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Pregnant after mmc

(29 Posts)
Alwaysatyke Tue 14-Nov-17 20:22:19

Not quite sure what I'm after here - maybe experiences from anyone who's been through similar:

I had a mmc a few months ago - thought I was 12 weeks but baby measured 9.5 and there was no hb (I posted about this at the time and got some wonderful support). Naturally I was devastated and afterwards I struggled with grief a lot more than I expected to.

Found out last week I'm pregnant again (hurrah!). About 4-5 weeks. I totally expected to be nervous and to find it harder to relax but I'm conscious that I'm already low-grade fretting about every little stomach ache and there's a long way to go until I'll be able to feel settled.

How do you get through this time? I'm trying to put it to the back of my mind and just get past each week but keeping on top of the anxiety is so tough and i don't want to become a total wreck

confusedwife84 Tue 14-Nov-17 20:24:24

I went through same thing OP, GP was very understanding and arranged an early scan, 8 weeks which was brilliant I was able to relax and enjoy a bit more then. Up until then though it’s difficult, counting every week.

Alwaysatyke Tue 14-Nov-17 20:42:47

Thank you - I hope all is going (has gone?) well for you this time. I thought about going for an early scan but I'm not sure it'd help (I mean last time all would've been fine at 8 weeks so it can't completely reassure me). Hoping that as each week goes by it'll get easier, I want to be able to enjoy this!

Noneedtocry Tue 14-Nov-17 21:46:22

This happened to me a couple of years back, had a MMC with my first pregnancy which was really tough. 3 months later I was pregnant with my DS. If I'm honest I did spend a great deal of the pregnancy being worried about every twinge and symptom, but I think it is to be expected. Those ongoing thoughts just became second nature and in lots of ways that constant awareness was pretty good prep for living with a newbornsmile

A couple of things that did help - scans! When I had the MMC the EPU told me to come back for an early scan if I got pregnant. I went at seven weeks. It was a drop in service, you self-referred and was first come first serve... had to wait a while to be seen but was worth it for the reassurance. At 10 weeks I had another wobble and paid for a private scan ... I felt a bit out of control crazy when I booked it, but I'm so glad i did... it gave me just the reassurance I needed to make the final two weeks to the twelve week scan. Other thing was pregnancy yoga, having time each week to reflect and focus on myself and the pregnancy really helped me keep balanced for the rest of the week. Once the movement and kicks come in it all gets a bit easier as you have a constant reminder that baby is ok.

Good luck with it, I know how scary it is, but just hang in there and it will be worth it.

CL1982 Tue 14-Nov-17 22:00:44

Hey OP-we had 3 early miscarriages and you do find you deal with things differently. I was given fab advice by a consultant to be as positive as possible. Really focus on seeing the positive side to this pregnancy and I second asking for an early scan at 7/8 weeks to make sure all is well. I'm pretty sure you will be supported in this if you call an EPU near you?

Alwaysatyke Tue 14-Nov-17 22:09:59

Thank you all - the impression i got from our epu was that you can't request an early scan if you're asymptomatic but i could be wrong. Will chat to mw when i have booking in appt (four weeks away! Four bloody weeks to wait!) and see what she suggests. I will get through this!

brogueish Tue 14-Nov-17 22:30:05

So sorry to hear of your mmc. I've been there too, and it's so distressing and disorientating isn't it. Mine was about 5 years ago and we don't yet have any children - although I am currently pg, so we'll see. Yours was so recent, have you had any counselling or support in dealing with it?

The only advice I can give, and I totally accept that this won't be helpful to everyone, is to focus on what you have right now (social life, family and friends, disposable income, freedom...!). We are trying to view my current condition as purely medical and avoid thinking too far ahead. I don't know about you, but it was the hopes and dreams aspect that hit me much harder than the physical part of the mmc.

I wish you all the very best for this pregnancy flowers

Alwaysatyke Tue 14-Nov-17 22:39:18

I've got a 4yo so freedom is very limited! But she's part of the reason I found it all so hard to accept; in my head I was a few days away from telling her she'd be a big sister so it felt really cruel to have that taken away.

