Negative friends?(13 Posts)
Hi everyone - I want to start by saying that I am highly emotional and hormonal and therefore realise I might be overreacting a touch, I am just very very upset by some of my friends.
I found out last week that I am pregnant just 2 months after my wedding and was so shocked and happy (it's my first pregnancy) that I immediately told my closest friends.
I was, however, HORRIFIED at how many said things along the lines of "great! But, hmm, I wouldn't tell anyone else yet.." or "it's very early days..." etc etc.
Is it just me or is this very rude/hurtful/thoughtless? Of course I KNOW the risks, but it's my baby for goodness sake! It feels like they are saying "your baby might die" which seems highly unkind and unsupportive. When friends have told me their news early I have always been positive and supportive, and I never would've dreamed of saying such a thing.
It might be worth mentioning none of them have children. The issue is I was so shocked/hurt that I just politely nodded but now it is eating away at me and I think I have to say something but not sure how/what without looking like a total hormonal loon.
Sorry for being a nutcase everyone xx
Maybe they know people who have suffered losses and are trying to protect you?
You can, of course, tell who you want and when you want but many people wait until they know all is ok because it is awful having to tell people things haven't worked out as hoped. Theyre probably just thinking like this.
I have to say, while I wouldn’t say anything outright, I too would find it difficult to be very enthusiastic about a pregnancy at such an early stage. Not because I’m wishing anything bad on my friends, but because after a MMC I know first-hand that there are risks. I wonder if your friends have experienced losses themselves? Many women don’t tell anyone, so you wouldn’t necessarily know, and a lot of people don’t tell anyone besides close family about a pregnancy until they’re past 12 weeks.
I’m very happy for women who can go through those early stages with joy and positivity and I would never want to squash that, but unfortunately that’s not something I’m able to do, even on other people’s behalf.
I don’t think your friends are being deliberately unkind - just cautious, and unfortunately that has expressed itself in a perceived lack of positivity / excitement.
Congratulations on your pregnancy OP - I wish you all the best with it and hope it is a wonderful experience for you.
I just want to add that my friends are all single/haven't tried to get pregnant etc yet - and I completely understand that they are coming from a helpful place and might THINK that, but I just think it's sooo thoughtless/mean to actually say it!
And also I have had (different) friends who have miscarried etc too! But I am just excited and positive and don't think the two need to be related! Thanks for your messages xx
Yeah I think it’s an odd reaction. I had only incredibly enthusiastic responses to the point I sort of wanted to say don’t celebrate yet!
I don’t think it’s malicious, just people concerned for you in case something goes wrong.
Congratulations by the way!
Oh it's so hard in those first few weeks with your first - a mix of excitement and worry and not really knowing what the hell to think/do/who to tell/ when to get excited etc.
None of my friends had babies and I told my closest friend. She had the opposite reaction and it was just as unnerving tbh - she was so so excited and dropping "in jokes" and hints when we were talking to other people. At this point I was only about 6/7 weeks and I was terrified id jinxed something by telling her.
Some people get very hung up on the 12 week thing and that might be what they are thinking of. Just enjoy your pregnancy and sod everyone else. 😊
I just think it's sooo thoughtless/mean to actually say it!
Please try not to take it to heart, o very much doubt they said it to be mean and they probably were (in their heads) being the opposite of thoughtless.
As your pregnancy progresses you'll grow a thick skin and learn to ignore passing comments which people readily offer up.
you are right, I'm sure - it's just hard not to overreact right now! Thank you x
I think I might think it but not say it!! I had three losses before 8 weeks so would always be cautious but it's 100% people's choice whether they choose to shout the news as soon as the ink is dry on the test or after the 12 week scan 😊
Yeah it's shitty but they won't have meant it like that I'm sure. People mean well but occasionally foot lands in mouth. Maybe try to ignore it and if they continue to be unsupportive sit them down and explain how you're feeling. I was certainly less than aware of not being supportive when some of my friends had kids before I wanted them? I am sure they didn't mean it meanly.
It's crap they can't see your happiness and be happy for you.
I know people will be the same with us as I'm pregnant after only losing my son 2 months ago. I see it as a little gift from him. I'm going to enjoy it for as long as I Can, it may not work out but why live for a possibility that may not even happen!
Thank you, and congratulations to you too - what a touching and beautiful way of seeing it!! xxx
I don't think your friends meant it like that. I didn't tell anyone apart from my partner obviously before 12 weeks. Not even my family or close friends. I didn't want to risk anything happening. Don't take what they said to heart sounds like they are looking out for you.
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