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Does anybody wish they began ttc earlier?

(35 Posts)
BillySmut56 Wed 01-Nov-17 12:29:50

I ask because DP and I are currently discussing ttc, but have no plans to begin until at least a year from now for career reasons.

We are in our early to mid twenties, but have medical issues that may cause complications and delays. We don't want to regret leaving it too long, and are inclined towards starting sooner rather than later, so I'd like to hear other people's perspectives.

JoJoSM2 Wed 01-Nov-17 13:12:13

Well, you sound very young.

We have infertility problems and are now just shy of 37. It's now been 3 years since we first started trying and I only just got my first ever bfp a couple of weeks ago. However, no regrets. Getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy/baby is something that you have no control over and you cannot plan for. Having regrets just makes you bitter and unhappy but doesn't change anything anyway.

cakesandphotos Wed 01-Nov-17 13:18:33

It took us 18 months to conceive so in a way I wish we had started earlier but it does feel like the timing is better now. We didn’t own our own house 18 months ago but now we do. That sort of thing. We’re young and I have medical issues that made things more complicated but I think things have a way of working out for the best smile

BillySmut56 Wed 01-Nov-17 13:19:01

Congratulations JoJo!

Jojopugh Wed 01-Nov-17 13:37:17

We started trying when I was 24. We were very luck and blessed in the fact that we didn’t have any fertility problems. I did miscarry at 22 and thought this could happen repeatedly as I thought something was wrong with me. 2 babies later and all is good. However I think if you are in a happy healthy relationship with your own Home and can provide for a little one I shouldnt think age is a problem. Good luck x

mindutopia Wed 01-Nov-17 13:46:44

Nope, I'm glad I waited as long as I did. We didn't try for our first until I was 31 and I'm pregnant with our 2nd now at 37. The timing was perfect for me and I definitely wouldn't have wanted to do it sooner. Once you become parents, you can never get that life you had before back, and while it's lovely, it's different and so many things become so much more difficult. We waited as long as we did for career reasons as well (mine) and the timing was perfect. I have a career I love, but it's also afforded me time off to be at home when I wanted to be so I don't feel like I missed out on all the important things with my daughter and again with this new baby. But I also love what I do for a living and being able to be successful at that and have another outlet for my interests besides just family (because I put in the time when I could) has been really good for me. I have good work-family balance now because we planned so well. So for me, no definitely no regrets on waiting. We have the rest of our lives to be parents, but I'm glad we had the time we did before, both to build our careers, but also to spend time together, be selfish, travel, etc. It made the transition a lot smoother, I think, when it happened.

IAmTheDragon Wed 01-Nov-17 13:57:07

I'm late twenties and very much not TTC yet. I'm very glad I've had this decade childfree. 30s are gonna be for that.

TakeMe2Insanity Wed 01-Nov-17 15:15:30

We began ttc at 28. We had full on decade of fertility problems and operations for me before DS was born when I was 39 and a half!

I tell everyone to start trying sooner as it will reduce the peoblems that you are likely to encounter, as well as making use of time rather than outting it off until say early 30s and then having problems.

wobblywonderwoman Wed 01-Nov-17 15:19:11

I didn't meet dh until I was 30 and married at 32. TTC about six months after marriage and it took a year and a half. I had two babies virtually within a year or so. I would probably say once you are 30, don't delay. But you are only mid twenties so plenty of time

Also - I used to travel, go out a lot and I don't regret enjoying my 30s at. It was seriously a great time

lampert Wed 01-Nov-17 15:30:46

We started pretty quickly after marriage and got a bfp on our first attempt! It’s early days so this pregnancy may not work out but it that’s beside the point.

I’d say don’t TTC until you are sure you’re both ready to be parents - it could happen more quickly than you expect!

CL1982 Wed 01-Nov-17 15:34:07

That's exciting talk! I think you're still pretty young to be worrying (although i don't know the medical reason obviously!). I do wish we'd started earlier but i was 33 when we started (and also took 18 months to get here for one reason or another) which is a little different.

You do have time on your hands in your early.mid 20's and a year isn't that long to wait. Personally i'd enjoy the time together and wait. But if your doctor says go now, go now :D Hope that helps and good luck!!!

roconnell Wed 01-Nov-17 15:39:32

Yes.

reetgood Wed 01-Nov-17 15:40:56

I’m pregnant, am 37, started trying when we were 36. Suited us so no I don’t regret it. We accepted the risk of it potentially being more difficult though.

ForeverHopeful21 Wed 01-Nov-17 15:41:01

I very much regret not starting sooner.

We are a very healthy couple and started trying in our late twenties, so assumed it would happen easily. However 4 years later and I'm only just pregnant for the second time after the first ended in miscarriage. It's taken a long time to get to this point and unfortunately it transpired that I had gynaecological problems that I was completely unaware of.

