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Asking partner to stop drinking

(13 Posts)
Hannabee123 Wed 29-Nov-17 18:14:23

So alot had happened in the past few weeks. My partner came back home with a bag full of booze and I've gone mad and now I'm stupidly upset. I'm over 36 weeks and asked him to stop drinking as I may be induced as early as next week and have to keep a very close eye on movements.
I've been terrified my anxiety has been awful and I've not been sleeping worrying about my baby.

He is NOT an alcoholic i'l put that out there. Just enjoys a drink / thought having some beers would help him cope with lots of stuff going wrong.

Am I being totally unreasonable being so angry and hurt?

dkb15164 Wed 29-Nov-17 19:35:09

Not at all! I'm 20+3 weeks at the moment and if my partner brought home a load of beers I would call his dad to come pick them up immediately especially if I was at 36 weeks! I'm fine with my partner having a few drinks when we're out or letting him go for a few pints with his mates but to let him sit infront of the TV with me drinking while I can't? I'd think I'd have gone mad! Would drive me nuts, especially as your due date is approaching and presumably he is supposed to be your ride to the hospital/birthing suite etc. Even if you're doing a homebirth, an emergency probably means he's best driving if he can.

Expectingbsbunumber2 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:12:02

I don't see the harm in him having a couple in the house when he's with you as long as he's not getting absolutely pissed? If your due to get induced possibly next week then surely he won't drink at all then?

MagicMoneyTree Wed 29-Nov-17 20:12:38

No, you’re not. I’m not due till Jan and DH has said he’s not drinking after his work do on 9th December. In my last pregnancy, I remember him being vaguely tempted by some night out that was being arranged. I told him in no uncertain terms, if he ended up being pissed when I went into labour he wouldn’t be coming with me into the delivery room. He turned down the night out once that had sunk in. It’s hard right now because the conversation should ideally happen when you’re both calm and composed and if he’s been out and bought the booze already the tension is already there. He’s being selfish but all you can do is (as calmly as you possibly can) explain the kind of support you’re expecting from him, point out how drinking could potentially impact that and outline the consequences for him (ie missing the birth of his child) if he’s too pissed to be the kind of birth partner you need. X

welshweasel Wed 29-Nov-17 20:14:58

I don’t see a problem with him having some beers, assuming you don’t live in the middle of nowhere with no taxis/friends!

TwinkleStars15 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:18:21

I don’t see the harm in a beer or two in an evening, as long as he’s not planning to consume the whole lot! He is his own person and has to make his own decisions and as one of the PP’s said, if he makes the decision to drink then he risks missing the birth, hopefully he wouldn’t even contemplate that happening. But it’s not a case of “letting him”, hopefully that’s just badly worded hmm

Good luck OP, how exciting!

Hannabee123 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:23:43

We're in the countryside and the hospital is an hour away due to possible placenta problems I've got to keep vigilant with movements until nextweek when an induction decisions going to be made after a scan. Anxiety very high and my family live 2 hours away and I'm just scared of being stuck or having to drive myself or something. I can't help feeling angry at him

MagicMoneyTree Wed 29-Nov-17 20:59:41

I’d be angry too. It’s not like you’ve asked him to stop for the whole 9 months. I don’t think a couple of weeks in the run up to your due date when you’re clearly anxious about how things will go is too much to ask, personally. Does he realise how worried you are?

Wolfiefan Wed 29-Nov-17 21:16:51

If he thought having some beers would help him cope then he does have an alcohol problem. Alcohol is not a healthy coping mechanism.

thingymaboob Wed 29-Nov-17 23:07:35

My husband has been the total opposite. We live in the city centre and live a 5/10 minute drive from hospital and he's not drinking more than 1 beer when he goes out just in case. It's his birthday on the weekend and he said he's not drinking at all in case we need to go to the hospital. I'm 34 weeks so I think he's being very over cautious.

mindutopia Thu 30-Nov-17 09:23:52

At that point, no, I don't think you're being unreasonable in making sure he never has more than a drink or maybe two here and there so that he is always able to drive you.

From 36 weeks, I ask my husband not to have more than 2 drinks. We don't drink at all during the week anyway (well, I mean normally, obviously I don't drink at all right now), but on the weekends he might normally have about 3-4 beers on a Friday and Saturday night. I'm having a home birth again, so all things being fine, he won't need to drive me anywhere anyway and if he does it's probably realistically an emergency situation and the ambulance would be called by the midwives anyway. But drinking loads is not conducive to making good decisions or being awake for 48 hours at a time, both of which partners may need to do when baby arrives.

So I think having a drink or two on occasion (not every night, but a couple nights a week) is fine if he is still able to drive like that. My dh would be fine driving after 2 beers consumed over the course of several hours. I don't think it's realistic to say no alcohol at all, as long as he's able to stop after 1-2 and it's not every single day.

MagicMoneyTree Thu 30-Nov-17 19:22:14

I get what you’re saying mind but why he can’t just have zero beers for a couple of weeks is beyond me?! It shouldn’t be a huge ask given that many women give up completely for the duration of their pregnancy. The thought of getting a whiff of beer off my husbands breath while giving birth makes me feel a bit sick. Really don’t see why he can’t just wait a few weeks - especially given that his other half is clearly very anxious about what’s going to happen.

mindutopia Thu 30-Nov-17 19:35:33

I agree it shouldn’t be a big deal, but 1-2 beers over the course of several hours is pretty much the same as no beers, so I don’t think there’s much difference. Unless he has a drinking problem and can’t just have 1-2 once or twice a week or is a lightweight and couldn’t drive. I think my concern would only be if it’s a situation that would cascade into him being completely drunk and not able to function.

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