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I don't want to do my hospital bag...

(22 Posts)
LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Fri 24-Nov-17 10:58:11

Ds was born at 35 weeks, after my waters went around 34 weeks. We were really lucky - he was absolutely fine and didn't even need to go to the SCBU. But the whole thing was very worrying and I think I was slightly traumatized by it. I didn't have a hospital bag ready and I remember crying in the hospital when they asked me if I had any clothes for the baby and didn't!

I'm now 27 weeks with dd and I have been told that there's a pretty good chance that she may come early too. I had an awful nightmare last night about my waters breaking early - like they did last time - but her arriving so fast that we didn't have time to get to hospital and knowing that at 27 weeks if we couldn't get to hospital she wasn't going to survive... argh. It was so real. I woke up crying.

Anyway, this morning I realised that I really should start getting a hospital bag together. Given this time around I know that there's a chance she could be early, I should really have my bag ready by maybe 30 weeks. I suppose I should also pull out the crib, sort out a car seat etc. I just feel so, so sad that I'm having to prepare for a baby who might have to come before she is ready.

Did anyone else have to do this? Did it make you sad or am I just being overly-emotional over this? Did your baby actually come early? It would really help to hear from somebody who felt the same way but who got their big girl pants on and got everything ready for any eventuality!

BigBaboonBum Fri 24-Nov-17 11:14:45

My best friend was told the same thing, hers came earlier than yours though but she was actually warned that she probably shouldn’t have children again as it caused complications for her too. Anyway she decided to have another one anyway, and like you was told the baby would likely come early... well, he didn’t! In fact he was late. In fact 3 children later and they all came late!
I think you should get your things together ASAP just as my friend did, just to make sure and ensure that everything is perfectly ready just in case....just have a day doing it, you might even find it fun in the end! but don’t think about the fact it could be early as it simply may not even happen, if it does then you’re prepared and have everything ready to go. I had post natal depression with my eldest and I’m hobestly sure one of the reasons I began spiralling was because I just didn’t feel ready due to not having things prepared... second time I was very prepared and I was elated the entire time! Good luck flowers

mindutopia Fri 24-Nov-17 11:39:08

I think it's possible that once you do it, you may actually find it all very reassuring to know you have it, but can put it away so it's out of sight and you don't have to think about it. My 1st wasn't early, but she was on the early side of term (37 weeks). I had a home birth, but we had to go in a couple days later because she had a lot of weight gain issues the first few months. I'd packed a hospital bag just to be sure and even though it wasn't an emergency situation and we did have an hour or so to get ready, I was really glad I had it. I didn't have to think too hard about what I needed because all the essentials were already ready to go.

This time around I expect it's possible I could go early (35/36 weeks). My intuition last time said I'd be about 37/38 weeks and as 2nd babies tend to come sooner, I just have a gut feeling it's a possibility. I'm planning another home birth, but in the event he's too early, I'll have a bag packed by 34 weeks. I imagine it is sad and emotional (I find it stressful more than anything else as we don't easily have childcare for an urgent rush to hospital, so I'd have to go on my own), but at least you can know you'll have what you need and you can get your head around it all and know you've planned as much as you can for whatever happens. And then put the bag out of sight and try not to think about it again. Easier said than done though, I'm sure.

bettydraper31 Fri 24-Nov-17 13:00:47

Following as my DD was born at 33 weeks and now 18 weeks with baby 2. Best of luck OP c

allchatnicknamesgone Fri 24-Nov-17 13:32:30

If you have a partner, make him do it! Explain how you feel and lie on the bed and let him to do. In fact I make mine pack the bag anyway because he can't find my purse in my normal handbag let alone something in a maternity bag and that's the last thing I need in labour. It's worked well both times when I've shouted 'get the f-ing flannel'.
Stay positive and yes...just do it and put them in the cupboard and try and get on with everyday life as best you can.
Good luck. Hope you go full term. x

Oysterbabe Fri 24-Nov-17 13:37:29

Did they find a reason why your first was early? DD came at 35 weeks after my waters went. I'm currently 37 weeks with #2 and they said while there was a slightly higher chance of this one being early too it was far from a given. I don't feel like it's going to show up imminently tbh!
Pack your bag and try and stay calm. I've enjoyed packing mine this time and filling it with things I wish I'd had the first time, food mostly!

