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Surprise pregnancy- Dad doesn't want it

(6 Posts)
Louise122 Thu 26-Oct-17 10:56:08

Hi all
I desperately need some advice I'm hoping some of you may be able to help please.
I've been with my boyfriend 8 months and unexpectedly found out am expecting. I already have a 5 yr old DD with a good relationship with her dad. My new partner was supportive at first but since has been terrible. Saying he's not ready doesn't know if he ever wants kids how will we manage (even though we are both secure with own houses) i have booked an abortion twice and couldn't go through with it. He's changing his mind all the time saying he will support me but he is so worried we haven't been together long and he likes his own space and the baby will rely on him forever he doesn't want to hurt me etc. Both sets of parents know and think we should keep it as we are both in our thirties. Am I wrong to think he is being selfish and immature or am I the selfish one for wanting to keep?? I should add i have had a miscarriage with my last partner which was dreadful. I have had an early scan as had a bleed and all was ok. He is just completely switched off says he doesn't understand pregnancy and can't get his head around it. He has had me on an emotional.rolelrcoaster. my mum and friend who knows think I'm being too considerate and he is taking the p* now. There's more but too much to add here. All I hear is how stressed he is and he didn't ask for this as we were using precautions so complete accident. It's all about him. I didn't ask for this either and neither did baby. Please help I don't know where to turn . Thanks all xx

BoredOnMatLeave Thu 26-Oct-17 10:59:23

Honestly I think it comes down to do you want this baby? If so keep it and get rid of boyfriend. What he is doing is not fair at all.

Either way I don't think I could stay with someone like this.

BernardBlacksHangover Thu 26-Oct-17 11:04:17

Agree with bored. Do you want the baby? Can you cope on your own if you have to? You mention your parents and his being supportive, so maybe you will get more support from them.

He is being very unfair and messing you around. I don't think you can rely on him.

ChocolatePancake Thu 26-Oct-17 11:05:59

My ex was the same and he turned out to be a good dad (still my best friend), but a terrible partner in general and I couldn't stay with him lol.

It really doesn't matter what douchebag wants, it's your body and you're the home to the child. It's your decision, nobody else's.

Louise122 Thu 26-Oct-17 11:17:08

Thanks all. He has messed me around really badly the last week. I too am questioning whether I can stay with him as can I stay with someone so flaky. I understand it's a shock but it is for me too. He said I have to decide but he couldn't live with himself if I went away and had it myself and that isn't an option. He said if I have it he will suppport me but is worried he will put so much stress on me it'll affect me and the pregnancy. I also have high BP anyway without pregnancy so I don't need that. I could do it on my own. I should add i was given a little scan pic which i showed him although wasn't my official one just cos I was in such a state thinking I was miscarrying with bleed and all he said was oh wow. It hasn't changed him. Ill be 11 weeks next week. He just said he is lost and doesn't want to hurt me more. Says the pressure is too much. We both have a nice life compared to alot of people and he has a good job. Immature with no life experience though. Sorry for long post. Thanks again xx

BernardBlacksHangover Thu 26-Oct-17 12:24:37

Is having him around worth the extra stress op? I think you need to be firm with him about your decision, (if you decide to continue with the pregnancy). He can't dictate what you do with your body and pile on the stress if you don't do what he wants. That isn't fair and I don't know if I could put up with it.

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