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His second my first

(12 Posts)
hollyindie Sun 05-Nov-17 10:46:36

Hi everyone

Just need to vent because I’m really upset and if possible someone view.

I’ve been poorly through my whole pregnancy (29weeks today) my partner has been good up till last 2 weeks or so and now he is distant.
He has a daughter already and this is my first pregnancy. I’ve always felt insecure that my baby wouldn’t be as special to him and that he has done it all before so My pregnancy wouldn’t mean as much but I’ve never expressed that to him i know that my issues not him.

Last night I woke up choking on sick and ran to bathroom to throw up for like the 10th time that day 😫

Anyway when I got back in bed I woke my partner up to say I’m poorly (just wanted a bit of a cuddle) and he said oh ffs I’m asleep! I left him to sleep and this morning I wake up in agony with my back and baba squirming away so impossible to sleep. I got up and partner twisted that I woke him and he turned over and went back to sleep.

He finally came downstairs as I was leaving to go to work and I said how he has been is Nasty and (selfishly I know but I wanted a reaction) I said I bet he wouldn’t have treated his ex like this when she was pregnant and he would’ve looked after her.
He turned around and said well that’s completely different.

I’ve stormed out the house really hurt because now what if my fears are true? What if everything I’ve thought about me and my baby being second to him is true?

wobblywonderwoman Sun 05-Nov-17 10:48:55


He shouldn't have said what he did, put his arms around you.

There isn't much you can do except have a big chat about things. Tell him how you feel.

Expectingbsbunumber2 Sun 05-Nov-17 11:07:35

He shouldn't have said that and needs to be a little more supportive. I don't think bringing up his ex and her pregnancy will do any favours to Be Honest. It would no doubt cause my arguments and that's not what you want or need. I'm pregwnx

Expectingbsbunumber2 Sun 05-Nov-17 11:09:00

I'm pregnant with my second and this is my partners first. I love this little one just as equal to my first born.

hollyindie Sun 05-Nov-17 11:26:01

I know it was selfish of me to Bring up his past relationship but I was angry and wanted a reaction.
I just didn’t expect him to say that sad I guess it’s my own fault for saying it and I have to deal with the consequences.

Expectingbsbunumber2 Sun 05-Nov-17 11:48:28

Hormones take over sometimes, have a nice calm chat with him and tell him how you feel. Some men don't understand how hard being pregnant can be, it's bloody hard work!

Waitingonasmile Sun 05-Nov-17 12:00:09

Pregnancy is such eh emotional time and we don't always behave rationally. I don't think your partner did anything wrong and was fair enough to be annoyed after being woken up. You do also sound unreasonable how you spoke to him in the morning.

Do something nice for yourself today if you can. Even go for a nice lunch or buy something for the baby. Then I would apologise to partner and explain your worries. flowers

Oysterbabe Sun 05-Nov-17 16:11:58

TBH you do sound like you're being a bit of a nightmare. Pregnancy can do that to us.
Go home, give him a hug and apologise.

JoJoSM2 Sun 05-Nov-17 16:24:28

It sounds like your very insecure. You also have some other issues that you’re projecting onto him and this behaviour won’t do your relationship any favours.

cherryontopp Sun 05-Nov-17 16:35:13

I feel for you, Your poorly and have insecurities.
Men don't usually bond with their babies til they're here, some men not til their 6 month or so when there not just 'boring' babies.

You should talk about your insecurities. I was like this with my ex who had 2 children. I thought that when we have children it won't be as special or exciting. You need to talk to your partner. Don't let it build

BigBaboonBum Sun 05-Nov-17 20:15:17

To be honest he probably doesn’t love your baby at all yet, so I think you’re over reacting a little although I understand why. This is my third child and I feel no love for them and I won’t until they’re born.
It’s hard to explain as you don’t have a child yet, but the love you feel for a child is completely different to the ‘care’ you feel when you’re pregnant.

He’s probably just tired and cranky.

Newbiebaby1 Sun 05-Nov-17 20:48:30

Don't feel bad at all, your body is changing and your hormones are all over the place and this is your first practice!
I'm only 11 weeks and had a bit of a meltdown today, that resulted in an argument, my partner is great but I still have my moments, it's all new and I don't feel like me.
Try not to worry about the past, once baby is here he will feel exactly the same as he does with his other little one and I'm sure he already does but the bond you have with bump is different to what he must have.
Try not to get stressed and ask to have a chat and go through how you're feeling x

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