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Fed up of comments

(14 Posts)
Wooders09 Fri 10-Nov-17 10:50:24

I'm prepared to be told I am being miserable and hormonal! I am 35 wks with my 3rd and I am getting so fed up with all the comments people keep making about me.

Things like

'wow you look massive'
'are you sure there's only one in there' (then laughing like they've made the funniest joke ever)
Acting in a ridiculously shocked manner when I say how much long I've got left

I know people just like to make conversation and probably don't realise how it can actually be a bit upsetting to constantly be told these things.

However the best one seems to be 'how are you going to cope with 3' (this mainly comes from my DM, who had 3 herself). Don't really know how to answer it....?!? It seems like such a strange thing to say to someone! For info my other 2 are 5yr and 3yr. Very good kids, one at school and one at preschool 3 days and week. They sleep well so it's not like I'm up repeatedly through the night etc. I just don't know how to take a comment like that, I think it sounds a bit like people are assuming I am unable to cope at all, which is insulting!!

I'm being too sensitive aren't I!!??

Ilovelampandchair Fri 10-Nov-17 10:55:32

Yep, but you and many other pregnant women on mumsnet.

Just remember people are actually excited by a pregnant woman usually and just love to chat about it. The things you mention are the most obvious things to say.

Also don't forget all the nice things you also get while pregnant, smiles from strangers, doors held open, told to sit down and cup of tea handed to you.

You're not massive, your bump is. That is what they're commenting on. The boring repetitive jokes are people trying to connect with you a little at this special time. Your mum could be a bit more sensitive but she's worried about you having been there herself.

Nearly there! Just wait till #3 is born and nobody does anything nice for you because you're not a first time mum😂

monkey1978 Fri 10-Nov-17 11:25:33

A woman who works in my building at work but I don't actually work with her made a similar comment to me yesterday. I'm only 6 and a half months and she made some comments about how I look ready to pop and I must be having a big baby ( I'm not). Yes I have put a bit of weight on but I certainly do not look " ready to pop" and believe it or not this woman used to be a midwife and is now a health visitor.
I think it is extremely rude to make comments like that to people, especially women who are pregnant and might feel a bit more emotional/ vulnerable. If she says anything else I think I'm just going to tell her to fuck off! Also she doesn't even know my name so why does she feel it's ok to say things like that!

Rememberallball Fri 10-Nov-17 11:31:28

I have a friend who got the “how will you cope with 3?” from her mum (friend is no2 of 3 herself) and, in a moody moment, replied “Well, we all survived your attempts at it so I know how not to try!!” Her Mum switched tack from then on to saying things like “you’ll have so much more help than I did with 3 of you!” Sometimes you can’t win!!

sparechange Fri 10-Nov-17 12:10:28

I’ve had a couple of ‘are you sure there is only one in there?’ comments, to which I’ve replied ‘funny you should say that, I started off with twins but sadly lost one early on. But thanks for bringing that up’

Even if it wasn’t true, I’d be inclined to use it just to shut them up and think twice before making stupid comments

KalaLaka Fri 10-Nov-17 12:13:18

ilovelamp so true. It's just small talk, try not to take it to heart. I say daft things in the midst of social awkwardness all the time!

KalaLaka Fri 10-Nov-17 12:14:57

sparechange I'm sorry for your loss. I'm not sure that's the kindest thing to say to a jokey, well intended comment. Some people just don't think their comments through so much; I'm sure they're not intending to hurt you.

niknac1 Fri 10-Nov-17 12:15:13

I think you are right it’s just small talk, not probably expected to be hurtful but you are right thinking your reaction is likely to be hormonal and nearly at the end so smile, think of your beautiful baby that will be here soon.

sparechange Fri 10-Nov-17 12:17:13

Is telling someone they look fatter than they should ever ‘a well intended comment’ though?
It’s rude and meant to embarrass, so I have no hesitation in fighting fire with fire!

KalaLaka Fri 10-Nov-17 12:19:20

I have never associated being pregnant with 'fat.' I honestly loved having a massive pregnancy bump. I appreciate others may not feel the same, though.

monkey1978 Fri 10-Nov-17 12:26:45

I totally agree with @sparechange they are not well intended comments at all. You would not make comments about someone's size if they were not pregnant so why is it ok to do it when people are pregnant?

AutumnLeavesandCandleLights Fri 10-Nov-17 12:43:20

I have a just turned 11 month old and am due again in 8 weeks (potentially sooner if I opt for a c section), and I constantly get:

"You must be insane having them THAT close together!!"

"You'll never sleep again" - usually followed by a smug laugh from the childless person who made the comment.

"Oh wow! 2 in 1 year? Good bye social life, right!?"

Trust me, I totally get what you mean about the negative comments. And I also hate that people feel the need to point out the size of our bellies like we aren't already aware!

Ilovelampandchair Fri 10-Nov-17 13:14:48

Jeez, none of it bothers me in the slightest. I don't think anyone is saying 'you're fat'. It's just surprising to see someone looking incredibly different in a short space of time for a very positive reason. People, even complete strangers, are delighted and excited simply by seeing pregnant women. It's a lovely time. It's got lovely memories for many people you come across daily. Everyone just wants a little bit of a connection to that excitement.

KalaLaka Fri 10-Nov-17 13:33:35

If people wanted to be really rude, they'd comment on postpartum bodies instead. I've had comments about my massive baby bumps, but nothing mean about my postpartum ones! I agree with ilove: just people trying to show their excitement about new babies.

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