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What business has it got to do with every Tom dick or harry whether I BF or not.

(23 Posts)
CinnamonAndSpice Fri 27-Oct-17 08:13:16

I don't know of its me being tetchy. However whether it's fair friends see reg, work colleagues or people I occasionally see. They do the whole. Oh how's it going, when you due then inevitably they say oh are you going to BF.
Now this is something that I haven't decided on, and the main reason is I worry if people will judge if I'm out and about, and I'm a bit funny about being in food. Ppl that I even know.. But I would like to try and will definitely be looking into it.
However is it me or do u think it's rude for people just to blurt it out. What's it's got to do with them on how I choose to feed my baby? 1 example is a FB friend from school. Recently back in contact, met up after 15 years and literally the first pregnancy part of the discussion / question was.. Oh are you going to BF.

I'm just not sure if it's me being unreasonable or they are a bit rude

Sorry for the vent xx

CinnamonAndSpice Fri 27-Oct-17 08:14:59

And what I mean about people judging BF is all in my head, as I know ppl have diff opinions but I'm quite self conscious in many ways which I need to overcome

EssentialHummus Fri 27-Oct-17 08:20:41

Do whatever works for you and your DC. I fully intended to BF. In practice I found it more painful than labour. I then made things worse by forcing myself to go on even though DD was screaming in hunger, I was bleeding and I started to hate her.

It is no one else’s business what you do, and “we do what works for us” is a good enough response if they ask.

Re self-consciousness. See if there’s a BF cafe near you. They are good environments to practice in. And some areas have “BF friendly “ venues designated (though you’re within your rights to do so anywhere).


Oysterbabe Fri 27-Oct-17 08:23:27

I think it's a pretty normal question. There's only so much they can ask after When are you due? And do you know what you're having? I just say I hope to but will see how I get on. I don't think of it as a rude question. It would be rude if they made judgemental comments on your answer.

CinnamonAndSpice Fri 27-Oct-17 08:24:00

Yeah the worry is what I need to overcome and I hope in time or can concentrate and look into it more when less stressed ( lots going atm) so will look more in the new yr.

My normal response is, oh haven't decided yet. And then change the subject.
Now not all the people have had kids or have / haven't BF. So want to be opinionated, either in a helpful or not way
But some. You know are just plain nosey and I think that's what grates me.

NerNerNerNerBATMAN Fri 27-Oct-17 08:24:37

I can see where you're coming from, but it's really just on the list of really annoying things that people say to pregnant women:

When are you due?
How are you feeling?
Are you excited?
Any cravings?
Have you thought of names yet?
Do you know where you want to give birth?
Have you decided on a pram?
Are you going to find out the sex?
Is it a boy or a girl?
Are you going to bf?

Etc etc etc

I was self conscious about feeding in public/in front of others at first. I went to safe places at first like costa and John Lewis and sat facing away from people so that I could build up my confidence. Once you've got the hang of it you can be very discrete.

It took a couple of weeks for me but I'm glad I did it as the first few weeks breastfeeding are the most beneficial in terms of the immune boosting properties of the colostrum. It's also a lot less faff than bottle feeding.

You can always try mixed feeding, where you bf at home but bottle when out. DD was bottle fed breastmilk from day 6 and never had any issues latching back into the boob, despite the entire internet telling me I was doing it wrong.

CinnamonAndSpice Fri 27-Oct-17 08:25:03

Yes that's true, maybe it's general chit chat... So it may be me being tetchy lol.. Can I blame the hormones lol

Malapropist Fri 27-Oct-17 08:25:49

Well, of course you are right, it isn’t any of their business what you choose to do but I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask. It’s not like they were pressuring you either way? I personally usually ask because I know that many (most?) women who want to breastfeed don’t get the support they need and they may not have any idea where to start. I am a pretty passionate advocate of breastfeeding and know what help is available if women need it - so if a friend said she thought she wanted to I could say that I would be happy to support if she wanted to. I would never pressure anyone. On the flip side one of my good friends chose to FF from day 1 and it wasn’t my place to question that decision either. She knew that I was there if she wanted to try bfeeding and that’s that.

So maybe your friends are either just making conversation or they are trying to be supportive but want to find out your thoughts first?

