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Struggling with "bump bonding"

(11 Posts)
heatherxo Sun 03-Dec-17 18:18:58

Hi. I'm 17+2 weeks and I feel like I don't really care much for this baby.
I have a 2 and a half year old boy and I was "in love" when I was pregnant with him. This time I don't really feel much.. I don't hate or dislike the baby/pregnancy, but I'm not loving it either.
I feel selfish and awful. Does this mean I won't love the baby when he's born? Totally messing with my mental health right now! sad

Flumplet Sun 03-Dec-17 18:25:50

No this is not uncommon. Perhaps when you start feeling movement might this help? And when you see the 20wk scan pic? I am currently 18 weeks with dc 2 and have been feeling very similar as I have been suffering HG, but starting to feel some movement (only very slight) has started to help. Do speak to your midwife who will be able to give you some proper professional advice.

Kpo58 Sun 03-Dec-17 19:34:20

I wouldn't worry about it. I'm nearly 30 weeks and haven't bonded at all with my bump and didn't with my first pregnancy either.

When the baby is here and if you are still struggling to bond, that is the time to ask for help.

It's very hard to bond with something you cannot see and don't physically feel all the time. Maybe it would help if we had screens looking inside rather like on teletubbies?

heatherxo Mon 04-Dec-17 08:40:12

I guess I'm just worried because I didn't have this "problem" when pregnant with ds1. I don't think 20wk scan will help, as I just had a gender reveal scan last Thursday, thought maybe that would make me feel a bit better but nope... nothing.
Suppose I'm just scared to talk to midwife because then that makes it more real, scared my partner finds out and hates me for not "loving" our son.
Thanks ladies

BertieBotts Mon 04-Dec-17 08:58:10

I think you're just busier with the second baby and you don't have the brain space to be totally focused on them like you are with the first one.

Also, you've become used to interacting with your DS so closely and physically that it can be hard to shift that feeling to the new baby, and it can feel impossible that you could ever feel the same strength of feelings that you have for him for another child. But this normally changes when the new baby actually arrives and is a physical being demanding of your attention too!

CL1982 Mon 04-Dec-17 11:52:19

I can't get my head around the idea that it's a baby in there. It's very weird. I scheduled a 4D scan just to see if i can persuade my brain into believing it's in there :D And I'm 28 weeks now so getting pretty huge!

rollingonariver Mon 04-Dec-17 11:54:12

I didn't love my baby in the womb, I wanted to protect her but it wasn't love really. I'm sure it's fine, it'll be fine when you meet them smile

snackarella Mon 04-Dec-17 12:11:10

I haven't liked either of my bumps because I hate being pregnant - it hurts and it's inconvenient!
I haven't had a problem post birth with bonding at all despite a SCBU stay so I didn't get all the instant contact stuff.
I'm sure you will be fine. Good luck xz

Breakfastat Mon 04-Dec-17 12:14:11

Have a read of this, dropped in to my inbox this morning.
conscious-transitions.com/pregnancy-anxiety/

BigBaboonBum Mon 04-Dec-17 16:54:20

This is my third child and in none of the pregnancies I’ve bonded with my bump... in fact it just sounds a little crazy to me! Lol. I love my children more than anything but felt nothing other than a concern for their wellbeing until they were born (in fact not even straight away with my first, but immediately with my second). Don’t worry about bonding with your bump, just look after yourself and get prepared for a baby you can actually bond with

GiraffesCantDoMentalArithmetic Mon 04-Dec-17 19:29:34

I found myself dwelling on how the new baby was somehow "taking the place" of dd1 when I was pregnant with dd2, and felt kind of resentful on dd1's behalf. Weird, as dd1 was thrilled to be a big sister.

When dd2 arrived though I bonded much more quickly than I did with dd1.

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