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I want to have a baby but my partner isn't sure

(9 Posts)
Maddison06 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:07:27

Hi I'm just wanting some advice. Me and my partner have been together now for 3 and half years I have a daughter of 7 from a previous relationship. For almost a year now I have wanted another partner has always said no so I left it for a while and I brought it up again recently. And to my surprise me said ok. I spoke to him about having my implant taken out etc. So when I told had a date of my implant he then told me that he isn't a 100% sure and he's not ready. It broke my heart because he knows its something I've wanted for so long and the fact I have spoken to him about it and he didn't mention to me about this it made me feel really stupid and embarrassed if anything that I went along and booked to have my implant out. I cant help but feel abit betrayed by him lile feeling lead on and something i want so badly has just been taken away from me. He would be a first time dad so I completely understand his point and I try to talk to him how most people never feel quite ready etc and that it is scary but we are strong enough to make it work. And I just feel like he doesn't consider my feelings like I have a 7 year old I don't want a huge age gap. And I brought her up singly and I just want that family life. He had a talk and in the end he said we will wait till nearer the time of my implant date give him time to think but part of me feels like is he just saying that to not hurt me more but he said he's not. And he also said not to never have one but he's just not sure now. I feel abit like with men they are never sure! However I obviously don't want to convince or force him to have one I just don't know how to go about this do i just not mention about it until near my implant date or should I just cancel the appointment. I can't stop crying about it and just feel hurt

ChocolatePancake Thu 26-Oct-17 20:12:49

I understand it must be hard for you, but unfortunately you can't force somebody to want to be a parent. People break up over this very issue because if you want a child then it's ingrained into you and you can't help the way you feel... same as if you don't want one though.
I'd just give him time and consider how you would feel if he never agreed to it

MissConductUS Thu 26-Oct-17 20:14:17

I would go ahead and have the implant taken out. If he's not ready to move ahead at that point you can consider your options then.

Some men do know they want children. When I met my DH we were both divorced and childless. Within a month of dating he initiated the conversation about how he wanted children, and did I feel the same way. Now we have two.

It is fine to give him some time to consider it, but there has to be a decision and you may have to move on and find someone else whose wishes are in line with yours.

Maddison06 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:22:14

Of course i don't want to force him I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing he didn't want to that's not a relationship. And I have had the conversation about if we want different things then what's the point. He just gives me mixed signals one minute he says he's not ready them its not sure then to wait nearer to time of your implant date and I guess I could take that as he is considering and its because he isn't sure but I just don't want that time to come and he say no again and me be upset again. Or before when he says one day I ask when for a time frame its just a don't know i feel stupid writing this because out loud I see my answer. Its just thrown me back abit as I thought we were getting somewhere

ChocolatePancake Thu 26-Oct-17 20:26:44

I know how it feels to really want another child so I truly feel for you, it's not something you can hide or put off forever. I'd have a serious chat with him and if he decides he doesn't want children then you need to give yourself the opportunity to find somebody who does - and there are plenty!

Maddison06 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:34:54

Yes you are right I think I am not going to mention it again till nearer the time of my appointment as it will just push him back. Then I'll have a serious chat. Sometimes I doubt myself of finding someone because I think if he says in couple years time by time i meet someone new and build that relationship I could of had one with him by then if you know what I mean. I don't know I think I need to have a serious think myself!lol thank you so much though its been a great help smile

kittensinmydinner1 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:35:58

Why don’t you ask him if he wants to get married? A marriage can be arranged for around £220 all in.
His reaction will tell you if he has the commitment required to be a parent.
You don’t need to get married although you would be crazy not to unless you will not need his financial support while you are on Mat Leave and paying childcare for a young baby.. being unmarried leaves you very vulnerable if you need to rely on him..

I would have that conversation. I don’t know anyone who would would consider having a baby without marriage (but I’m in a very rural middle class area and it kinda goes with the territory - so am aware this is not the norm) .. protect yourself OP and think carefully before making a decision. He may change his mind. He may not. Please respect his right to choose parenthood .

Maddison06 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:43:28

Hi I completely understand your views on marriage and being a parent however I am different may be strange to you I am not ready for marriage but am for parenthood! I have thought very much about it for almost a year I thought I was just having one of those moments we all get but its never gone away I've looked into things and planned financially and everything else that goes with it

1stX Fri 27-Oct-17 08:24:45

Talk it through with him and find out what his concerns are you might be able to reassure him about them. Having a baby is terrifying sometimes, especially if you've never done it before.
He probably had his doubts when he said yes but that might not mean he's messing you about. He can probably see how much it means to you. The only way to be sure is to talk to him. I wouldn't leave it if it's important. Good luck

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