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Opinions on seeing dating scan - abortion

(17 Posts)
kellyrichards Sun 19-Nov-17 11:13:40

I’m currently (I️ think) 8wks+4 pregnant.. I’ve got a dating scan tomorrow for self referral for an abortion. I️ don’t think I’m 100% sure of what I️ want... I’m only 19 but have been with my partner for a year and have recently moved in together this September and very much in love! I️ don’t think I’m 100% sure about my decision because I’m not in permanent work and really worried about the financial side.

I’ve never had an abortion before so don’t know what to expect - I️ feel like a part of me wants to see the scan? I️ know from reading posts that I’m dating scans for abortions they don’t let you see the scan for emotional reasons... am I️ sick/wrong for wanting to see it? Would I️ be allowed if I️ asked or would I️ just be looked at funny?

I️ know it sounds bizarre - I’m just really curious to see and I️ think it will help with my decision? If I️ see the scan and it’s clear developed baby I️ won’t be able to go ahead! And if it’s not much to see and just a dot then maybe it will put my mind at ease? What’s your I️ opinions on this? Please be completely honest!

QuopQuop Sun 19-Nov-17 11:22:29

I saw mine and my daughter is 8 now! I was 20 at the time xxx

Mehfruittea Sun 19-Nov-17 11:22:33

I had ivf so had a scan at 7 weeks to check for a heartbeat. I could see straight away that my baby had my nose. Not because DH or I have distinctive noses, just the outline shape was so much like mine.

know it’s not what you want to hear, but Baby is pretty clear even though tiny. Try google image search for scans at 8 weeks, prepare yourself that way. flowers hope you’re able to make a decision and be at peace with it. Can’t imagine what you’re going though.

Threeislikeaprisonsentance Sun 19-Nov-17 11:32:01

Is it a scan at BPAS? If so they will face it away from you, without the option to see it being done as it’s a handheld devise but will attach a photo to your file upside down so that is what you’d see if you asked. Personally it’s your decision but I think most people dont want to see it. You’ll make the right decision for you, it looking like a baby won’t change your reasoning for going in the first place and if you know deep down that this is what’s right for you. I’d personally not ask to see it.
I caught a glimpse of mine by mistake (many years ago so maybe outdated) and asked for a copy which they gave me. I went ahead with the abortion and it did me no good keeping the scan and I lost the scan in a mugging 2 weeks later, I was thankful the decision to get rid of the picture was taken out of my hands.
I was in a similar position to you, it’s not a decision to be taken lightly but I look back on it with sadness but also gratitude that I had that choice, it was the right decision for me and that can be clouded by emotions.
Best of luck. You’ll make the right decision flowers

mindutopia Sun 19-Nov-17 11:49:30

I think you have to make the decision you can live with for the rest of your life. My view is a bit coloured by the fact that I know I would never be able to have an abortion, but I always think that more knowledge is better than none. If you don't see it, you'll always wonder what if. If you do, you can make a decision knowing everything there is to know. I will forewarn you though that at nearly 9 weeks, what you'll see is a fairly developed baby. It won't be a dot. Particularly if they do a vaginal scan (I really don't know what they'd plan to do, it could also just be abdominal, but they are hard to date abdominally at this point). I had a scan at right around that point with my current pregnancy and the baby was very defined and looked just like a baby. Just so you can be prepared. Whatever you decide, I hope the scan helps you feel better about the decision your making whatever it ends up being.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sun 19-Nov-17 11:54:08

I had dd at 17 no regrets. Would have regretted an abortion for sure though.

RacingRaccoons Sun 19-Nov-17 11:57:11

I’ve never had abortion myself and I had my DS at 18. It was the best thing I ever did, although it is hard at times (I’m a single mum).

I think they will allow you to view the screen if you ask to see the scan.

The only thing I would say is if you’re not 100% sure, I wouldn’t do it.

chocolateorangeowls Sun 19-Nov-17 12:00:07

I didn’t have an abortion but did have a scan at 9 weeks, so very close to you. I could clearly see her head, and her arms and legs were waving around.

Good luck with making your decision, I can totally see it from both sides xx

whinetime89 Sun 19-Nov-17 12:02:46

There is never a right time. I fell pregnant at 20 and I had only been with my partner for 1 year. It was a massive decision for us to make and he fully supported whatever decision I made. My daughter is now 7 and we have 2 other children smile

kellyrichards Sun 19-Nov-17 12:17:27

Thank you for all your responses. I️ don’t know why I’m so afraid to ask hmm It’s not with BPAS.. I️ rang my local NHS hospital department for self referral. It’s such a tough decision! Me and my partner had big plans for the next 2 years with travelling etc and I’m afraid that I️ won’t be able to ever go travelling after having a baby - have any of you mums been travelling/ticking off once of a life time things after having your lovely babies ?

lookingforthecorkscrew Sun 19-Nov-17 12:26:16

Just for balance’s sake, I do not regret the abortion I had at 20. At the time I thought I loved my boyfriend, but with the benefit of hindsight I can see that I actually didn’t. I was too immature and self-centred at 20 to bring a child into the world, and even though I know I would’ve got by somehow, I had absolutely no money or income.

So many women (who’ve never had an abortion) will tell you that they’d regret it forever, I’m just telling you that you might not, and that’s ok.

I’m 36 now, have a 3yo and am now pregnant with my second child, I adore my DS and am really excited to meet my new baby. Life goes on, sadness comes and goes, and you have to do what’s right for you.

60sname Sun 19-Nov-17 12:52:37

OP I very recently had a scan at the same gestation and the baby is less than 2cm long at this point, and looks more like a shrimp. But what it looks like shouldn't sway you, think about what you want.

For balance to some of these answers, I am in my thirties, pg with a planned second child and I am eternally grateful I had my years of freedom, education and work beforehand. Having small children can be thankless and repetitive even when you have signed up for it.

RacingRaccoons Mon 20-Nov-17 07:15:33

kelly Although I haven’t travelled in the way I wanted (staying out with locals, hiking,etc), I have visited many places with my DS.

It’s lovely to take him with me and show him things that interest me. We have currently been to 10 different countries (and he’s not yet two). I’m hoping that continued traveling and experiencing different cultures while growing up through his formative years will shape him greatly.

Adviceplease360 Mon 20-Nov-17 07:20:17

It doesn't sound like you are comfortable with abortion if seeing a scan of the baby will sway you. Good luck.

JoJoSM2 Mon 20-Nov-17 07:26:41

My friend is about to become a single month (will pop next month). She’s going travelling when her daughter gets to 6 months. She’s been travelling before, worked as a nanny and maternity nurse and reckont that a few months in SE Asia with her baby will be fine.

CL1982 Mon 20-Nov-17 09:47:22

OP I think realistically travelling will be bottom of the agenda once you've had a baby. Even in my 30's with both of us on food salaries, things are already looking tight for us and we just wouldn't be able to afford it.

Abortion is a choice we have and should always appreciate, even if you don't go for it. I am sure you'll make the right choice for you. Good luck.

CL1982 Mon 20-Nov-17 09:47:59

Good salaries. Although food salaries do sound amazing....

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