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MIL rant. Antisocial maternity leave

(44 Posts)
Hannabee123 Thu 30-Nov-17 15:18:56

I hate people

3 weeks til I'm due and I just want to be left alone to sleep and get things done.

I have a dog which my mother in law insists on picking up in the morning and dropping off in the afternoon since I've been on leave.
When she picks him up he barks and jumps and is just awful so I've been shutting him in the kitchen until he calms down.
She will make comments about this and she will sit there hugging and kissing him and calling him baby and just enforcing every bad behaviour which i am trying to stop.
I don't want him barking and bouncing all.over the house when the baby's here in the living room as he just gets way too excited at visitors and runs around like an idiot.
I can't take it. It's making me hate the dog and making me hate her. My view is if my MIL can't reinforce a dogs behaviour I don't want her anywhere near my baby. She has expressed several times that she will be lingering like a bad fart.

Is it bad that I just want to be left the hell alone!?? I don't sleep at night I'm tired I feel like a whale and I can't take this shit anymore 😐

Should I tell my partner to start dropping the dog off in the morning before he goes to work? I can't seem to be left alone and she must have the dog.
I can't tolerate any of this. If she wants to mother the dog she can do it at her house and suffer the noise and consequences.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry Thu 30-Nov-17 15:20:37

Do it

Bucketsandspoons Thu 30-Nov-17 15:23:20

Argh, poor you. As owner of another lunatic visitor greeter, do you have a crate? In terms of the bigger picture can you stick him in the crate with something tasty before she arrives and when the baby comes so he can't do the leaping around and flapping when you're really not up to dealing with it? (Or maybe you can pop MiL in the crate with a box of Quality Street?)

The getting dp to drop off the dog sounds like the best plan right now.
flowers Of course you want to be left the hell alone right now.

RatherBeRiding Thu 30-Nov-17 15:23:51

Why has she taken over the dog? Is it an excuse to be in and out of the house every day - so she's got a ready made excuse when the baby arrives?

MegEmski Thu 30-Nov-17 15:25:27

Could you put a stop to her having the dog unless she abides by your rules? Or is it a great help to you her having the dog?
Get you DH to put his foot down as well!

PinglePongle Thu 30-Nov-17 15:27:47

Tell her to get her own dog

Her attention will soon move to your baby which she will insist on coming to her house too before you know it

Hannabee123 Thu 30-Nov-17 15:29:33

She wouldn't she gives me a hard time shutting him in the kitchen and acts like she's leaving with him so.i will let him out of the kitchen and then she stays and mothers him while he is going nuts and it does my head in. Then she has the nerve to say poor dog being shut behind that door!!

I don't know!!! This is what i fear because o do not want this routine when the baby is here because I have to wait for her to call me, she comes over so I have to be up and ready with the dog and then i have to deal with the madness and i just can't be arsed. Especially when I have a baby on my hands and I'm not wrestling with a dog after birth.

I'm going to talk to my partner tonight and if she insists on coming to get the dog he has to be dropped off in the morning.

I don't want her anywhere near my child the way I feel at the moment. The dogs sulking in the hallway cos she's just dropped him off and colossaly annoyed me

Foxsox Thu 30-Nov-17 15:30:21

Can you put up with having the dog yourself?
I'd out abstipnto her having it
That will give you time to calm it down and get it back to your method before baby.
Failing that yes to DP dropping dog off and collecting.

Hannabee123 Thu 30-Nov-17 15:32:18

She looked after him while we were both working now insists on having him now I'm off and I want her to go away and I don't want her doing this with the baby here sticking her head in every day. 😠

PinglePongle Thu 30-Nov-17 15:34:46

Just say as your at home all day with him now she can have a 9 month break, alternatively get him dropped off and say that the reason is you may be asleep when she calls round because of the baby

RatherBeRiding Thu 30-Nov-17 15:36:06

It would annoy me too. I think you have two options - which your DP will have to relay to MIL seeing as she's his mother.

1. Don't let her take the dog AT ALL if you can cope with daily dog walks.
2. Let her continue looking after the dog but he is ALWAYS dropped at hers by DP.

Set the boundaries now before baby arrives.

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 30-Nov-17 15:36:21

Sounds like she’s being a pain about the dog but you’re massively overreacting about the baby, to not want her ‘anywhere near’ the baby just because she fusses your dog too much is not proportionate.

If you don’t like the arrangement just stop it, just say either DH drops the dog over to her or the dog stays with you.

I totally understand the feeling of being invaded when people come to your house uninvited but now is the time to set some boundaries. She can’t linger like bad fart unless you let her, but you may find when the baby comes along you will appreciate having someone there to hold baby while you have a shower etc. I think you’re panicking about her being invasive and letting it get blown up in your head.

Hannabee123 Thu 30-Nov-17 15:41:03

Yeah I am panicking alot about when the baby is here you are right with that one.

I just hate her

I'm going to talk to my partner your right it's not a good routine to stay in at all

CL1982 Thu 30-Nov-17 16:16:26

OP - she sounds a bloody nightmare but possibly a well meaning nightmare which is almost worse! Just a suggestion but can you sit her down and let her know a) What is upsetting you and b) why it is? If she storms out you can honestly say you tried to talk it out like adults but hopefully she'll listen and take it on board. She possibly has no idea her behaviour is affecting you like this and thinks she is honestly helping you. If you can find a way to reinforce the good ("it's wonderful that you want to help me and i appreciate the thought behind it") while using passive language that can't offend ("I know you don't mean to but when you do x it makes me feel y") you may be able to get her acting more reasonably....

