Hello
I am not too sure if I have posted in the right section but I am struggling here to know what to do. (sorry for long post) I am 42 years old (please don't judge my age as I am not looking for people to be critical just really guidance ,as I am very confused).
My partner is going to be 50 next year. We moved into a lovely house last year and have a lovely puppy too who is just 10 months old.
My partner has a step daughter who he sees not that often but when he can, a few times a year. We have no children ourselves but when we first met me he said he was quite happy to just see me and have a great life and kids werent really in the equation here. I was never sure myself, until now.
When I reached 40, I had a moment where I thought about my parents leaving and how it would be and felt this empty feeling (hope that doesnt sound selfish) and thought gosh no family of my own as we are really close. Whereas my partner doesnt see his parents and they don't get on at all.
I have been very much into my career, run my own business, financially we are in a good place and have a few skiing holidays and other holidays a year too. Things have been pretty good in terms of lifestyle.
When we had our little pup, I wasnt coping very well at all. I was working from home and felt this was all new to me and felt completely out of my comfort zone which I hated at the time and nearly gave up the puppy, I went through a bad time healthwise too... but now feel she is a blessings and made me think more deeply about children, as trust me I have always been a career girl.
My partner told me he went and got a sperm test done on his own and it was really low however I am not seeing any results as thought they gave you a piece of paper? I am not too sure what to think but asked him if we can do another one which he is happy to do. He said this as he wanted to know if he could have children one day or not and then tells his mum that after this result there may not be any children around him. (we were going through a bad phase and not really talking so it was a strange thing to do) I also just recently had ovarian cysts so just getting these sorted out before I can make sure I am ok too. Things are better than they use to be with pain and health and seeing a new doctor about this...change of diet, less stress and coping much better. I am sure it was stress related.
Im scared, as there are many factors. He works 7am - 7:30pm every week in London with every other Friday off. So its long hours in London. I work from home and would feel that I would have to give a lot of things up like I did when we fist had pup, but I survived and now she is a lot easier and manageable but having a pup is different I know.
My worry is our lifestyles, his and he likes his lifestyle being nearly 50 he has just bought a new motorbike, loves his skiing, his lie ins at weekends and well his life at the moment. We have spoken about adoption too and this is another option if we cant conceive naturally as happy to do this too. He says he is happy to go ahead with either, but something says to me I'm not happy....or not sure?
I know its means giving up a lot of things but its more an out of balance lifestyle and would it break us, as the puppy pretty much nearly did and moving house due to stress so Im being cautious and just sitting things out for another year.
However I'm thinking am I just wanting a child for fear of something or do I feel we are not enough together which is what I am thinking a lot of the times and feel something in me is just not thinking this is enough. But, his life wouldnt change, its whether I would be left to do everything and lose my business in the process?
The other issue is health....would I cope ok? Nobody knows I guess but would I be ok would I be able to adjust?
He is good with the pup I walk her mornings, afternoons and him at night and we walk her together weekends, however its always me getting up Saturday morning early as well as Sunday to let her out whilst he is not budging....(another concern, would he be worse weekends with little one he admits he likes his lie ins?) Its just my instincts to get up and do things for pup as feel, bad. We both work long hours, more so for me at home with clients and with him in London. Sometimes I just get up at the weekends and walk her myself and then head to the gym which is me saying ok if you don't get up ill do it. Then he normally comes with me but I hate leaving her in her crate for too long as she is use to getting out at 7am...he admits he use to walk his old dog at 5am, so I am getting to do more things for her which he is doing now if I ask. He just assumed I was coping, but thinking with men sometimes they need a nudge as they assume you are ok.
Gosh sorry for long post sure not sure why I feel unsure and in limbo?
xx
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percypig2017 · 26/10/2017 11:16
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