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Pass me a tiny violin

(11 Posts)
AutumnLeavesandCandleLights Tue 07-Nov-17 10:46:18

Currently feeling sorry for myself and just want to have a little moan. No one needs to reply, I just sometimes feel better for having a rant. So here goes!

I'm 31 weeks pregnant and the fatigue has made a royal comeback. I have a 10 month old who is fighting his day time naps (not that he's ever slept well anyway) and will (unhappily) stay awake for 12 hours straight regardless of what I do.
For those of you who already have babies, you'll feel my pain on how torturous and trying an over-tired, cranky little person can be.
He still wakes multiple times through the night so between getting up with him, the baby in my stomach kicking my ribs and relentlessly getting up to pee every hour I'm now running on fumes.

I've had an insane stabbing pain in my lower left abdomen near my c section scar for the past week, which the hospital are either putting down to a bladder infection I had, or ligament pain. Either way, it's debilitating and makes me walk at a snails pace otherwise I burst in to tears. I honestly lost count of the amount of times I cried in public last week. And don't even get me started on turning over in bed. It's like Freddy Krueger is shoving his hand in my stomach.

To top it all off, I've got 5 weeks left to decide whether or not I want to try for a VBAC or opt for an elective c section and every possible outcome, risk or problem is plaguing my waking mind.
I'm terrified of rupturing seeing as I only had a c section so very recently, I'm panicking over needing another emergency c section, I'm sad I may not deliver vaginally and will deem myself a failure all over again.

Im just so done with being tired and fat, moody and pregnant.

I want a bottle of wine and a cigarette, but I guess chocolate will have to do for now.

Here's to hoping the last few weeks go quickly and smoothly. This mumma needs a release sadwine

DeadDoorpost Tue 07-Nov-17 11:11:25

🎻 a tiny violin for you 😉
Seeing as this is my first baby I don't have the personal experience of what you're going through but my step mum did. She did have a 3 year gap between her 2 daughters though. If I were you I'd have a chat with your midwife and see what she says about all your concerns, but if they feel a VBAC is safe for you then I'd try not to worry.
And of course,If you end up having another c section for whatever reason, it doesn't mean you've failed. It just means your baby needed to be delivered in the best way possible for them and it's not a reflection on you failing at all. Even the most low risk straight forward pregnancies can go horribly wrong (my mum almost died after giving birth to me and I was as straightforward as you get)

AutumnLeavesandCandleLights Tue 07-Nov-17 13:07:15

Haha, thanks @DeadDoorpost. I'm definitely throwing myself a pity party over here 💃🏻

My midwife and VBAC Consultant have both said they see no reason why I can't try for a vaginal birth, but I'm still dubious due to the fact I only got to 2-3cms last time after 2 days of contractions and having a pessary and being on the drip. The fact my scar is already hurting doesn't fill me positivity either. I know the risks of rupturing are small, but someone has to be the person that becomes the statistic and I can't help but shake the feeling that it's going to be me.

Silly I know. I'm just a worrier. A very tired worrier 😴

MagicMoneyTree Tue 07-Nov-17 13:12:28

On the subject of vbac versus planned section, I have several close friends who have had planned c sections and they’ve all had incredibly positive and calm experiences- nothing at all like their emergency sections- so I have always said if I were in your shoes I’d opt for the planned section in a heartbeat (even taking into account the physical recovery + a toddler). Some of the most laid-back new mums I’ve known have been the ones who have had a planned csection. Xx

Trailedanderror Tue 07-Nov-17 13:15:53

Not a tiny violin a sympathetic orchestra. That sounds horrendous flowers

AutumnLeavesandCandleLights Tue 07-Nov-17 15:57:00

I want to avoid a c section at all costs. I'm someone that really wants to experience a natural birth, I felt that way before the emergency caesarean and I feel it even more strongly now. But that doesn't stop me from being so scared about the risks that a VBAC brings.

There's no way I'd cope with a newborn and a 12/13 month old after another c section. I really struggled both physically and mentally after my last one so don't want go through it again if possible.

I'm just suuuuuper drained right now and the thought of having to decide on a birthing route and weighing up risks is sitting really heavily on my shoulders.

Planning for births is difficult enough, let alone when you've got a 10 month refusing to sleep and screaming in your face all day long, but you can't take him out for walks and calm him down because you'll just end up crying from the pain in your stomach.

Ahh, pregnancy is fun. envy

hereagain99 Tue 07-Nov-17 17:06:26

Can you ask for help? Is there any family/friend who can take the little one for a day trip and give you a rest? Can your OH take the little one at the weekend so you have done time for yourself?

I am not in similar situation at all, I am lucky that my DD is much older and understand that I am tired. However a nice hot bath in the evenings are really doing magic to me at the moment with any mains that I get.

After having some rest you may be able to see things a bit clearly and be in a position to make decisions. Hope you can get done rest soon. Take care of yourself please.

AutumnLeavesandCandleLights Tue 07-Nov-17 19:11:12

Thank you @hereagain99! I think I'd feel a lot better if I had just one night where I got a solid 7-8 hours sleep.

My mum will take our son out for walks occasionally of a weekend, and admittedly those few hours are nice, but I do tend to spend them catching up on housework that I didn't manage to get done during the week so it never ends up being much of a rest.
DP works 6-7 day weeks, every week, so I feel bad asking him to take the baby out so that I can have some peace when he doesn't get a break for himself whatsoever.

I'm just looking forward to baby number two's arrival. I can deal with the night wakings (just about), and if I knuckle down I can handle a restless baby throughout the day, it's mostly dealing with a 10 month old whilst being heavily pregnant that's crippling me. Even though it wasn't long ago that I had my son, I'd completely forgotten just how draining the last trimester can be! 😴😴😴

scrivette Tue 07-Nov-17 19:26:58

I am 35 weeks and feeling crap, I can’t imagine having a baby to look after as well as my two are older. You deserve all the chocolate you can get to get you through the day.

Late pregnancy is miserable. cakeflowers

hereagain99 Wed 08-Nov-17 09:04:14

Hi Autum leaves,

Hope you are feeling better today. I understand what you mean with trying to catch up with household jobs however sometimes thing have to give in. Something that it has taken me a while to learn is that I am not superwoman and that I can't do everything, sometimes it is more important that I have a rest than doing works around the house. If I am not well, I can't do a good job as a mum and it has implications to everyone in the house.

Please ensure that you have a rest, jobs around the house can wait, your rest is more important before you get completely exhausted.

Take care

hiyasminitsme Wed 08-Nov-17 09:10:59

Elective section any day. Having had both its a very civilised way to give birth. I was home the next day, off analgesia within three days and ready to drive after a week.

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