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Pregnancy and bump bonding

(38 Posts)
HAYZ0 Tue 28-Nov-17 17:45:03

So I was wondering what do other fellow pregger mothers do to bond with there baby? My midwife has concerns because I dont chat or sing to my bump. Should I be worried I dont feel the need to?

SweetheartTreacleTart Tue 28-Nov-17 17:50:22

Strange that your midwife has concerns about that. I've never even been asked. I say a few words to my bump every now and then, but no idea if it helps or whether the baby takes anything in lol. I just do it for fun. I see nothing wrong with not doing it at all.

rachelracket Tue 28-Nov-17 17:54:43

that is so silly. don't worry about it.

ArkadyRose Tue 28-Nov-17 18:10:22

Good grief. What on earth is your midwife on?? I can honestly say I have never chatted or sang to my bump in any of my pregnancies!

ICanNeverThinkOfAGoodUsrname Tue 28-Nov-17 18:43:45

That's weird, mine has never asked me if I don't or talk to my bump (I don't by the way).

Don't fret about it.

ICanNeverThinkOfAGoodUsrname Tue 28-Nov-17 18:44:00

Sing or talk*

HAYZ0 Tue 28-Nov-17 18:44:48

That's alright then I am normal lol. I think it's really odd thing to have said to me

Expectingbsbunumber2 Tue 28-Nov-17 19:04:11

My midwife hasn't once asked. Very strange to say she's concerned! I talk to mine sometimes. Don't worry about it

Hotpinkangel19 Tue 28-Nov-17 19:31:32

Never been asked in all 4 pregnancies???

Foggymist Tue 28-Nov-17 20:23:23

Singing or chatting to my own stomach seems absurd and I have never done it, bonded perfectly well with both sons! Ignore her.

MamehaSan Tue 28-Nov-17 21:09:17

My mw seemed keen for me to sing to my bump during my last pregnancy. Seriously, the baby would not have wanted to hear me singing...

In terms of what else was great for bonding, I loved going to the NCT Relax, Stretch and Breathe classes (basically ante natal yoga). It was a couple of hours a week to focus on my baby and forget all the rushing around of day-to-day life.

DryHeave Tue 28-Nov-17 21:12:01

I wonder if this is a new initiative? Currently (very) pregnant and midwives have been asking me if I talk to/sing to bump.

hmyh23 Tue 28-Nov-17 21:12:38

Mine said this to me too! I feel like a dick doing it! I'm pretty sure the baby is used to my voice as it has to listen to me teaching all day!

katmarie Tue 28-Nov-17 21:15:09

Never been asked! I don't sing to my bump, I do talk to it occasionally, only since that seems slightly less daft than talking to myself!

Loosemoose28 Tue 28-Nov-17 21:40:29

Its a new-ish question added to others to help maybe identify any indicators for post natal or ante natal depression. The question alone won't identify any concerns- individual basis. You prob do chat to bump without realising. Im always asking mine what have we gone to Sainburys for lol.

It is also just to heighten awareness that baby does hear you and his/ her siblings.

Oysterbabe Tue 28-Nov-17 22:17:50

I leave the bonding until they have arrived.

giraffesareok Tue 28-Nov-17 22:34:26

I don’t talk to the bump - feels ridiculous; but I do talk to the cat, which my DM says is just as pointlesssmile. This does mean the babies will be used to hearing me say things like “are you peckish, sweetheart?” and “what’s all that shouting about?” which will probably be the same things they hear from me for a while! (Also “GET DOWN FROM THERE” which will doubtless come in later on)

I have heard babies are soothed by hearing sounds they heard in the womb: which means an incessantly yowling cat may have his uses after all it’s a nicer noise than me singing anyway

HAYZ0 Tue 28-Nov-17 22:58:52

Must be new questions as I never got asked when pregnant with my first 2.
My baby will be listening to the family life she will soon be joining...she will probably not want to come out lol.
I do feel an utter dick talking or singing to my bump...sadly its just not for me.
I enjoy buying her baby clothes though...thats good enough bonding for me at this stage

squizita Thu 30-Nov-17 07:11:08

There is no need to do that.

I really really hope your midwife never has to deal with a yellow folder case after multiple loss. We are really weird about our bumps in a vast array of ways, for obvious reasons. It would be horrendous to be told we are damaging and probably damage mums mental health. angry

squizita Thu 30-Nov-17 07:13:36

Loosemoose it's the kind of question thay would trigger (massively under diagnosed) clinical anxiety though? Really it is not one to band about merrily with limited mh training.
I am so glad I was pregnant in London in a specialist unit, or I would have had serious issues. "Should" talk is NOT the same as bonding.

belgina Thu 30-Nov-17 08:03:03

As midwives we are now encouraged to get mums to start to think of the baby as a person before birth, to encourage bonding and start a good nursing relationship straight from birth. However, I don’t think not talking to your baby means you aren’t bonding. It’s all about how you talk about your baby and how you plan for the day he/she’s born and life with a baby. I certainly bonded with my bumps, but never talked out loud or sang to them. That just makes me feel like an idiot. I may have had the odd chat in my mind though. Mainly along the “get off my bladder” lines.

CL1982 Thu 30-Nov-17 09:06:55

I wouldn't even know where to start with singing to my bump 😳 Don't worry!! I do the odd chat when I'm alone and he/she gives me a good kick. But I don't... you know.... do concentrated song time.

Research says babies memories last 6 weeks tops and that's at the end of the pregnancy-it's less the earlier you get. I reckon if you're going to do that stuff do it at the end in the last month? I will have a token go at playing some classical music but I'm not 100% sure I'll be singing until the baby is here!

Kmackerd Thu 30-Nov-17 10:17:05

I didnt its felt a bit off when I tried. My midwife did suggest it and some of my friends did it but it wasnt for me. You are growing a baby inside you for almost 10 months, how much more bonding do they think you need?

QueenAravisOfArchenland Thu 30-Nov-17 10:48:29

I've got to be honest, I think this is totally mental and a massive overstep by midwives. Ok, I can believe that women who sing and talk to their bumps are bonding with them well, but it doesn't follow that women who don't sing and talk to them aren't bonding or that this has any validity as an actual diagnostic question to women. Not to mention overlooking the women who are deliberately holding themselves back from bonding, although they'd love to, because of previous losses. (perhaps women who lie in the affirmative to midwives about this question because they are so worried about what people will think of them as mothers are more likely to get PND?)

If my midwife asks me this, she's going to get a flat look and an "Are you kidding?" Honestly, antenatal care can feel incredibly infantilising, and this is one of those times.

mindutopia Thu 30-Nov-17 12:08:41

That's really weird honestly and fairly unprofessional. I think it's entirely normal to not especially bond with baby when you're pregnant. I mean, you shouldn't be in complete denial that you are in fact going to have a baby, but life goes on to. People are traveling and working and managing busy lives and other children. I'm lucky I get to eat three meals a day and get regular exercise and take my vitamins. There's no time for singing or chatting or reading. Babies hear your voice all day long and feel your heart beating. That's soothing and lovely for them, but you don't need to be sitting around trying to bond. You'll have years for that.

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