregnant in many difficult situations and it is not always possible to carry the pregnancy. Have some common sense.

chiaseeddisapointmentagain Tue 05-Dec-17 13:42:36

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bakanta Tue 05-Dec-17 13:44:57

@chiaseeddisapointmentagain you are a goady fucker.

Robyrollover Tue 05-Dec-17 13:46:08

The poor child that may have had medical condition that meant the pregnancy wasn't viable - or could put the mothers life at risk?


Mooey89 Tue 05-Dec-17 13:47:52

chiaseed you are being an ignorant Dick.
OP I’m so sorry you’re in such a difficult situation.
Please don’t go ahead with this if you do not want it.

I was a single parent from when dS was 6months. It’s hard, but it is doable.

Notamorningperson84 Tue 05-Dec-17 13:59:07

I you don't want this termination them don't go ahead with it, but don't lie to your partner. He'll see through it and it'll make things worse in the long run.

Chiaseed, if you haven't got anything kind or helpful to say please piss off.

heatherxo Tue 05-Dec-17 20:34:45

If you do not want a termination then please don't do it!
I'm 22 years old and I've had 2 terminations. I didn't want either procedure to happen, but was forced into it twice. I regret my choices terribly, to the point that I've tried to take my own life multiple times.
Please don't do it just because that's what he wants, you do what you need to do hun flowers

Dippingmytoesin Tue 05-Dec-17 20:40:49

If you don’t want an abortion do not have one my ex tried to force me into an abortion, I now have. 2 year old I was 24 when I had him and a student but also a single mum!

If you think you can do this alone and you really want this child do not go ahead with an abortion, you can’t be coerced into an abortion anyway.

Do you really want to be with someone who would guilt you into an abortion?


OCSockOrphanage Tue 05-Dec-17 20:52:04

I get where you are coming from, and all that you are feeling, and am sympathetic to those emotions. But, if I may offer an opinion from the later end of life experience.

I terminated two pregnancies during my 20s/early thirties because neither relationship was committed to family. Eventually, I had one child (now an adult, just). I am very happy with those decisions, even with the inevitable pain that came with making them at the time.

Your partner doesn't sound like a lifetime companion, and life as a single parent is tough going. I think I would terminate and wait, but that's just me. As we all know, having a small child is relentless, and a teenager just ups the odds. There are more lives than yours that will be affected by your choice now.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: