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Just, don't know where my head is and what to think!

(23 Posts)
imreallyaunicorn Thu 09-Nov-17 19:00:48

Hey everyone, this is my first post here but I am a long term reader.

Found myself in a situation today where I felt compelled to join just to get it off my chest, get some opinions and advise, ill even take some criticism as I just don't know what to do!

WARNING - This will be a LONG post...

I have two children already, both born by C Section as apparently I don't work (my cervix will not open even with contractions and medical help), after my second baby (back in 2014) the surgeon told me she would only recommend us having one more due to the strain of section and she made it clear next time it would definitely be another section.

Early 2017 we tried for baby and myself be extremely fertile (everybody has only took 1 try!) I was pregnant within the first month of trying and having my coil out. We were so happy.

Now, I always get sickness with pregnancies , all the way through, I'm used to it, all day every day. This time was different, I got sickness but it was uncontrollable, I was in hospital nearly every week hookd up to drips as i was dehydrated I couldn't even suck ice without throwing up, my body rejected all the anti sickness medications i was given and it got so bad that I couldn't walk without assistance, my eyes turned yellow and i barely spent much time coherent.

I lost so much time with my kids that I had, we were struggling finically as I am self employed so if I don't work I don't earn so reluctantly we decided to go through with a termination (it feels so good to say this even if it is to people on the internet as everyone we know believes we misscarried). Like I said criticism welcome as it is the biggest regret of my life, my due date has just passed 25th October and it killed me. Not to mention to trauma of the termination itself, its not under general , your awake and you feel everything, the pain is out of this world but feeling what they doing is mental torture.

It killed us, we still break now over it, our baby...

Anyway during the abortion they fit me with a new coil as we decided that we were going to stick with our 2 children, remain happy and not try for a third.

Fast forward to last month, everything had been going well, we even got married in July (not as the pregnant bride I expected!) but we went through a bad patch, we were still having sex but in a drunk state one night I slept with someone else.

I told my husband straight the way and we have moved past it and its actually made us stronger and sort out our marriage problems.

Long story short earlier today I found I was pregnant!! I am on the coil!

I was quite happy until my husband pointed out I had slept with someone else, BUT this other gentleman didn't cum inside of me , it was precum at the most. I guess what I am asking is would you think there is a chance its the other guys when I had the coil fitted AND he DIDNT ejaculate inside of me?

My husband did cum inside of me 4-5 times through the month and we have a on going joke that he has 'super sperm' as my first child with him I actually took a morning after pill and we had only just got together and had a condom split, but it didn't work! And then it took one time with me last baby from earlier this year. So I say his super sperm has now beat the coil lol!

Sorry to ramble on, my head it just a mess. We want another chance to have a baby as we regret the termination but we now have the worry of what I did in stupidity last month.

Advice, options , anything... thank you!!

JoJoSM2 Thu 09-Nov-17 21:51:03

Unfortunately, you can get pregnant from precum so it’s anyones guess whose the baby is. Sorry no advice as it’s a very difficult situation to be in.

NerNerNerNerBATMAN Thu 09-Nov-17 21:55:09

You can theoretically get pregnant from precum.

When did you sleep with the other bloke and how many weeks pg are you?

BigBaboonBum Thu 09-Nov-17 22:47:16

I’d just work it out from dates if possible. Lots of people get surprise babies from precum, so I’d just work it out from dates. You said you were going through a rough patch so I’m guessing you weren’t sleeping with your husband then anyway

BigBaboonBum Thu 09-Nov-17 22:49:23

Oh sorry you said your OH also came inside you ~5 times during the rough patch

imreallyaunicorn Fri 10-Nov-17 07:37:09

I just thought with the fact I have the coil there is no way precum could beat it.

Mynametodaywillbe Fri 10-Nov-17 07:43:49

In all likelihood it's your DH's but no one can know. Look at your dates, and if it comes to it you may have to look at a DNA test down the line.

DueNov Fri 10-Nov-17 07:48:25

I got pregnant on the pill taking it properly and from precum. It can happen

JoJoSM2 Fri 10-Nov-17 07:49:31

The coil does stop sperms. It stops the implantation. Perhaps it’s fallen out or something. If you decide to keep this pregnancy, you’ll be able to get a DNA test when the baby arrives to determine whose it is.

