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To wonder how someone could want nothing to do with a child?

(8 Posts)
dazedandconfuse Sun 05-Nov-17 20:30:58

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend left me a couple of months ago. It felt out of the blue at the time but I've since realised it's because his family and friends absolutely loathe me. The main reason being our families/how we were raised are completely different. They did not approve of me from the get go.
Minor things that happened in our relationship ended up being made into some huge dramatic thing, I was accused of being many awful things and my ex was given an ultimatum by his parents- me and my family or his own. He made his decision and now seems to completely despise me. He is furious that I'm pregnant and not having an abortion and he says his family are sweeping it under the rug and pretending like it's not happening.

But this is his child, and their grandchild, and his sister's niece or nephew. They don't know me at all and they certainly don't know this child, how could they just pretend it doesn't exist?

I don't understand how you could know that there was a child out there that you're related to and just not wish to have anything to do with it? It baffles me

thingymaboob Sun 05-Nov-17 20:41:42

I wouldn't agonise over the why's and how's. You just need to focus on yourself and your baby. If I were in your shoes I'd be very angry but at least there's no mixed messages and you can just get on with your life. They sound hideous. My brother married an awful woman who bullied and belittled my grandmother (who had dementia). We absolutely hated her but their relationship was none of our business and we absolutely adore their children (they split eventually but it had nothing to do with us).

Expectingbsbunumber2 Sun 05-Nov-17 20:43:04

It sounds like you are much better off! What horrible people. You just focus on you and your baby, do you have support from your family and friends?

ElphabaTheGreen Sun 05-Nov-17 20:48:31

My dad has had naff-all to do with me for years, for no other reason that I can ascertain other than that he just doesn’t give a shit. He used to send me an Amazon gift voucher once a year from the time I was in my late teens to cover my birthday and Christmas until his mother died, then I heard nothing from him again (i.e. he only did it to somehow prove to her he was an attentive father while she was alive). I was an unwanted accident as well, but DM found out about me to late to have an abortion

Bizarrely, he had quite a lot to do with me when I was little then just gradually disappeared. Suffice it to say I had an awful lot of related ‘issues’ growing up. Just be glad your baby will never know its dad rather than going through that shit.

But I have no answer. It baffled my DH before we had DCs. It baffles him even more now because he can’t conceive of not wanting to know his children and, more to the point, getting to know them, then gradually having nothing more to do with them

cherryontopp Mon 06-Nov-17 11:31:52

Because some people are just cunts, simple as that.
As PP has said, don't twist yourself wondering why, just concentrate on you and your baby.
When the babies here, id start putting a claim in for child maintenance. If he or his family want to pretend the child doesn't exist, fine but his bank account should know. He's got a financial responsibility for your child whether he or his family like or not.

thingymaboob Mon 06-Nov-17 17:53:58

@cherryontopp exactly! Take his money!

MaidenMotherCrone Mon 06-Nov-17 18:08:34

If you share a flat with his sister, have 2 dogs and smoke and drink, his mother started a thread earlier.

abbsisspartacus Mon 06-Nov-17 18:12:01

Really crime?

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