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Anyone pregnant with no. 2 after a long gap or a mum over 40?

(36 Posts)
DontCallMeJohnBoy Fri 01-Dec-17 15:31:30

Our DC is 8 and we've long given up hope of a 2nd. I took a test this morning when my period still didn't arrive (I'm 41, cycle all over the shop, was expecting it to just prove I wasn't upduffed) and the bloody thing went positive. So did the one an hour later.

So far today I have learned that I no longer have to avoid peanuts (DH has an allergy to them so I avoided them 8 years ago) and that this baby may be here as soon at 30th June which would be interesting for the mid-July holiday we've got booked abroad. Oh, and there's a 40+% change of miscarriage as we're both over 40. Sigh.

DH is keen to tell DS who will be thrilled and completely unable to keep it a secret, but I just keep going back to that 40% figure. I don't know how to process all this. First midwife appointment available is just after Christmas so we're waiting until then to book in, irrelevant of how far along this is but, waaaaaah, how does life know how to do this when you thought your life was sorted and you'd made peace with that?

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis Fri 01-Dec-17 15:37:19

Firstly - Congratulations!

Secondly - I would keep it a secret from everyone including DS until you get passed the 12 week mark.

Thirdly - My first DD was born when I was 42, DD2 when I was 43, both natural conceptions and healthy babies. It can happen smile

Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and welcome to the over 40 motherhood club, you'll be surprised there's lots of members! smile

Smellybluecheese Fri 01-Dec-17 15:42:41

I found out 2 days ago that I am unexpectedly pregnant. I’m 44 & have one 3 year old daughter. Still a bit shellshocked. Pregnancy at 41 was a doddle btw! But I did have 2 miscarriages prior to DD. So I’m not expecting this one to work out. Still a bit in denial though to be honest.

DontCallMeJohnBoy Fri 01-Dec-17 15:55:26

Thank you both. I thought I was 6 weeks but looking online might be nearer 9. I don't feel pregnant; with DS I knew before I did the test that it would be positive but not this time. I don't know if that's good / bad / irrelevant / a sign it's a girl this time (!).

DH has form for getting over-excited. I didn't want to tell DS until after the midwife booking in appointment in late Dec; DH was looking at prams when we went Xmas present shopping today hmm.

Life can be very stressful at present, getting out of the house early in the morning etc. The idea of fitting morning sickness into that doesn't fill me with joy, but again nothing as yet. I guess I just work around it / eat at 5.30am with DH.

I'm so glad you both had tales of successful pregnancies after 40. I refuse to look up the stats on twin pregnancies, which I think also increase with age. I've scared myself enough for one day and we're not buying a bigger car. grin

DontCallMeJohnBoy Fri 01-Dec-17 15:58:37

Smelly, I do know of one 44 year old first time mum who went to term and had a healthy pregnancy. Her DD is at school now. I hope this one works out for you. How far along do you think you are?

jimijack Fri 01-Dec-17 16:07:12

Hi, I was 43 with my second, with a 10 year gap between children.

That miscarriage statistic is very scary.

For that reason, we did not tell anyone, especially our other child until I was 14 weeks an everything was going well.
Having to explain miscarriage to our son after the excitement of announcement was just too horrific to me.

I also felt strongly that saying it out loud to anyone would tempt fate. Having suffered multiple miscarriages, I knew only too well the trauma of having to explain to lots of people, I couldn't face it again.

I would advise caution x

hereagain99 Fri 01-Dec-17 16:19:37

First of all Congratulations!!!!!!!

I am also pregnant with an 8 year gap although not 40 yet, I am not too far either grin

Like jimijack we didn't tell our DD until week 14 when I couldn't hide my belly growing anymore and getting looks from DD. For me it's my fifth pregnancy and only one child so I am still weary that something could go completely wrong.

I would be very careful if I was in your position, although nothing has to happen how would you explained it to you DC if something goes wrong? It is hard for us as adults so imagine for them.

Good luck and fingers cross everything goes well for you

perfectpanda Fri 01-Dec-17 16:33:40

Congratulations!

I had dc3 unexpectedly at 44. He's 5 months now. Best of all my pregnancies and all good so far.

But that pregnancy did follow 3 miscarriages around the time I was 40, so I was very cautious about going public. My dds are 9 and 7. I would never have planned this age gap but at the moment it's wondedul. Dd1 got him up and dressed every day in half term. And they adore hum more than I ever imagined. Best of luck.

