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Advice needed. 2 difffent fathers.

(9 Posts)
Abnolan Thu 30-Nov-17 00:46:41

Hi all, Im in serious need of advice.
So I'm 23, with a 3 year old daughter. Me and her father split due to him cheating when she was newborn-which I have problems still with her father.
Now, I have just found out I'm pregnant, and I'm freaking out as they arnt the same fathers and I'm single. The thought of abortion has crossed my mind a fair few times already, but I don't think I could live with myself if I do so.
I'm not ready for another baby, nor do I want one. We was using protection which obviously had failed, the man knows and said he will support me no matter my decision but he has made it clear it isn't the best for us both. We are not together, we used to be going back 2 years or so, but it never worked out but niether of us ever found anyone else so shamefully we carried on sleeping together... and now this,
I know he would support the baby if we was to continue with the pregnancy but The thought of going into a pregnancy alone scares me, as I already have a child. My head is royalty up my own a**e and I can't stop crying. I know the best thing to do is have s termination but I honestly keep flipping between yes I can do this and then absoultey not.
Please help 😓😓😓

ScotsLamb Thu 30-Nov-17 06:58:23

Sounds like you already have a decision in your head. Go with what you feel is best for you and your family.
If now is not the time for another baby then don't have it. You need to think of your mental well-being of being a single mum of a newborn and toddler.

LucyDolly Thu 30-Nov-17 08:37:20

Hi I did post a long reply at 6am this morning but it doesn't seem to have worked.

Anyway I would say take a good few days to let the news sink in and really think. There is no immediate rush .

DONT keep the baby just because of anyone else's promises.

you said 'nor do i want one' if after time to think this is still your opinion then maybe now is not the time.

If this is the case try not to beat yourself up about it , Its your body and your choice xx

Dozer Thu 30-Nov-17 08:41:54

If you have the baby it seems sensible to assume you’ll be single with the vast majority of the responsibility and cost.

PigPigDogDog Thu 30-Nov-17 08:43:11

Like Lucy said, never have a baby for someone else.

You need to ask yourself how your life will change, and the life of your current child and a future child. How will it affect you and your daughter?

Are you prepared to do this alone? Can you support three of you mentally and financially?

Abortions are really not scary. They're hard for a little while, but there are also many many many women who don't regret their abortion at all.

starsandstri Thu 30-Nov-17 08:57:25

I wanted to comment to say that at 18 I got pregnant with my ex and I made the decision on my own to abort because it was not the right time for us, but more importantly me. It didn't feel right and I was lore scared of continuing with the pregnancy than getting the procedure. I coped with it well and to this day it was totally the right decision. I broke up with my ex a year or two later as he was controlling and made me the worst version of myself.

Fast forward 5 years and I'm now 6 months pregnant with the most amazing man who I have been with for 3 years and it all just feels right. I was excited the second I found out.

Basically my point is that, if it doesn't feel right then don't force yourself into a life that you've admitted yourself you don't really want.. when it's right you feel right about it, and there's a good chance you won't regret any decision you make if it's the right one for you. Try and think of yourself in 5 years time, and what you want for your life?

thanksthanks

starsandstri Thu 30-Nov-17 08:58:35

Excuse the spelling errors! blush

PigPigDogDog Thu 30-Nov-17 09:09:25

Basically my point is that, if it doesn't feel right then don't force yourself into a life that you've admitted yourself you don't really want.. when it's right you feel right about it, and there's a good chance you won't regret any decision you make if it's the right one for you

This is bang on.

Peregrane Fri 01-Dec-17 13:27:21

Just wanted to also add support from the other side. If you feel abortion is not for you - as you said you don't think you could live with yourself if you did it - don't feel pressured into it. I know people who have had abortions over 30 years ago and the emotional pain is still raw enough for them that they cry about it. You are a single parent already so that won't change, and the second father is at least prepared to give you some support. These people might also be good to talk to lifecharity.org.uk/ (disclaimer, I don't have any personal experience with them)

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