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Fri 24-Nov-17 13:46:01

I do just need to get on with it, don't I? I've got all the 'tiny baby' sized sleepsuits we bought for ds once he arrived - looking at them makes me feel a bit panicky - he was so small.

Doing the bag and then putting it out of sight is a good idea.

Getting DH to do it is, in theory a good idea, but part of the reason I want to do it myself this time is because of the hospital bag he packed for me last time around! I was in hospital and he went back home to get some things for me - highlights included a bikini, no pyjamas and some of his t-shirts. In my post-birth pics with ds I am wearing a New England brewery t-shirt! grin

Oysterbabe, no, they never found out why ds came early. I thought it was a case of a 'slightly higher chance' with this one, and was quite relaxed about it. But when I saw the consultant she said there was a 'very good chance' that dd will arrive at about the same time as ds. Did they ever find out why your dd came early? Are you being scanned every two weeks from a certain point? They are apparently going to scan me every weeks from 32 weeks...

Duckstar Fri 24-Nov-17 13:46:22

My second was born at 35 weeks and was rapid labour. I have work at a hospital near my work.

I was warned with my 3rd very high risk of coming early. Was given steroids and had was told I had to ring ambulance (as both were breach). I am a control freak so I got everything ready by 28 weeks. I then changed the baby clothes when I got to 32 weeks and 35 weeks. I also had a bag packed for my other 2 as we have no local family so they would have to go to friends. Getting things ready made me feel more in control. After all that DD arrived by ELCS at 38 weeks. She wasn’t budging!

Dunzo Fri 24-Nov-17 14:06:25

That sounds really stressful. I suppose you just have to be logical about it. Packing a bag, putting a car seat in a car, these things are not going to affect when your baby arrives. Nature/health/medicine will decide that. All it will do is ensure you are prepared if it does happen and it will hopefully be a lot less stressful second time round. flowers

KadabrasSpoon Fri 24-Nov-17 14:12:09

I had similar in that when I had DS at 35 weeks I had no bag and one midwife was so horrible about it!
Second time I got my bag ready around 25 weeks. I found it quite reassuring in a way as the bag was something I had control over. DD was born at 39 weeks in the end.
I think it's a sensible idea even for women with no prem history as you never know if a short stay might be required whilst still pregnant and it's quite nice to have your own things (I had a couple of days hospital bed rest )

All the best - pregnancy after a previously complicated one is an anxious time. I also found the extra month very welcome but incredibly weird feeling!

SelmaAndJubjub Fri 24-Nov-17 14:16:35

Can you grit your teeth: do it all quickly, but then hide the stuff away so you don’t have to look at it? As someone who once had to spend 3 weeks living in clothes DH had packed for me, I’d say it will be considerably less stressful in the long-run to pack it yourself wink

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Fri 24-Nov-17 14:40:16

Duckstar, yes, of course I'll have to change the baby clothes in the bag - hadn't thought of that!

Maybe it will make me feel more in control. I'm usually a total control freak too, but for some reason with this I just want to bury my head in the sand!

I also have a low-lying placenta which is adding to the list of things I'm not in control of and which are totally freaking me out! In my head, I'm like what if she comes early, fast and my placenta hasn't moved??

It's true that I need to be logical about it and packing a hospital bag won't make her come any faster or slower. I get so anxious during pregnancy that I don't want to get anything ready in case something awful happens and I have to un-do it all...

I had similar in that when I had DS at 35 weeks I had no bag and one midwife was so horrible about it! Yes! One mid-wife actually treated me as though I was some sort of a negligent parent for not having clothes, a hat and a blanket for the baby!