I was actually already having counselling before it happened - CBT for anxiety/depression. It was helping pretty well but obviously the whole thing was a bit of a setback. I did pursue some grief counselling but it wasn't for me.

It sounds like you've been through a lot brogueish (and everyone else), I hope this time goes well for you flowers

chocolateorangeowls Tue 14-Nov-17 22:40:13

I had this too, unfortunately they wouldn’t give me an early scan, but I did pay for one privately before 12 weeks and that helped.

I know some people hate them but I found a Home Doppler kept me sane after the 12 week scan and before the 20 week one. I just couldn’t cope with the thought that the baby may have died inside me again and I had no idea. Being able to listen to the heartbeat every few days kept me positive and kept me going. Once I had proper movements I could feel I didn’t use it anymore.

Good luck with your pregnancy, my LO is now 6 months old xxx

CL1982 Tue 14-Nov-17 22:46:00

Mothercare have a great scanning facility where you can get an early scan? Might be worth it. I think it's about £70?

brogueish Tue 14-Nov-17 22:59:10

Oh, yes I can see that must have been felt doubly cruel flowers

I completely agree with the posters above about asking for an early scan. I expect that there is some local variance, but with your recent experience and anxiety, I would definitely push for it. You can self refer or walk in to most EPUs I think, or could you have a chat with your GP and ask them to refer you? Perfectly reasonable under the circumstances! Really hope you can get some reassurance that will help.

Jeds55 Wed 15-Nov-17 07:56:55

I'm almost 20 weeks pregnant after mmc between Xmas and New Year last Year. I'm a lot more anxious this time around and have got through it by having regular private scans (at 8, 10, 16 and 18 weeks so far...). Bit ott and expensive but the reassurance they have given me is worth it for peace of mind. As PP said I can't stand the thought of walking around clueless that the baby had died like last time.
I did plan on stopping these once I could feel the baby moving but have been told that I have an anterior placenta (which cushions the movements) so have informed my partner that a few more scans will be required! It's normal to feel more anxious after such a horrible experience so I

Jeds55 Wed 15-Nov-17 08:01:00

Sorry posted too soon!
So I would approach your EPU to see what they say about having an early reassurance scan / private scan.
Hope everything goes well.

mindutopia Wed 15-Nov-17 10:01:50

I had a mmc in April. We had a private scan at 8 weeks, but baby measured only 5. I had a sinking feeling pretty much from the moment I got pregnant that something wasn't right (why I booked the scan) and of course, it wasn't. I had a d&c at 11weeks. We fell pregnant again in May and I'm now 27 weeks.

What really helped me was staying busy and active and booking another private scan. I know your mmc was a bit later, but for me, having a scan really put my mind at ease. I didn't actually use it this time (too busy) but with my first I did the natal hypnotherapy pregnancy relaxation tracks in 1st tri and that helped tremendously with any worry. It might be worth a try. Otherwise, staying busy and booking a scan to break up the time between 4 and 12 weeks might help.

AnUtterIdiot Wed 15-Nov-17 10:39:24

I had an MMC last year, discovered at 11 weeks - baby measured 8 and there was no hb. It was pretty awful. Now 34 weeks pregnant with naturally conceived twins.

This is the approach we took:

(a) We actually decided not to get an early scan. We'd had a private scan at 8 weeks in the first pregnancy, which must have been very shortly before our baby died, and so we really weren't convinced that an early scan would be very reassuring. However, at 10 weeks I had a bleed and was obviously convinced that I was having another MC so we went for a scan to confirm and were told instead that everything was fine and we were having twins grin. So if you do want to have another scan I would book it for say 10 weeks - you're a bit further on then, you're past the point at which your MMC happened, it'll be a bit more reassuring and you then only have a couple of weeks to wait until your dating scan.

(b) I spent/spend a lot of time on the "staying posifrickentive" thread that runs on this board. Everyone's been through it, they all understand what you're going through and it's really supportive.