Good luck with your pregnancy and birth and feeding, whatever you decide.

(And if you have any questions about feel free to pm me)

CinnamonAndSpice Fri 27-Oct-17 08:26:27

Yes did think about the mixed of bottle and breast.. Thank you. Xx

Ijustlovefood Fri 27-Oct-17 08:26:39

I don't think it's necessarily rude for them to ask. Annoying though I suppose. I get more annoyed when people ask about names.

Malapropist Fri 27-Oct-17 08:28:08

PS I thought I would never feed in public! And 2 babies later I have fed almost everywhere! I am never on display but I’m feeding my child and if anyone has a problem with that they can talk to me about it!! It is easier than you think - you get used to it.

lydiangel83 Fri 27-Oct-17 08:28:23

@CinnamonAndSpice I feel exactly the same as you although maybe I’m tetchy too lol

CinnamonAndSpice Fri 27-Oct-17 08:31:02

Thank you for your replies

Didn't see it as people may be thinking they could offer support

Defo me being tetchy / hormonal then... I shall step down off my high horse and maybe be a bit more open minded as to why they are asking xx

NerNerNerNerBATMAN Fri 27-Oct-17 08:47:24

You can definitely blame it on the hormones OP grin

I used to get annoyed with people asking me ONLY about being pregnant, like they had nothing else to talk to me about angry

TerrifyingFeistyCupcake Fri 27-Oct-17 08:51:26

If I asked (and I usually didn't) it would be with the aim of offering moral and practical support with bf if desired. I have learned a lot and know how many people give up before they want to because of lack of support. I don't judge, your decision is your decision.

ChocolatePancake Fri 27-Oct-17 09:34:51

I think it's a pretty standard question. I'm pro breastfeeding but don't judge if people don't breastfeed but have found if people don't breastfeed they tend to be touchy about it, a friend said it's because she felt guilty so it makes her angry when people ask. I don't know why though, I don't care either way but it's just a normal question

Pregosaurus Fri 27-Oct-17 09:38:06

No one ever asked me. How weird.

Not sure why you’d decide in advance, particularly if you haven’t had children before. Bf is the best option everything being equal and while of course some people find it doesn’t work for them for a variety of reasons why anyone would decide in advance not to even try is beyond me.

Mrscog Fri 27-Oct-17 09:39:55

I always try and weave the question in because I’m a peer supporter but no everyone knows. One really sad thing that happen was a friend gave up when she wanted to carry on and she’d had very bad advice. She had no idea I was skilled in breastfeeding. So now I ask so I can offer my support if they are thinking of it. I generally phrase it like this though ‘don’t know what your plans are but if you are thinking of breastfeeding and need help then I can’.

ChocolatePancake Fri 27-Oct-17 09:48:03

@Mrscog that's a great idea. When I had my first I was quite young (20) and I was adamant I wanted to breastfeed but I never knew how (I just assumed boob in and let's go! Had no idea what a proper latch was etc) and nobody seemed to want to give me advice. I finally got the hang of it after some random lady in the GP office told me he wasn't latched properly and showed me how to! I ended up breastfeeding until he was 2 but the first 6 months were agony due to having no support, I nearly gave up which would have been a huge shame. People like you offering advice - that can easily be turned down should they not want it - make people's lives easier and enable them to enjoy their babies!

CinnamonAndSpice Fri 27-Oct-17 11:06:37

I have had a child before.. But 12 years ago. And bottle fed. Again due to my anxiety and lack of. Support
Definitely looking into it.

RubyBoots7 Fri 27-Oct-17 17:36:43

Personally I think it's a weird question to ask unless it's in context in the conversation (not just a general oh yeah I'm preggers chat). And with someone you're fairly close to - i.e. not your colleague over the water cooler.

Generally I've never had so much unsolicited advice in my life as I have since I told people I was pregnant! 😉

ethelfleda Fri 27-Oct-17 18:36:14

What oyster said.

People do ask a set few questions when they know you're having a baby. They may not even care what you say but they still ask for some reason. I've had people ask all sorts of personal questions but I think it's because they don't know what else to say!

ethelfleda Fri 27-Oct-17 18:36:59

And this:

Generally I've never had so much unsolicited advice in my life as I have since I told people I was pregnant!

Now THIS is annoying!

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