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Pregnancy after miscarriages, anxiety and early scan

(29 Posts)
Summer1986 Sat 18-Nov-17 09:12:43

I'm currently around 7 weeks pregnant, this is my third pregnancy.
My first pregnancy was a MMC found on an early scan at 9 weeks, I had two agonising weeks waiting for a repeat scan before having my miscarriage managed medically. My second pregnancy ended at 5+4 spontaneously.

How do others who have been in this situation deal with the anxiety? Every time I go to the loo I'm scared of finding blood, I've taken 11 pregnancy tests so far to make sure the lines got darker and to check I am still pregnant.

I'm in two minds about whether to go for a private early scan this time or not. On the one hand the relief of seeing a heartbeat would be huge. On the other I don't think I could cope with the 2 week of uncertainty between scans that we had last time if all isn't as it should be.

If you had an early scan what was your experience like?

JoJoSM2 Sat 18-Nov-17 09:19:28

Different background here but after years of infertility I’m finally pregnant and paranoid about staying pregnant (never had a bfp before). My fertility clinic scanned me at 7 weeks, the embryo was measuring ahead with an excellent heartbeat and I calmed down for about 5h... and started stressing again. So it might help but might not as you might fret about making it to week 8, 10, 12 or whenever anyway.

AtlanticIron Sat 18-Nov-17 09:46:20

I have had three first trimester miscarriages in the last three years - two mmc found at about 10/11 weeks.

On a previous mc I was told at 6 weeks that the sac was too small and was surrounded by blood, only to find at 7 weeks I had a heartbeat. I went on to lose the baby anyway...

I think/thought I was pregnant again and went for a scan at 6 weeks to be told I have an empty sac. I am not sure what to make of this and its now a waiting game to see how this plays out.

I am not sure scans this early are that helpful - they can cause more anxiety. Although I think if i wasnt able to have my first scan until 12 weeks, i think i would (and have) gone for private scans perhaps at the 8-10 week point. By 12 weeks its just too painful to find out that the baby that has been in your thoughts for the last 8 weeks died 6 weeks ago.

AndWhat Sat 18-Nov-17 10:01:55

I've on my 8th pregnancy now, have 1 ds and now 21 weeks.
Honestly, my anxiety has never gone away but it has got easier as the pregnancy progresses. I have had scans every week up till 12 weeks (mix of private and NHS) which cost a bit but worth every penny, then a bit more spread out. Now I can feel baby move daily agin easing my anxiety.
I also carried pads with me everywhere until 19 weeks as a sort of security blanket, my husband thought I was mad as he's very positive person.

harrietm87 Sat 18-Nov-17 12:00:56

Hi OP, sorry for your losses and congrats! I had 2 spontaneous mcs at around 5 weeks. When I passed 5 weeks the third time I was convinced all was fine - that was a mmc discovered at 7 weeks and MVA at 9 weeks.

Anyway, I had testing and treatment and now pregnant for the 4th time this year - 20 weeks tomorrow! TBH the anxiety never goes, but it really eased up for me after 12 weeks. I found having regular scans helped. I had them both at the EPU and privately, almost every week from 6-12 weeks. Some will advise against it but for me it was essential. I’d feel relieved for a few days after the scan and then the fears would set in, but I’d only have a few days to wait until the next one. Seeing the heartbeat and getting past the 6 week mark (which id never done before) really helped. TBH the first trimester is awful anyway, so it’s just one more thing to have to suffer through! Feeling exhausted and sick doesn’t help your mood/anxiety either! But you will get through it. Best of luck.

Summer1986 Sat 18-Nov-17 18:11:01

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and wishing you all the best xxx

mindutopia Sat 18-Nov-17 18:26:27

I would definitely go for an early scan. I've found it incredibly reassuring even when the outcome wasn't a positive. I always think it's better to know than live in limbo. I had an early scan with my previous pregnancy at 8 weeks, which showed a mmc (baby only measured 5 weeks and I was certain of my dates so I knew what was happening). At 9 weeks, you should have a pretty clear idea of what you'll see. If you see a 9 week baby, great, all is well. If you see one that's 7 weeks, at this point it's also a pretty good indication that all is not going well. Also, you shouldn't have to wait 2 weeks. I was re-scanned within a week, which is standard NHS practice generally. I also had an early scan with my current pregnancy (which is going well, 27 weeks now) at 7 weeks and it was also really reassuring. As you're already 9 weeks, you might just consider waiting for your 12 week one, but I think there is no harm at all in going for an early one. I think either way knowing is better than not knowing if you're going to just worry about it anyway. I was very glad I did mine.

