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feeling very scared

(10 Posts)
lostfairy Thu 30-Nov-17 19:43:12

Hi there,

I just signed up so I have no idea where to post this thread or whatnot, forgive me if it's in the wrong category.

I'll be 23 in about two weeks and I've just over a week ago discovered I am pregnant. I've taken two at home tests, both positive. I estimate I must be between 6 and 7 weeks pregnant. I currently live with my boyfriend who is the same age as me at his Mother's house, we have recently been trying to find a place of our own.

I haven't told anyone about this yet, and currently I am feeling very alone and quite frankly terrified. We are very young and did not expect this to happen. My boyfriend doesn't seem that affected by it and he has said he will support me in whatever decision I make; however he seems to be leaning towards keeping the baby. I just don't know what to do and I'm a bit of a nervous wreck; when I envision either scenario (keeping it or terminating the pregnancy) I feel equally as distraught and miserable.

Neither of us are currently working, but my boyfriend does have savings. I have ambitions to go to University and travel, both of which I fear will end if I do have this baby. I just don't have any support here and I am hundreds of miles away from my family (who are catholic, which makes it worse). I keep nearly breaking down in tears. If somebody could please give me some advice, whatever it is, that would be a tremendous ease for my worrying.

pregz Thu 30-Nov-17 19:58:00

So sorry you're going through this thanks

I don't have much advice in terms of practicality but I can promise you whatever way you chose to go it won't be as bad as you think! This horrible feeling you have looming over you will go away..
having a baby doesn't mean the end to everything you ever wanted it just means taking a bit of a different route just the same as if you decide to end the pregnancy it doesn't make you a bad person nor should you feel guilty!

You should be able to find a local pregnancy advice service with a simple google or your local clinic can put you in touch with a councillor who is completely non-biased and you can talk through absolutely everything you're thinking / worried about!

Have a nice long chat with your boyfriend and please try to go easy on yourself ❤️

littlemisscomper Thu 30-Nov-17 20:00:53

Have you considered adoption at all? That would be an amazing thing to do if you don't feel ready to raise a child yourself.

danigrace Thu 30-Nov-17 20:01:05

Big big hugs @lostfairy flowers
Firstly I would say the decision needs to be yours personally based on how you feel about things, not on what your family may or may not think about your decision.
I have a friend who was in a similar situation and decided to go ahead with her pregnancy, her baby is almost 1 and she has just started at university, she gets financial support from the university as well as tax credits and works a few hours a week. She is madly in love with her baby and whilst things certainly aren't easy she wouldn't change anything. She also has travel plans. My partner and I also plan on going traveling with our baby and we have friends who have gone backpacking with a baby. My little sister and her partner got unexpectedly pregnant and quickly arranged their backpacking in Asia trip they always wanted to do - my parents were horrified but all was fine and she has some amazing pregnancy photos sat on an elephant in a lake!!
I don't tell you all this to try and sway you one way or another, just to let you know that even though things would be different and at times difficult, life certainly doesn't have to stop.
Whatever you decide, or even if you have not decided either way, make an appointment to see your doctor asap and look after yourself xx

Haggisfish Thu 30-Nov-17 20:01:57

I agree that whatever you choose won’t be as bad as you think. I have friends who were in your position-some carried to full term, some chose not to. All feel their decision was right for them. They may have the odd ‘what if’ moment or thought but most of us do!

Haggisfish Thu 30-Nov-17 20:03:04

And I have one friend who has a baby aged 19 in first year at uni-she got her degree and travelled the world and took baby to Glastonbury!! He is now a lovely young man.

danigrace Thu 30-Nov-17 20:03:32

@pregz I didn't realize there were counseling services like that. That sounds like a really good idea OP

pregz Thu 30-Nov-17 20:05:42

I didn't either , at the start of my pregnancy I was having similar thoughts to OP and I was able to speak to someone , I hope this is something that isn't just area specific and available to all!

Babybear1117 Thu 30-Nov-17 20:18:57

@lostfairy
First of all I am so sorry you are going through this.
Secondly like you I live with my partner and his parents at their home, we are currently looking for a house but no major rush just when the right thing comes along. We found out we are expecting 3 or so weeks ago so similarly to you.
All I will say is as others have you need to make this decision yourself and not let anyone push you in one direction or the other. The councillor that pregz mentioned sounds fantastic and I hope there is someone near you you can speak to!
I've found this forum to be absolutely amazing and the women on here are so kind and caring and will always be here wether it be to reassure you or answer what may seem a silly question so never worry about posting whatever it may be!
if I were you I'd contact your doctor and see if they can arrange someone you can speak to about everything, a listening ear so you can spill everything you need and make sense of it all. Although your parents are catholic I don't doubt they love you very much and will always want the best for you and they're future grandchild so if you feel you can talk to them then try if not anyone you can confide in is great.
Good luck and I hope you feel better soon!

hollowtree Thu 30-Nov-17 20:30:19

Hi OP. I'm sorry you're scared. I don't have much in the way of advice for you, but my story is similar. So me and my DH had been together 3 months when we found out I was pregnant. He lived with his parents, I lived with mine. We decided we wanted to make it work so we got married and moved in to a flat while I was pregnant and now we have a lovely little baby girl and couldn't be happier.

I had known my partner since school and knew that we were right for each other so that played a huge part in our decision to keep our baby. If you don't feel the same, you still have the choice to go ahead and try or equally many single mum's make great parents and do an amazing job. Of course you also always have the option not to be a mum just yet. Which is absolutely and perfectly ok. Good luck, let us know how you are doing xx

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