Maybe write it down and then read it out to her so she can see how it's affecting you. It shouldn't really be any of your partner's business. This is between you and his mum - not him and his mum. Good luck!

There are times when i'm not unhappy that i don't live near either set of parents.....gawd bless 'em.....

Tinselistacky Thu 30-Nov-17 16:22:43

Surely the best plan is to get your dog into a good calm routine with you? Not saying your mil is a conniving bitch but this calling in every day business is going to be her routine but to see the baby not the dog -
then you really are going to go nuts. Also the dog is going to be dropped like a bag of shit then too. He needs a new routine now before the baby arrives not at the same time.
Tell dh he needs to be firm and tell her she is being retired from dog duty until further notice.
Keep baby visiting to when your dh is home too then he can back you should she be a nightmare dgm!!

Howsthings1234 Thu 30-Nov-17 18:07:19

It does sound really stressful. Try to be calm and just explain that you are exhausted, not sleeping and really need some space in the next few weeks to rest. Say your dp will be dropping the dog off at hers from now on so you can stay in bed and rest in the quiet. Surely she will understand that you don't want that stress every morning and the dog getting wound up!

If she does insist on keep coming round To get the dog herself I would ask her to just collect the dog and go quietly and say you will not be coming down as you want to stay in bed and rest.

KCpip Thu 30-Nov-17 18:26:27

Just say you want to get the dog into a good routine with you before baby arrives and maybe ask if she could take it on specific days to give you a break. Would that work? Or if you’re coping with the dog, say she doesn’t need to take him at all. If it makes you feel any better I’m at a similar stage as you and also have this intense feeling of just wanting to be left alone!! But with holiday season here I feel it’s going to be an ongoing battle to get any time to myself! flowers

ICanNeverThinkOfAGoodUsrname Thu 30-Nov-17 19:23:35

This would annoy me too. As helpful as she was before you were off work it's just not helpful now and, in fact, the arrangement is having the opposite affect.

If she is insistent on looking after the dog still then definitel have your partner drop the dog to her. You don't want or need her coming in every day, creating havoc.

Hannabee123 Thu 30-Nov-17 22:50:59

The dog is already unsettled with the routine and acting more clingy and stressed. I love him to bits but he's way too loud and bouncy with guests.

Update
My partner spoke to his mum on his way home from work and apparently she was angry, crying (I guess slagging me off) and he came back in a mood. He wasn't angry with me, he totally gets where I'm coming from and he's said that his mom will have a go at him when he has tried to correct the dog and calm him down with the excessive barking. He said that there is no telling her and she will not admit she is doing anything wrong.

I feel bad him getting the stress off his mother but I'm glad he sees things from my point of view. I think she hates me but I can't honestly say I care a great deal at the moment.

She has insisted on the dog still so the dog will be dropped off to her in the morning. I've said I'm perfectly capable of taking the dog, walks would just be short and sweet during the day. She's not having any of it. I wish she would just take the dog instead of causing hassle or buy her own.

I told my OH if she really has an issue she can speak to me. The routine I'm in is a load of crap I'm constantly waiting on her and then being critesised for correcting the dog and getting him more settled. Is rather just sleep and be left alone.
It could be my last week childless as I'm facing an early induction maybe as early as next week so I just want to get my head / stuff together

Expectingbsbunumber2 Thu 30-Nov-17 22:59:21

Oh god that would piss me off having that every day! Get your dp to have a word with her, she sounds like a nightmare. Just tell her you would like some peace to relax on your own but then again she might be like well I will come and take the dog for you

Howsthings1234 Fri 01-Dec-17 08:56:38

That's good that your husband is dropping the dog to her this morning - let's hope it makes things calmer for you and you can enjoy a few days only peace and quiet!!!

Tinselistacky Fri 01-Dec-17 10:43:08

Please remind dh if the dog isn't calm and behaving in your home now then having dog +baby is a whole bunch of new issues. You mil really isn't helping and he needs to reclaim your bloody dog ASAP. Send her in the direction of Dogs Trust....

Hannabee123 Fri 01-Dec-17 10:54:59

I know he is luckily a really lovely and good dog it's just the visitors and people coming to the house. I really have been trying my best wrestling him from the door and carting him off to calm down a little. I tried asking her to ignore him jumping / barking and turning away but she doesn't. She just treats him with loads of fuss and tells me off for correcting it!

I really do have no say in keeping the dog as she is just too much and too controlling. I will just have to work with him on weekends and if the baby's here she can again either take him in the morning or not at all.

I'm trying to think of the dogs routine as much as mine because it must suck for him too. I just want to be left alone by her though her daily mass phone calls and visits and crap over the dog just doesn't feel worth arguing over or wasting my energy on.

I hope she does hate me it will stop her coming by all the time when I have the baby

Tinselistacky Fri 01-Dec-17 11:20:12

Maybe your mobile will go on the blink and her messages won't get through. Leave dh to deal with her 100%...

BertrandRussell Fri 01-Dec-17 11:23:08

So she looked after your dog while you were at work, but now you're not at work you want her to go away?

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