tra7918 Sat 18-Nov-17 19:09:14

I feel very similar. Chemical pregnancy in May then mmc in the summer, had d&c at 14.5 weeks.
Now nearly 5 weeks pregnant and constantly looking for signs too! I spoke to midwife about early scan which was recommended after my last miscarriage but this midwife said they wouldn’t normally offer unless something was wrong. In the summer though I had an early scan and it didn’t look good but then 9 days later went back and heartbeat but then at dating scan it showed it had died at around 9 weeks which was such a rollercoaster so they suggested early scans so that if there is something wrong I can at least find out earlier but then is it just going to worry me if it’s not quite right? Going to be the longest few weeks ever to get to dating scan!!! Just had 4 more double packs of pregnancy tests arrive with weeks indicator to make sure it doesn’t drop down! How to stop worrying??

Bows85 Sat 18-Nov-17 19:55:35

Hi @Summer1986
I had an early MC but was lucky enough to fall pregnant a couple of months later. I’m now 20+4 smile
I have been incredibly anxious from the day I found out and it’s exhausting! We went for a private scan at 9 weeks which I felt really helped. But I do understand those who warn against doing that.
I did download the headspace app (I get a subscription free, through work) and found the anxiety ‘pack’ really helpful. It didn’t cure my anxiety, but it definitely helped me cope with it better. I would recommend trying that or something similar.
Good luck with it all flowers

FourForYouGlenCoco Sat 18-Nov-17 19:55:49

Agree with the others - you can't stop the anxiety, you just have to figure out how best to manage it for you personally. I had a 13w MMC, DD, 11w MMC, 5w MC and then DS. By the time I was pregnant with DS I'd basically given up hope of actually getting a baby at the end of it. I had a couple of early scans which really helped me - my second MMC was anembryonic, so there had never really been a baby. I hated that I'd been walking around making plans for the last 7 weeks for a baby that had never even existed, with no idea. I was more scared of something going wrong and me not knowing again, than I was of something going wrong per se. But tbh the first 20 weeks were very stressful - DH refused to talk about it at all; neither of us could bring ourselves to get even the slightest bit excited until the 20w scan showed all looked ok, and even after that we talked about it in terms of 'if' we have the baby, rather than 'when'. But unfortunately, there's no way round it or out of it - you just have to plod through, day by day. The days feel years long. I tried to stay distracted but it was basically impossible. Best of luck OP flowers

tra7918 Sat 18-Nov-17 20:52:27

I talk about everything in terms of ‘if I’m still pregnant’ ‘if everything goes ok’ etc etc
My boyfriend keeps telling me off but until it gets a bit more certain I’m feeling so cautious!

CremeDeSudo Sat 18-Nov-17 22:06:05

I had a MMC in July at 7w, found out at early scan at 8w. I'm currently 6.5wks and have an early scan booked in for the 30th, when I should be 8w again.

I'm so scared it's going to be a MMC again. Contemplating paying for early one but I know they can be unreliable until c8w anyway so there's probably no point.

Trying to only picture a positive outcome and tbh just posting this on here seems wrong seems wrong!

Big hugs to all. Congratulations and positive thoughts all round!

AKP79 Sun 19-Nov-17 07:41:27

Hi - I feel the need to join this thread! I found out I was pregnant a week ago, we’d only started trying again after our 2 MMCs mid Oct so it’s been a real shock. To start with I was numb to it all, I didn’t want to think about it and I almost convinced myself I didn’t want the baby. However, now the idea is settling with me I am now filled with fear that we are going to lose this one too.

I’m 39, so a ‘geriatric mum’, our first mmc was discovered at a private scan on 23rd Dec 2015. We’d had the scan so we could share the news with family on Christmas Day. It was the first Christmas without my DS (he was 3 hours away at his dads) and it was supposed to be our happiness over quite a miserable festive period. The second mmc was June 2016, discovered at the 12 week scan and I miscarried naturally before the booked D&C. It was very traumatic and I ended up losing a lot of blood and being blue lighted to hospital.

I feel like the timing is just too similar to the first time around. The due dates are virtually identical and I’m petrified. I’m seeing the midwife on 28th Nov and am in 2 minds about an early scan.

It’s such a scary time for us all.

Summer1986 Sun 19-Nov-17 08:16:33

Thank you all again for sharing your experiences. I think I will wait to find my scan date and if it's going to be after Christmas, I will book a scan for 9 or 10 weeks. I'm sorry to read about your losses but in a way it makes me feel less alone and I hope it does the same for each of you.
Please feel free to use this thread for support or to update on how things are going x

AKP79 Sun 19-Nov-17 08:20:23

That sounds like a sound practical solution. I would love to keep this thread going. I don’t really want to join the miscarriage thread because it feels too much for me at the moment.