JoJoSM2 Fri 10-Nov-17 07:49:55

doesn’t stop sperms

Ilovelampandchair Fri 10-Nov-17 07:50:14

It's the dates that are important. I'm 30 wks pregnant from precum. Hope the baby is DHs.

Emu31 Fri 10-Nov-17 08:03:24

You have been through an awful lot, I know what it's like to experience terrible pregnancy sickness (though thankfully not as bad as yours sounds OP) and I would never judge a women for making the horrendously difficult decision to terminate. You shouldn't judge yourself either, it must have been awful. I would strongly advise seeing your GP as soon as possible to get pre-emptive medication, if you start on it now you can hopefully stop some of the sickness in it's tracks. Did you contact pregnancy sickness support last time? They will be able to help you through this. As to whose baby it is, I can't advise there apart from suggesting to look at dates - were you having periods on the coil? You might be able to work out when you would have been likely to be fertile - the balance of probability is that it's your DH's. The most important thing is that you've been honest with him and worked through it and I admire you very much for that, you sound like a very strong couple xx

Shehz21 Fri 10-Nov-17 09:34:40

OP I am sat here wondering about a bit from your post. I myself went through a termination due to hyperemesis(extreme "morning" sickness) so definitely wouldn't judge you for it. You took the decision that was best for you at the time and it's totally understandable.
However which country were you in that you could feel everything they were doing?
-totally misses point of the post-

Oh and you also mentioned you slept with that bloke in a druken state, so I also wonder how you know FOR SURE that he didn't cum inside you?
But anyways you can get pregnant on precum so....

Justbookedasummmerholiday Fri 10-Nov-17 09:40:32

Confide in your mw and she can help you work out the date and who is likely to be the df. She won't judge you. Better than going done the termination route again.

Lozmatoz Fri 10-Nov-17 09:44:11

So sorry for you. I’m on my third pregnancy, and yes, it was a huge surprise as my husband didn’t ejaculate inside me as we realised we were being daft and put a condom on.

It could be the OMs.

imreallyaunicorn Fri 10-Nov-17 10:34:48

Not sure how to tag or quote things into my posts yet but Shehz , i was more tipsy than drunk, fully aware of what was happening, and i know he didn't come inside mainly as he was struggling himself due to alcohol and ended up finishing himself off over my boobies (sorry for that info lol)....

imreallyaunicorn Fri 10-Nov-17 10:36:26

We are doing a prenatal DNA test, you have to pay for it but it can be done for 7 weeks so going to do that. Just done a clear blue and it says 2-3 weeks which adds more up to my husband.

Shehz21 Fri 10-Nov-17 10:38:36

imreallyaunicorn Oh I'm sorry if I upset you by my question.
Don't have much advice about who the actual father might be except a DNA test but re the sickness front, if ever you suffer from extreme sickness again there is a hyperemesis thread that is very helpful on here. Come join us as soon as the sickness kicks in.flowers

imreallyaunicorn Fri 10-Nov-17 10:43:34

No you didn't upset me don't worry, sorry if it sounded like you did.

Yes i have noticed that thread and will be joining soon I think, I'm usually sick from 4-5 weeks onwards.

BabyDreams2018 Fri 10-Nov-17 10:57:56

Her name was Lola...
Here we go again...

Shehz21 Fri 10-Nov-17 11:54:04

@BabyDreams18 whaaa..?

BabyDreams2018 Fri 10-Nov-17 18:28:48

Shehz21 there was a poster called Lola a few weeks back who kept posting about precum and how likely was it to get pregnant by precum if one guy came and the other guy didn't. She got pregnant and kept asking who was the father of her baby. Everyone kept telling her she'd need to get a dna test done after the baby was born but she ignored the advice and posted numerous threads about it. Fairly similar story to op's with slight variations.

imreallyaunicorn Fri 10-Nov-17 19:52:25

Well BabyDreams I have no intention to go on about it, we are doing a prenatal test at 7 weeks and that will be the end of it, it was just for an opinion on here and a bit of woman talk as I've had a lot going on recently so was nice to get it off my chest.

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