(c) From that thread I adopted two mantras: "today I am pregnant", which allowed me to focus on what was happening that day and enjoy it, and "this pregnancy is not that pregnancy", which reminded me that the fact that I had previously miscarried did not mean it would happen again.

I didn't get a Doppler - it's recommended that you don't because it's not always easy for midwives to use them, you can confuse the baby with the placenta or your own pulse and they have been known to lull women into a false sense of security, e.g. ignoring reduced movements because they picked up a heartbeat. But my midwife got heartbeats at 16 weeks and that combined with early movements got me through to 20 weeks.

I would say: try to enjoy it a bit? I really really know how hard that is -
I remember that part of my sadness after the MC was that I'd spent so much time thinking and hoping after the baby had died. I didn't feel silly exactly but I felt like it had all been futile. In this pregnancy, though, after the 10 week scan I realised what a shame it would be if the pregnancy went fine and I'd spent all or most of it trying not to emotionally invest in it.

Anyway - join us on the pregnancy after miscarriage thread. THIS PREGNANCY IS NOT THAT PREGNANCY.

AnUtterIdiot Wed 15-Nov-17 10:41:15

Oh, the other thing is: I did panic constantly. For me the real stress point was going to the loo. Every time I went to the loo I had to force myself to wipe and then force myself to look because I was so convinced that I would be bleeding. I seem to have managed to get over that at some point but I think that I was like that right up to 20 weeks. It's perfectly normal.

Alwaysatyke Thu 16-Nov-17 07:58:29

Thank you everyone for some really great advice, and for sharing your experiences - it's good to be reminded that I'm not the only person feeling this way smile

Alwaysatyke Mon 25-Dec-17 21:30:03

Returning here on the slim chance anyone is still watching and can talk some sense into me:

I'm now 10wks ish and yesterday I got a tiny bit of pinkish discharge after going to the loo. Called EPU who said to watch and wait for 24hrs as it was fairly normal at this stage etc etc. Same thing has happened a couple more times since but not every time. Not proper blood like a period but definitely traces there, and no stomach cramps/pain (except for the stress I'm now inevitably feeling)

Should I call EPU again or give it a bit more time to declare itself one way or the other? Whatever's happening i can't change the outcome but think I'd rather know earlier if it has gone wrong again

Elmosmum Mon 25-Dec-17 21:34:50

Hi OP oh gosh big hugs. That's so worrying sadIt won't hurt to give them a call and see what they say. If not then try your GP. They saw me straight away and got me booked in same day for a scan (but it wasn't Christmas..). Fingers crossed for you x

McTufty Mon 25-Dec-17 21:39:39

Sorry to hear this OP, must be so worrying, but spotting in first trimester is common and not usually harmless. A good rule of thumb i was given is if it’s less blood than your period it is probably fine. I can’t imagine how worried you must be and by all means do call them, but rest assured this happens to lots of pregnant women who go on to have healthy pregnancies. Good luck flowers

Alwaysatyke Mon 25-Dec-17 21:45:43

Thanks both - I think I'll see how I am in the morning and give them a call for advice again. Because the last time was a mmc I'm so wary that it could have happened already without any real symptoms to warn me, so anything concrete is just really hard to be logical about. If i were on the outside I'd be telling me how common it is and not to stress but it's harder to take my own advice!

Elmosmum Mon 25-Dec-17 22:04:22

Thinking of you thanks

GrapesAreMyJam Tue 26-Dec-17 00:39:13

Happened to me last year. I had a scan at 8 weeks which was really good. Then had a scan at 13 weeks which showed a missed miscarriage. I had no bleeding or pain so it was a complete shock.

I am now 34 weeks pregnant. I was offered an early scan again but I thought it would be pointless.

The worrying lessened for me after 20 weeks. But I'm still very nervous.

I also had bleeding in my current pregnancy at about 9 weeks, just pale pink spotting

Alwaysatyke Tue 26-Dec-17 11:05:31

Thank you - am trying to prepare myself by accepting that I've lost it. Got a scan booked on Thursday at EPU so just waiting now

McTufty Tue 26-Dec-17 13:29:10

Good luck with your scan OP, please let us know x

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