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Is this normal?

(3 Posts)
Cemkg123 Mon 06-Nov-17 17:45:48

Im sorry this is long winded but please bear with me. I fell pregnant unexpectedly, I was on the pill and have been since I was 16, I'm 27 now. I've always wanted to have kids at some point but I wanted to be married and in a good situation first, as everyone does, but I understand life doesn't always go to plan and that's ok. I had been with my boyfriend for 5 years, I had started noticing babies alot the past year or so and getting a bit broody. When I initially found out I was pregnant I was really shocked. Told my boyfriend and he was ok with it at first but then said he didn't want it but it was my choice and he was ok with whatever I decided. So after a week I was getting used to the idea, decided to go ahead with the pregnancy and getting excited.. I then found out that my boyfriend was married with 3 kids (He worked away from home, only went home a few months of the year) I was devasted and obviously we split up. I decided to still go ahead with the pregnancy because the thought of abortion didn't sit well with me and I felt I would regret it alot. And also I feel that at least I would have something good out of wasting 5 years on my (ex) boyfriend. Anyway I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks, I'm now 14 weeks. The father of the baby still had contact with me sometimes, I decided to keep contact for the sake of the baby. Last week, he said he doesn't want anything to do with the baby or know anything about it. Up until this point I was excited about being pregnant and I was being positive. The past few days I'm having doubts. I am feeling very low, crying alot and not feeling positive at all.
I can't get excited
Im questioning if I made the right decision to go ahead with the pregnancy as I feel selfish bringing a child into the world whose father doesn't want to know it.
What if I can't be a good mother?
What if I don't bond with my baby?
Will these feelings go away?
Am I ready to give up my life? I was but now... I don't know.
Am I making the right decision? I thought I was.
My family are great in the sense that they have said they will help me through it, will help me with the baby. My mum also said she will be there every step, and after the baby is born when I'm ready I can go back to work and she will look after the baby so I can provide for him/her. And so I can have a life too.
My question is, is this all just the hormones? Will I start to feel positive again? Is this normal? Did anyone else feel like this? I'm really worried. Thanks for your help.

IckyPop Mon 06-Nov-17 17:57:06

You’re really going through it flowers Pregnancy can give you emotional highs and lows and everything in between. Some of it is hormonal and some is just trying to adjust to the changes that will be coming. It’s really normal to be worried about being the parent you hope to be, bonding and all if these things. But on top of this you’ve had some pretty major emotional changes to deal with too. It’s no wonder you’re feeling the way you are.
It sounds like you have amazing support from your family and that’s going to help a lot. You will be able to do this. It is life changing, and can be really tough. But it is also wonderful being a Mum.
It might be worth chatting to your midwife about how you feel and your concerns. Maybe some counselling could help?
Good luck and best wishes to you and your baby flowers

LadyRenoir Mon 06-Nov-17 20:00:44

Wow, your boyfriend looks like a really classy guy... :/

I think babies are a huge change at whatever point of your life. There is never a perfect moment. Everyone worries, everyone has doubts. It's normal and it's fine. It it not the end of the world or life, and you can still enjoy a lot. I strongly believe in growth mindset and finding new opportunities rather than looking and focusing on the lost ones.
Although your situation is difficult in a way you just split with someone after a long term relationship and found out he was maybe not the person you thought you knew, I think the baby is a separate matter. You have something a lot of people do not have- an amazing, supportive family, and that is sometimes more important than a useless partner.
Agree with the poster above- speak to your midwife, see if there are any activities around for pregnant ladies to hang around with someone in your area to meet up, see if any counselling is available. And on a positive side- you just got rid of someone from your life that was not worth your time! All the best, whatever you decide!

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