After all of this, I'll probably end up being induced at 42 weeks! grin

Oysterbabe Fri 24-Nov-17 16:31:47

No reason found for my early one either. I had scans at 28, 32 and 36 weeks. At 36 weeks everything was still looking normal so the consultant said he doesn't need to see me again and just wait for the baby to show up. They estimated the weight at 7lbs 1 at last scan so I've just ditched the tiny baby clothes.

There's a good chance yours won't be early so try not to panic.

BrioAmio Fri 24-Nov-17 16:34:49

I didn’t get a chance to pack a bag the first time (premmie) so second time around bag was packed at 24 weeks.... baby was overdue!

KadabrasSpoon Fri 24-Nov-17 16:38:17

OP that's why DS was prem - low lying placenta. Another reason to pack a bag is if it remains low you might need bed rest in hospital. Which is simultaneously boring and like trying to sleep in a busy train station.

AnUtterIdiot Fri 24-Nov-17 17:39:35

I am 35 weeks pregnant with twins (36 on Sunday) and everyone, but everyone, constantly warned me that they could come as early as 28 weeks. It's bloody depressing, isn't it? I knew I needed a hospital bag but I couldn't make myself pack anything. I eventually packed enough stuff for the twins at 32 weeks and toiletries but no clothes for them or me (will put theirs in tonight and snatch mine from the dryer when the time comes no doubt). We didn't pick up car seats until last week 😶 but that was because we were collecting (thoroughly checked and safe) car seats from a friend.

What I will say is that the whole hospital bag thing buzzed constantly in my head. It's better just to get it packed and done. You will actually feel more ready and optimistic, not less, once you have done it. I definitely do.

bathghter Fri 24-Nov-17 19:41:56

i didn't have my hospital bag packed when my son came 1 week early. 👀. my DP was packing it at 1am while i vomited and howled at him to get me to hospital. he'd only been asking me to pack it for 4 or 5 weeks by that point. he took it like a champ.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Fri 24-Nov-17 22:00:44

The idea of bed rest in hospital is awful! I had two nights on an antenatal ward before I went into labour last time and was totally exhausted and traumatised by hearing other women screaming through labour before I even had my first contraction. sad

I think I've realised that I just don't really want to go through it all again. Although I am looking forward to having a newborn to cuddle again! smile

Kohi36 Fri 24-Nov-17 22:11:38

I can relate this. My son arrived at 28 weeks 5 years ago. I went into spontaneous labour after a supposedly perfect pregnancy. The birth was very traumatic. 69 days in Nicu. I ended up with post traumatic stress disorder it was so bad. I am pregnant again. Currently 34 weeks plus 5. I have been putting off getting my hospital bag together as in some ways I feel like I'm tempting faith doing it. I have all the contents for the hospital bag just hesitant to do it right now. Desperate to get to term this time. Fingers crossed we both make it to term.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Fri 24-Nov-17 23:15:14

Kohi36 I'm so sorry you had such a traumatic time. Did you have treatment for PTSD? I got post-natal depression and had counselling but I don't think I realised until now how much the actual birth had affected me. It's wonderful that you are so far along now.

annlee3817 Sat 25-Nov-17 08:54:24

I had to pack mine at around 30 weeks as was at risk of prem labour from 24 weeks, it was my first so it was a bit better sweet for me, on the one hand I was excited because she was my first and the other hand anxious because I was packing prem clothes. She hung in until 40+5, So I had to repack with bigger clothes. Totally understandable that you don't want to do it, hope all goes well with the rest of your pregnancy x

Girlwiththearabstrap Sat 25-Nov-17 09:42:11

I also had my daughter at 34 weeks with nothing prepared! I went in for blood pressure monitoring and came home 2 weeks later with a baby. I'm 17 weeks now so really too early to think about anything, and ive not seen my consultant yet but I can imagine it being anxiety inducing.

I wonder if the thought of it is worse than the reality and once it's done it won't be hanging over your head? Packing a bag or not won't jinx anything or make her come early or not.

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