Wishing you lots of luck and positivity. flowers

Summer1986 Sun 19-Nov-17 08:20:31

Oh and regarding anxiety distraction, I've downloaded some mindfulness apps (thanks for reminding me of headspace Bows I used this previously when my Mom died but I'd forgotten about it). Also started a new book on my kindle and found out my relaxation colouring book. Going to try my best to stay positive and calm through these long and slow weeks

Bubble77bee Sun 19-Nov-17 09:19:16

I’m in a similar situation. Had a chemical pregnancy in March, got pregnant the following month only to find out at the 12 week scan in May that there was only an empty sac. I had a surgical procedure as my body was clinging on to the sac. Took a few months for my cycles to get back to normal, and this week I found out I am pregnant again! I can’t help but get excited and think ahead to what life could be like next year. But then I am riddled with worry of losing this one too. I filled in my antenatal booking form, and asked on there if an early scan is possible. If not, I think we’ll pay for an early scan around 8 weeks. I can’t bear the thought of waiting til 12 weeks for bad news, but then of course things could still go wrong between 8 and 12 weeks. No easy answer. Those of you in the same situation- I completely understand your anxiety.

CremeDeSudo Wed 22-Nov-17 10:55:10

I'm 7w today, and I don't feel as sick. On one hand I feel relieved, on the other I'm now worried. I know there's no rhyme nor reason to pregnancy but still worrying! Just needed to vent somewhere where others will get it. sadblush

CremeDeSudo Wed 22-Nov-17 10:55:26

Early scan is a week tomorrow. Can't come quick enough!!

EastDulwichWife Wed 22-Nov-17 11:21:39

Hi Summer1989. Huge congratulations on your pregnancy!
I was also terrified of MC/MMC at the beginning of this pregnancy and have only started to relax after my scan at 13 weeks.
When I was looking for similar advice, one MN poster suggested booking an early scan that would be later than any of your MCs/MMCs previously. Then, they said, you might be able to be more positive about getting further than ever before. I see the 'logic', maybe that might help you? All the best. x

Summer1986 Wed 22-Nov-17 21:21:54

creme my symptoms vary in intensity from day to day, on days when I feel well I just worry something is wrong!
Had my booking appointment with the midwife today, information overload! She confirmed that i wouldn't be eligible for an early scan and I should expect my scan appointment for 11+ to 14 weeks.
Have sent an enquiry form off for a private scan at the end of next week when I will be 9w, just waiting to hear back.

CremeDeSudo Thu 23-Nov-17 09:48:34

Thanks @Summer. DH pointed out that I may have felt less sick but I was still exhausted and my boobs were still killing and I also appear to have entered the starving phase which is definiely familiar to me!

I don't blame you going private. I would definitely be doing the same if I didn't get one! 12 weeks is such a long wait! I'm struggling to wait 'til 8 wks!

With DS, it was my first pregnancy and I'd never heard of an MMC, so I was pleasantly naive. As far as I was aware, as long as there was no physical evidence everything was fine. Oh to be so naive again!

Hobbes39 Thu 23-Nov-17 09:59:47

Hi all - can I join please? While obviously I wish everyone on here could relax and enjoy their pregnancies, it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one really struggling with the first trimester anxiety. I am only 5w4days - and scared shitless about mc/mmc. I'm 40 and we have a 4yo DS but have been struggling with unexplained secondary infertility for almost 3 years now. In that time we had had an ectopic pregnancy (2 years ago) and been through 3 rounds of IVF and had a chemical pregnancy with one of those. So this is 3rd time lucky, but while I'm over the moon it's been successful this time, I don't actually feel I can be happy about it yet? I'm too scared to get my hopes up. We have a v early scan on Monday (6weeks) to check it's in the right place due to the ectopic before, and I'm so worried they won't see anything. I honestly feel at the moment like I am unlikely to stop worrying until we actually get a healthy baby in my arms, and feel scared we will never get there. Keeping my fingers crossed for you all too x

Summer1986 Sat 25-Nov-17 12:37:32

Welcome Hobbes wishing you all the best for your pregnancy.

I bit the bullet and went for a scan this Morning, baby is measuring 8w5d so 4 days ahead of my lmp dates. I know it could all go wrong still but I'm reassured by seeing the bean wriggle on the screen and the heartbeat.

CremeDeSudo Sat 25-Nov-17 13:59:45

@summer that's awesome news!! Don't be thinking like that, when they've found a heartbeat the risks go down hugely so take it as a huge reassurance. I'm both dreading and can't wait for mine next week.

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