Two of my friends who don't have any known fertility issues, still took them a while to get pregnant. For one it took 14 months and the other took 2 years. Likewise, I know people who got pregnant the first month of trying, so it's about weighing up how you'd feel if you were lucky enough to conceive straight away.

star1980 Wed 01-Nov-17 16:27:23

I don't regret not trying sooner because I didn't meet my partner til I was 32. Started trying at 34 and discovered we had fertility problems so it took 2.5 years to get pregnant. Fingers crossed I'll give birth to my first in a few months aged 37. This feels older than I'd have liked and obviously wasn't the plan but from this position I don't regret anything. When I was going through the hell that is fertility treatment, not knowing whether anything was going to work, yes - many many times I lamented not trying sooner and freaking out at every birthday.

All that said, you are very young still. In my opinion, waiting a year at your age is nothing, even if there are potential difficulties.

Good luck!

timeisnotaline Wed 01-Nov-17 16:30:05

If we had potential fertility issues and definitely wanted children we would have started by 27/28. We started at 31 which worked well for us, but I worry for my sister with pcos who is 28 and single that she will have years of struggling and getting older while ttc if she doesn't meet someone in the next couple of years. I'd never say this to her!

KarateKitten Wed 01-Nov-17 16:32:50

No. I'm so glad we waited. Only till I was 30 but my 20's were epic! Wouldn't trade all those experiences. And now that I'm tied down with kids and can see how exhausting and all encompassing they are, I'm even more glad we didn't do this earlier.

Dozer Wed 01-Nov-17 16:33:51

Unless you have independent wealth and intend to continue working FT, marriage is adviseable before ttc.

I have two friends who knew they were likely to have fertility problems who ttc from their mid twenties. One became a parent after 5 years ttc and treatment, one tried for an even longer long time but couldn’t have biological DC.

Nifflerbowtruckle Wed 01-Nov-17 16:39:03

I regret not trying with my DH years ago. We have never had lots of money but would have easily coped with one child. My husband is now terminally ill (he’s 31) and we have no children. I would say if it’s something you really want and if it happened straight away you wouldn’t be destitute I would go for it.

roconnell Wed 01-Nov-17 17:01:00

Nifflerbowtruckle I'm SO sorry to hear that flowers

Dozer getting married in September smile we won't start ttc until after we're married at the earliest

AnUtterIdiot Wed 01-Nov-17 17:04:47

Nifflerbowtruckle flowers I am so sorry. That's bitterly unfair.

OP, we didn't start trying seriously until we were 39 and although that was a joint decision (and we were lucky in that whilst it took a few months of trying it was easier for me to get pregnant than perhaps you expect it will be at that age), I think we both now feel we could have tried a bit earlier. Mind you, we didn't meet until we were 33 and whilst if I had accidentally fallen pregnant in my 20s I would have made a go of it I really do not remember actively wanting a baby back then.

Soon2bemum2017 Wed 01-Nov-17 18:03:17

Hey OP i was 23 when we started TTC. We did get married first and then i had to stop taking the pill for medical reasons which started our chats for TTC. DH was not very keen on starting to try so early but when we discovered it could take a while and i have some health issues we decided to start trying.

We had sex once that first month and now i have a 2 week old DS. We were very shocked it happened so quickly and in hindsight we could have done with a few months to save a bit more money.

However now he is here DH has said he wished we'd done it sooner! So i think whatever you decide there would be positives and negatives either way.

orangeowls Wed 01-Nov-17 18:11:26

This was a battle that DH and I had, we really couldn’t decide if we should try earlier to hopefully give us a better chance or wait until everything was sorted in terms of careers, house, marriage etc before we started trying. We were lucky, we waited until everything was sorted and although we didn’t start TTC until we were 29 I had LO when we were 30. I did suffer a MMC in my first pregnancy but I fell pregnant again very quickly. I’m aware it might not have worked out like that though.

lookingforthecorkscrew Wed 01-Nov-17 18:51:15

I got pregnant with my first at 32, and am pregnant with my second at 36. I kinda wish we’d started a couple of years sooner - just because I get so poorly when I’m pregnant - I might have been better at coping with that a bit younger.

But generally v pleased that I got to do, and see, such awesome things before having kids.

Mrstumbletap Wed 01-Nov-17 18:55:28

We started trying when we were 30, and got pregnant 9 months later, but in hindsight we probably could have waited a couple more years. A bit more money, a few more holidays a bit more selfish time. Once the baby is here it’s all about them for the next twenty years.

Doctors are also saying that healthy women in their 40s can conceive and women shouldn’t worry as much, as long as they are a healthy weight and don’t smoke.

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