Smellybluecheese Fri 01-Dec-17 17:24:02

I’m only 4 weeks, very early days. I was feeling a bit odd / similar to how I’ve felt when I’ve been pregnant before but thought I was being paranoid as period wasn’t even due so just did the test to reassure myself I wasn’t pregnant & obviously that backfired a bit!

mummy2b17 Fri 01-Dec-17 18:33:10

I'm 45. Due this month smile

User45632874 Sat 02-Dec-17 12:02:07

DD3 due (all being well) one month before my 44th birthday. I suffered a late loss at 40. I also have two older dd's 11 and 4 and the gap between the 11 and 4 year old has worked out beautifully - they don't compete very much and care for each other; it's lovely to watch their interactions x
Personally, I wouldn't tell your dc at this point - as mentioned, I suffered a late loss and it was difficult dealing with dd1's questions about the loss and my own grief but that is just my own experience.
Incidentally, if this pregnancy works out, I will be over 40 and dh will be over 50. I had dd2 when I was nearly 40 (and had been given an infertility diagnosis - that I was very unlikely to have any more children after dd1) - it can happen - fingers crossed for both of us and all the other ladies on here, I wish you all the best x

DontCallMeJohnBoy Sat 02-Dec-17 12:09:10

Thank you all for your feedback. I explained the miscarriage stats to DH (he will be late 40s at due date and his age also seems to play a part) and he's agreed to hold off telling DS. He does keep checking if I'm ok though, and offering me food and then saying "oh, are you ok to eat it?" which DS hasn't picked up on, but I suspect the adult women in my extended family might rumble come Boxing Day. I'll be nursing the one, small, white wine spritzer all day that day, presuming I'm still pregnant come Christmas, as we're staying over so I can't just say I'm driving.

Fingers crossed it all goes ok. DH is slowly loosing his dazed expression from when I told him. smile

flowa79 Sat 02-Dec-17 20:26:20

Iv just turned 38 and expecting my 4th. I have 3 aged 20, 19 and 16 so quite a big age gap!!! Am 28+2 and due in feb 😊 im finding it scary as hell but am so much more relaxed and calm even tho i now have health issues. Congratulations x

poppypopsicle Sat 02-Dec-17 21:06:42

Congratulations on all the pgs. Its good to hear.
don'tcallmejohnboy I'm also 41 with a big age gap and pg with my 3rd. My 2 dc are 10 and 12. I had a mc 3 years ago. You're right about the over 40 stats being so scary. I have to avoid reading them. I didn't tell the dc till I was about 15 wks and didn't tell work till about 21 weeks. Still can't believe it even tho im now 35 wks. Worrying all the time....

Flumplet Sat 02-Dec-17 21:09:33

Congratulations!!

Nearly a 7 year gap here. I’m 18 weeks today with #2.

Lacey1987 Sat 02-Dec-17 22:48:49

Massive age gap for me DD is 12 and I’m 22 weeks grin

thumbelina03 Sun 03-Dec-17 09:07:17

41 here and first pregnancy. Currently 13+1. Scan all good and Harmony results all came back low risk. Step away from Google!!

Oldschool41 Sun 03-Dec-17 09:27:09

There is massive age gap between mine.... my oldest is 25 and my youngest is 21... this little bundle of joy will be here on Thursday by c section if I don't go into labour before 😀

HeadDreamer Sun 03-Dec-17 09:30:12

If it is possible I would keep it a secret as long as you can. Possibly till after 20week scan. DC2 was born a month before I turned 40 I was paranoid about the miscarriage and disability figures and didn’t want to disappoint DC1 until we are certain it was all fine.

So I understand totally where you cane from with the 40%.

HeadDreamer Sun 03-Dec-17 09:31:13

But really congratulations. I hope you everything worked out for your family. It did for us and DC2 was healthy and lively.

Esined1976 Sun 03-Dec-17 13:27:00

I'm 41 and 18 weeks pregnant. My husband is 48 and we have a daughter who's almost 11. This was a planned pregnancy. We got pregnant after 2 months of trying but that ended in a very early miscarriage at 4.5 weeks. Conceived again 10 days later and so far sogood, but I did assume the worst for the first few weeks and had two original fate scans before my 12-week one. My sickness and tiredness have been much worse this time than when I was 30, but that may just be variation between pregnancies rather than age. Also this one is a boy, so that may be a factor. Had to tell people much earlier than I wanted. I told work at 5.5 weeks because I was so ill and not functioning properly that I was worried they'd think I had an alcohol problem. We told our daughter and families after the twelve-week scan.

Esined1976 Sun 03-Dec-17 13:27:47

*two private scans

NooNooHead Sun 03-Dec-17 16:16:17

Me too.. another one joining! I am 11w with a much wanted DC2 after 6 and a half years... am impatiently waiting to get to my 12 week scan in a fortnight so I can rest a bit more easily!

I had a horrid year this year, one of the worst in my life. My DB passed away from cancer, and I had an ectopic so I will be thrilled if I get to my due date on 24th June and have my rainbow baby.

Good luck to everyone here! 😊

Loopylasso79 Sun 03-Dec-17 21:40:53

I'm 38, my son is 12 and I'm 16 weeks pregnant with my 2nd. Had two miscarriages hence the large gap. I didn't want to have regrets later in life.

bronwensia Thu 07-Dec-17 04:35:44

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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